Got Trouble?

Whether I wrote about this particular incident in this blog or not, I don't recall; nevertheless, it is still apropos here. It took some doing to convince me to go to ministerial school, yet after much prayer I believe I was led to the school's office for the application. There were a few tunnels to burrow through and some hills to climb, but I suppose it was a part of the process if really interested in being a minister. After which, there was also an interview with a panel of clergy. This was not an issue but was appreciated understanding that the wheat needed to be separated from the tares (Matthew 13:24-30 KJV). It took some doing and after two tries (reason being, I wasn't as acquainted with the church's ministers as others and didn't think it was necessary to be), I was finally accepted.

During initiation into the school, there was a small skit that the secretaries to the ministers put on to let all of the new students realize that because we were doing as the Lord has led to do, we should now be ready for all sorts of trouble that was about to happen in our lives. The skit was entertaining and I don't think any of us believed that there was going to really be anything so different that we would not be able to handle as we have been doing with the obstacles that many of us face in our ordinary lives. We applauded their talented efforts and was ready to move on to see what was next.

There were a lot of rules. None of which carried a complaint. We all knew better not to do that. We all started to get used to the new routine that was added into our schedule and the classes proceeded according to plan. Then one of the students lost her job because of the downsizing that was occurring within the company she was working for. This same student a few weeks later discovered that her home was going into foreclosure. A young couple in the class was going through turmoil because the wife had fallen ill and was rushed to the hospital for surgery. It was reported to the class that the illness was serious. In the later weeks, I recall there was car trouble for some students, family issues with others, financial matters all around, and many, many requests for prayer.

Personally, out of nowhere I fought with insomnia. Well, maybe not out of nowhere... you see, from the time I saw that skit, crap started to creep around and I didn't pay attention to it. First, being a Director of a Learning Center, I felt secure with my position. My employer, the owner, expressed how pleased he was with my performance and how I have saved him hundreds of dollars. My administrative assistant whispered to me that this pleased employer was interviewing to replace me. I didn't believe her until I saw one of the interviewees. I asked my employer and he concurred with what the administrative assistant said. Meanwhile in the classes, my employees weren't getting along and one in particular had a complaint every time I saw her. If it wasn't in her own home it was the children she was hired to watch. When I decided to pack my personal belongings to leave knowing that brown nosing could have saved my position, I just couldn't do it. At home, my children were being accosted by bullies in the school. I had to come see to it. My daughter defended herself from a boy that slapped her and the teacher claimed she saw the whole thing. So why didn't she stop the boy from slapping my daughter? The teacher's gaping mouth not realizing that she told on herself was all I need to start an physical altercation - but didn't. My son was enjoying being kicked out of school for his comedic antics. The neighborhood children were plotting to attack my other son - just because. I was told, its what children do these days. My ex-husband began calling me 2-3 times a week to let me know that he could be a better parent and that I should sign over physical custody to him. Believing that my sons needed to have that male influence, I allowed for them to be in his custody. Within days, he started the process for child support and then increased it. I was in court so often, it is a wonder they didn't call me by my first name. The Lord blessed me with another job, but it was just enough to pay for tuition for ministerial school and gas money. The car I was using belonged to a family member that needed to be picked up at a certain time. Understanding that I also had to transport my children, using the car wasn't an issue until this family member was assigned to be moved within the company. Her schedule changed and therefore, mine had to also in order for me to keep using the car. I couldn't do it. She asked for her car back. I had to make sure my children could get where they needed to be, I had to be at work and still go to ministerial school. Did I mention the studying and I couldn't miss one sermon because it could be a topic of discussion in class?  Did I mention that my student loans went into default and the debt collector absconded with my payment? The car I was using got broken into by smashing in the window and my identification was stolen. Because of the theft, my savings was depleted from both accounts immediately after the break in. The teller that allowed the transaction was fired and the manager handling my case was fired as well. The new management finally got my balance out of the negative and was about to replace the funds when he was fired too. I began the investigation process all over again with headquarters; believing I was getting through to completion until the head of investigation would no longer take my calls. I think I hadn't slept in about 5-6 days. I forgot how long I stayed on a fast believing that what was happening was because of something I had not done in Christ. No one really noticed that I lost about 4 dress sizes within a few weeks, that my hair was falling out, and at night when the television was off, it seemed like my reflection was coming through the screen. I called  the church for prayer. The minister I spoke to asked if I was on drugs. I suppose I would have thought the same thing if I saw how erratic I was one day during early morning prayer. A few days before that, I had a test. I knew the scripture that was on the test. I recited it just before sitting in class, yet when it came time for me to put on paper, I handed it back to the teacher completely blank. I couldn't think of one word - not one. I understood why but still didn't like seeing that big red "F" on my paper.  That erratic behavior in early morning prayer got me kicked out of ministerial school and I resigned from my job that was affiliated with the church. I didn't fight my sister when she took me to the hospital for a psychological evaluation. She had no idea what I was going through and I would have done the same thing if it were her.

I don't recall anyone in class asking for prayer with that much trouble. I suppose crap like that was kept to themselves or they just moved and started a new life elsewhere. Would that I could have turned back the hands of time or even the thought of starting over anywhere else would have been so refreshing, yet it left a bad taste for me to run. Within days, I returned to church and dealt with the finger pointing and the mumbling behind my back. It took a couple of years to get things back to normal. In that time, I was telling a few congregants about that skit that was introduced to the new students at the initiation process of ministerial  school. One of my former classmates was sitting next to me and looking as if she was reading her bible,  interrupted me with a statement that caused those hands of time to be turned back. She said, "the trouble they said we were going to have, I didn't receive it." She went back to reading her bible. I couldn't finish what I was saying. I don't even remember what the message was that day, whether I praised and worshiped as I would normally have, or how I got back home. She didn't receive it?!! We can do that?!!

Tell The Younger

We all have favorite scriptures. Whether it is because the verse has given us comfort in our time of need or it was the epiphany that we were looking for in answering a question - the verse is a favorite and something to remember in our quest with Him.

Then there are those verses that keeps a furrow in our brow wondering why it was in the bible at all or why doesn't anyone preach a message on such and such verse. Without an answer at the moment of asking, we leave it alone believing that it must not be for us to know right now (Proverbs 3:5 KJV). But what about the verses that aren't adhered to. I mean the ones that are so obvious to a 5 year old and still it is put on the back burner until....when? How long will it sit there? Doesn't it nag you? Aren't you concerned with how you will explain to God why it wasn't used? Do you not remember the parable of talents (Matthew 25:14-30 KJV)?

The scripture that I have meditated on over the years and have continued to come back to me only when I think about this teacher in high school. I have written about her before. She was the chemistry teacher that when asked a question that she didn't have the answer to, she would humiliate the student so that the child would not ask anymore questions. I did whatever I needed to do to avoid getting her class because I was such the student that asked questions until I understood the matter. As an adult, it bothered me because she was teaching the next generation to be as intimidating as she tried to be. How will the next generation know unless they ask? Here is the pertinent question, wouldn't you want them to have it better then you? Would you have them endure pitfalls if they didn't have to?

The chemistry teacher answered the question when it wasn't asked of her. What was asked of her pertained to chemistry and her reply was, "aw, honey child, you should have learned that in elementary school." She continued with (I am paraphrasing as it was said to me), I got mines, you have to get yours the best way you know how. She was referring to a college education. The grammar speaks for itself; nevertheless, she refused to make the class easier to understand for the students. If they passed then they were exceptional. If not, returning to that same woman to be berated in front of everyone was inevitable. Who willingly wants to get a beating? Would this encourage or discourage students to return to school much less her chemistry class?

The point is, there is a scripture that instructs for the elder woman to tell the younger (Titus 2:3-4 KJV). The purpose for this is so that the mistakes won't be repeated. This chemistry teacher will have much to answer to if she hasn't already got it straight before the Lord (James 5:16 KJV). Teachers are held at a higher standard then any other office in the sight of God (James 3:1 AMP). Would that you could be off the hook. Its the reason I meditated on the verse about teachers. There were several members in my family that pronounced over and over again that I am supposed to be a teacher. It wasn't something that I was willing to go into. I did not want to be in charge of a group of 30 (or so) children and keep them interested in material when they had so many other things that served as a distraction especially in these days and times. If it wasn't the dysfunctional family life, it was the opposite sex. If they weren't looking for something to fill the void of having a fatherless life, it was some new electronic gadget the parent bought to keep them from being bothered. Never mind the crack babies growing up, the children coming to school in their pajamas looking for something to eat, the 10 year old girls looking 16, and administration overwhelmed by the absenteeism calling the parent that couldn't care less. All of that still does not alleviate the responsibility of being a teacher. This took time before I could really understand it and why God continued to have me face that scripture over and over again to the point of tears.

There are people that are just jealous in his world. There is no getting around that until they accept Jesus Christ in their lives and walk in the principles that are mapped out in the Word of God. There are those that finally get certain concepts that have been drilled in their lives for years and now that they have it, they noticed how much time has passed and believe that it is too late for them. Well, if that's you, it still doesn't take away from giving someone else those lessons so they can have what you believe is too late for you. Why wouldn't you want to do for someone else and make sure that whatever you didn't understand due to you being distracted or not interested or the person just didn't connect with you in such a way that you could have caught on all the more sooner, it doesn't give you a reason to hold out what you have for someone else. My family members may have wanted me to be a teacher because of the way I express myself, but aside from the excuses I gave, I still didn't want to conform to someone else's rules that would have me stifled from what God intended in my life. I do teach and have accepted that responsibility. I understand that the words that I speak and my reaction to any action is influencing someone whether it be directly or indirectly. I understand whether I decided to take on the label as teacher or not, there is still an expectation in the eyes of the Lord for me to do what I know to do (James 4:17 AMP).

If you have accepted your role - congratulations. If you haven't, what are you waiting on? Are you the jealous one seeing the cliff at the end of the road, knowing where the children headed and aren't going to do a thing because of the scrapes the fall caused you so many years ago? How dare you! How dare you keep all of those talents and gifts to yourself when God gave them so freely. How dare you not use them for the benefit of others. How dare you try to blame anyone but yourself for being in the predicament that you are in. Selah.

Is This For Me?

How many of you has God blessed? I mean you have all of these things to do and can even be slightly overwhelmed with gifts, talents, and witty inventions? Like the parable of talents when the Master gave one man 3 talents and the man returned back for the Master five; so when the one talent wasn't used, the Master gave that talent to the one who knew what to do with it (Matthew 25:14-30 AMP). So how many do you have so far and why haven't the rest of us heard more about you?

Fantasia Barino allowed a depiction of her true story on T.V. She had absolutely no interest to do much of anything but sing. While any of us would judge why she did this or that, or the other, the one thing she did do was according to the Word. Her gift made room for her and placed her before great men. She sang in church., She sang at other places but what did that do? Did some producer come along and offer her a deal the way they use to write in old movies? No, she saw an opportunity, planned for the vision, then made the effort to put the vision in effect. All of the singing in churches and other places, if nothing else helped her get over those jitters, took any cracking out of her voice but most of all, it had to please God. That one talent.

The movie, Julie/Julia was about a woman with a mundane job who could write but didn't know about what. So she blogged her experiences in using Julia Child's cookbook. According to her, Julia Child didn't acknowledge her efforts which could have discouraged her to quit, but God made the way that everyone else kept reading to the point of making that blog into a book which became a movie. That one gift.

God blessed me. I know this but didn't know what to do with all He had given me. I liked to sew and for some time I designed and tailored clothes for people. It was a task that didn't seem to go anywhere. I went to school to better my skills and still people tried to get something for nothing to the point of me sewing only for my family. My mother taught me how to crochet. So I practiced, got books to further what I know and even had an account at a gift shop. But then I learned that people may have allergies and if I worked near any pets or certain foods, it could be fatal to some. Then the love I have to cook. I believed I could open a catering service or maybe just sell baked goods. I wrote the plan then realized how much work it would take to get a business off the ground not to mention the money. Where was all of that money going to come from? Still, I had to do something with it.

So I made the move on the two things I like doing the most: writing and drawing. Once I made up my mind to write, I couldn't stop. A program for teens took only a few months to do. A manuscript for Christian babes just starting into the life. Another for those seeking righteousness to go with Kingdom Living. Another for Christian singles. A pocket book with testimonials. Altogether there must be about eight. There they were sitting there collectintg dust which made me a little anxious. So I searched how to get them published. I asked published authors and even found a publicist to help me. No matter how much I tried, the money wasn't there, the publicist flaked, and I was starting not to trust that my works wouldn't be stolen.

Doing some research on the computer, I kept bumping into new things I didn't know was available. I knew about blogging (after asking) but I didn't know I could do it for free. I knew about designing a website but I didn't know I could do it for free. So I submitted and wrote. I was so happy that finally I got something published.

Now for that artwork. Again, I was just looking up some stuff and happened on this portrait. It got my attention because it was an illustration and the hair was drawn so differently. I looked for the artist's name and the website she was using, Redbubble. It was an odd name and there were many other artists using the site. This was an opportunity for me as well. I submitted the work and also found a link for my blog page. That's when I discovered facebook and linked all three. That was some widgets, redesigning and months ago. While I get good feedback for my artwork, I wasn't getting as much for the writing. I wondered if anyone was bothering to read. That's when I found another widget counter on all of the websites I created. The numbers were steadily increasing. I got viewed but no hits. Still, I made the effort.

I woke one morning and God reminded me of an idea he gave some time ago. I wasn't scared to do it, its just men haven't been trustworthy to me in the past.

I had an idea to build on a business idea at a hospital. I called one who referred me to another and was finally in contact with the right person. I sold my idea to him (in a manner of speaking) and we made an appointment to meet. The next day while watching the news, the very man I spoke with used my idea as Public Relations for the hospital which was the human interest story for the local news circuit.

Another incident when I was sewing for clients. I made a wedding dress for someone I barely knew. I didn't charge her much, in fact because we attended the same church, I charged her $50.00. I stayed up all night to finish all of the alterations. Her mother was traveling in the next day for the wedding and the bride was nervous about her mother seeing the dress. Once the mother arrived she asked to see the dress. According to the bride, her mother didn't like the design. The daughter, with the dress in her possession, decided to go buy another dress that her mother would approve of and not pay me seeing she wasn't going to wear the dress I made for her anyway.

That was one too many times, so I stopped doing for people altogether (Psalms 146:3 NIV). I wasn't going to make anything for anyone. When I had the urge to do something creative, I just gave it away as a gift. I did this for years. That all changed when I came to work in a geriatric community. I made an afghan for a couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. None of their children did anything for them. When I gave them the gift they were surprised but not in the good way. They kept asking me why would I do this? Weeks later they would ask me but not in front of others. I didn't understand this behavior especially when she'd see me work on it with such glowing compliments. I almost wished that I charged her. But then there was someone I drew a portrait for and his girlfriend didn't like it. I didn't charge him because I needed the practice. When I saw him roll the card stock that it was drawn on, knowing the next move was to put it in the garbage, I protested and took my work back and posted it on my website. How dare he!

I value the gifts God has given me and the work I do. I understand that He didn't give just for the sake of me calling myself blessed but for the edification, exhortation, and comfort of the saints (1 Corinthians 14:3 AMP). The truely annointed also has their steps ordered to touch the hearts of the lost whether they know it or not. It doesn't take as much as one thinks to win someone to Christ. You have the desire to do so more than others because you have that talent to do so; just use it.

The gifts, talents and witty inventions God has given is for one of three or all three things depending on how mature you are in Him:
1. An answer to your prayer. Knowing that the kingdom of God is joy and peace in the Holy Spirit gives you the answer as to why He gave you that specific gift. You now know what your purpose is. You can do that talent better than anyone else because you were created for a time such as this to use it!

2. Seeing that God is our source, He has provided us a means of income with those gifts. What you do with them will determine your next step. Wisdom tells us to seek her early while we still can (Proverbs 8:17 KJV). God supplied where righteousness was applied.

3. Some have more than others deliberately. If one has used what God has given with such skill and finess, of course He is going to give her more. Her gift made room for her (Proverbs 18:16 KJV). Now people see what she can do and make requests to teach them or the demand is more than she can supply. That sounds like a booming business.

I found this parable to be more important than the others because it was the only one that shows the outcome of not using what He gave. The result is to experience damnation. The world uses the phrase, "if you don't use it, you will lose it." That phrase couldn't come from any place else but the parable of talents.