Saturday, April 20, 2013

Where Are The Headaches Coming From?

I don't know if it is still a popular excuse for not being affectionate to your husband, but it use to be. If it wasn't from my married friends, it was heard on television sitcoms. Oddly, the excuse wasn't that funny....on a sitcom or in real life. If there wasn't a medical issue, what is/was the problem? And if used as an excuse, what did the husband do to aid in making his wife feel better?

Are those days gone where women can bring home the bacon, fry it in the pan, and never let her
husband forget he is a man (lyrics to an old cigarette commercial)? At the time of that jingle, women weren't doing it all but fighting for equal rights to have the opportunity to. Why? Because she was tired of being supportive to her husband, taking care of the children, managing the home, while believing her husband is making an income to bring home. The real picture, she either was clue-less or wished not to know that at work, the guys had developed the boys-will-be-boys club. What your wife don't know, won't hurt her was the motto or mission statement. The "boys" do what they did in the fraternity days then come home vaguely describing to their wives what had to be done to make business deals and the networking process. Did she actually know what he was doing? Probably not, but she knew something wasn't right. One the inside, he could tell. All women have that - if you didn't know.

By the time the both of them retired to the marital bed, the stress of not knowing what her husband really did, coping with home management, and whatever he was bringing home with him that she doesn't know about (i.e., STDs, being one with another, absence of him, etc.) could very well cause a headache or what can be translated as "alone' time to sort some things out (Proverbs 14:1 AMP).

You see, what he doesn't consider is that woman who he vowed to love, honor, cherish, while forsaking all others, has a family to raise. She can do her best to wear a mask for the neighbors, family and friends, but it doesn't work with her own children. They know her and as they grow up, they are watching the dynamics of their parents. While the facade rather then the truth continues to play, the children develop their own values based on what they see (Proverbs 22:6 AMP).

God tells us to study and meditate on the Word day and night; then you will have good success (Joshua 1:8 AMP). That good success comes from understanding what was studied. It isn't all pretty. The ugly isn't preached too often because the speaker would have to be made accountable for his own actions and life. Where did Cain get the idea of killing his brother (Genesis :10-12 AMP)? Did Abraham teach Isaac to lie (Genesis 12:19; 26:9 AMP)? Where did Lot's daughters get the idea to have their first born with their father (Genesis 19:32 AMP)? Why would Amnon lust after his sister (2 Samuel 13:1-20 AMP)? Where did these feelings acted out come from? We can generalize to make ourselves feel more comfortable by saying the fall of man was the cause; however, will our lives change if we localize each act? Could we consider our ways more succinctly if we did?

If Adam asked for forgiveness before he laid with Eve, would Cain be a different man? If Abraham relied on God rather than speaking in fear to King, would Isaac have reacted differently as well? If Lot had not just accepted Abraham's overflow but actually picked up some of his habits as a part of his life, would his daughters have done so too? If David would have repented for sleeping with Bathsheba then tricking her husband, would he have lost his son?

The wife having a headache at the time where her husband feels like expressing affection could be a good thing. He could take that time to do some reflecting and gain some perspective on what HE has done that she doesn't know about...but God does.

When she has a headache....again, he could stop and think if he has been satisfying her. If she feels like she is loved and cherished, headaches could become a thing of the past. But if he is only out for his own pleasure and she has to get her's the best way she can, well....look for a life time of headaches to come. Woman was made for man but she wasn't made to be neglected or abused. You think its just behind closed doors? God sees you.

When the woman he married changes, the last thing he should do is complain to her about it. She may have gained 30, 50, 100 pounds but could that weight be to compensate for the baggage he brought home when he did those "boyish" things that she doesn't know about....but God does.

She might not wear the sexy clothes that she use to or talk soft and sweet anymore but she didn't have as much on her mind before she married you. As written in a post titled, A Messy Life, A Messy Wife, the change she has made is because of you. If you are the same man she agreed to marry when you proposed, you will get the wife that you remembered.