Most women have this image of what we would like for our husbands to be. If our biological fathers were wonderful in our childhood, the imagination doesn't have to go far. The only difference is along with that perfect personality it would be nice if only he doesn't wear his socks to bed, has washboard abs, a 6 figure income and enjoys it when his wife spends his money. I know, I know, then we have to grow up incorporate the Word and get real about the matter (Romans 12:2 AMP). Its the last part that many of us find difficult - the getting real part.
Getting real for some, especially if the wait is longer then anyone would have expected, is to settle and be flexible in not getting what we were hoping for. This isn't something I am guessing at but have seen, have done it myself, and have asked questions for the answers to be just what I wrote - settle. When making that decision to settle, it is because some other thought caused the original thinking process to change. The thought being that it is impossible to hope to gain such a person. It is the knight in shining armor, the gentleman that will not only be the ideal husband and father but will cause you to be the envy of all of the church ladies who married beneath them (Jeremiah 17:7 AMP). It is the not having to deal with flicked boogers, scratching himself in front of people, ear hair, belching, passing gas without regard to whomever else is in the room, and so many other things men go through when they leave their 20's and 30's. I know, it isn't a pleasant thought; nevertheless, its better then being a spinster - right? Well, it is the end result in some of the thought processes with leaving the original hope that we can have all things too.
Why did you change from hoping for the best? Is it because of where you live? Is it because your environment is conducive of not creating men as described above? Is it because you don't feel you are worthy of better? Is it because you have been told it is better to marry then to be the age you are without a husband or children? Is the person you are with not someone who you are particularly attracted to? Have you already settled for Mr. Right Now? Is it too late to make the wrong right?
First, let's get some things straight about the original thought you had with the knight in shining armor or the wonderful characteristics you were hoping for. Remember when Jesus said that we should have the faith of a child (Matthew 18:2-4 AMP). It is because children only have innocent intent. Their thoughts are not bamboozled with negative words. Many times children have hopes that they keep to themselves because they would like to keep those hopes. Recall what happened to Joseph when he told his brothers what he had dreamt. His flesh and blood sought for his demise (Genesis 37:11-18 AMP)! Jesus also told the adults that it would be better for a millstone to be put around the neck of the person that offended the little ones and be thrown into the sea (Matthew 18:6 AMP). Why? Because the thoughts and faith of a child is what God has put in them. It is their vision, their hope of what they can have if they are diligent (Hebrews 11:6 AMP). Children know nothing of prejudice, hate, and malice unless taught by an adult. Keep your original hope alive and live it through all the way until the end no matter what has been told to you.
A minister assumed that I was interested in a particular man. I never said anything to him. Yet he took it upon himself to preach to me about who and what I am and if I am worthy of this man's interest. I wondered who did he think he was for telling me such things. He even got personal into what I looked like and if I could ever be worthy of this particular man's interest. I found the whole thing fascinating. Because I never spoke to this man or the minister in the first place, I never had to defend myself. I allowed God to be who He is (the Author and Finisher of my faith) and watched the show. Both individuals are no longer a part of the ministry where I was attending. That was God getting His revenge and it was so much sweeter then anything I could have ever done (Romans 12:19 AMP)!
I did learn from that experience. For the longest time I thought I had to be a certain sort in order for me to meet that sort of man. Yet Ruth was a Moabite and came to a place with her mother-in-law, Naomi, to meet Boaz (Ruth 1:22 AMP). Boaz was the wealthiest man in the area. Ruth had nothing. Esther came with her Uncle to enter a pageant to see who was it that would be chosen to be the King's new queen. Esther wasn't a queen herself until she was chosen to be (Esther 2:7 AMP). The minister preaching said that the man he assumed I was interested in was a prince among men. Then he compared who he thought I was to what he thought this man to be. He had no right. He didn't know me. He was dealing with his own insecurities and using me as his scapegoat. God showed him otherwise though.
Ephesians 6:11 AMP). You have to be prayed up. In everything you do acknowledge Him. When you wake thank Him for the day and pray for what you would like to happen in the day. It might be such a small thing but faith starts off small too. Once you make this a habit, watch and see how God will change the course of your life and put you in an environment that is rich with all you need to gain all you had hoped for - originally. Pray for those that put those negative thoughts in your mind (Luke 6:28 AMP). Remember the verse about the millstone? Pray.
Finally, there is a verse that perfectly describes what a husband is. Most pastors don't preach this message (well, none that I have heard in the 30 plus years that I have been attending church services) much. I believe it is because they would have to answer to it themselves. Nevertheless, it doesn't make it not true. He must love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave His life up for her (Ephesians 5:25 AMP). This is a powerful statement. It says so much in one sentence. Is there such a man that can do what Jesus did for the church? If he didn't have the ability, God would have never put the verse in scripture. He (as well as you) can do all things through Christ which strengthens you (Philippians 4:13 AMP).
Let's make it a visual: If you meet this wonderful man and he has a good career and has established himself in the company where he is but you were given a wonderful opportunity in another part of the country, would he leave his job and go where you need to be? Or would he expect for you to leave the opportunity that you have to stay where he is? Here's another visual: If a man you are engaged to gets an inheritance of 6 figures and is thinking it would be to his best interest to have you sign a pre-nuptial agreement, do you think he had this epiphany from God or from his own mind and are you in agreement with what he suggests? The last visual: If while the two of you were dating and both of you were working at places that you both enjoyed, when you got married he decides that he would like for you to be a stay at home wife. Something neither of you discussed while dating. If it is upsetting to you, should he still expect for you to be at home? Yet these things have happened in the lives of married couples. The woman believes it is her duty to compromise every single time for her to be the help that her role is, yet, the man has not compromised anything. He is the head of her and expects what he wants. She is to be submissive to him and to do as he wishes. There is no compromise, yet the woman compromised with her original aspirations to marry such the man. Inner turmoil begins in such a union and spawns into something else that is not favorable (James 1:20 AMP).
Here's another visual: Whatever a man considers to be a part of his livelihood is what he has become comfortable with. He planned for it. He worked for it. He is content with it. If it is compromised, he will do whatever is necessary to maintain to keep it. Enters a woman he hopes to be his wife. Which is more important? Would he give up his livelihood for this woman? He will obtain favor from the Lord with her. Does he already have favor from the Lord? How could he without a wife? Does he wish to obtain favor from the Lord? Would he give up his livelihood for that favor?
These would be interesting date questions. It is actually what the Lord asked the rich young ruler (Matthew 19:16-26 AMP). Look what happened to him. What kind of husband do you think he would have made? Selah.