Place Your Name In The Place of Charity

It was on a Sunday when  I attended the services that I had for more then 17 years in Michigan. Many things had changed because the father had given the ministry for his son to run. So the son put his own flavor on how things are to function and I could tell that there was a difference in the house, including the way he preached the Word. I agreed with many of the things he was preaching and would have had a better grasp on the topic if I had heard the first part of the message the week before. The week I attended, the sermon had to do with marriage. The week before, it was for the Christian single. He used many analogies and comical short stories to keep the sermon interesting but it never clouded from the verses in the bible that laid the foundation about what he was referring.

He had made mention of last week's message and how Paul taught the lesson that it was better not to marry; nevertheless, he highlighted that he, the pastor, believed God intended marriage to be for everyone. I continued to listen with all of the rules he had for marriage and the needs for the women were much different then the needs for the men. He had listed steps for a happy marriage. I think there were 10 of those. He listed 5 needs men had to have in order for them to be happy and the first need was sex. But before that he listed the 5 needs women had to have to be happy. I couldn't help but to notice in defining certain words that list of needs went from 5 to an easy 20. I wondered if that was Freudian. When he finished many of the congregants were quiet but nodded with what they had to do to change. I guess it was just what they needed to hear.

When services were over I thought about the message and came to the conclusion that with the first part of the sermon, being what Paul taught for the singles, this message was perfect. The pastor had to have said last week that if you marry based on those sexual needs and not the love Jesus had for the church, yeah, the list should be as long as the one he gave. Its almost burdensome to watch every little teenie-tiny thing you do for the other person to be happy, but then again, when marrying for sexual purposes are in effect, following Jesus does come second. When putting Him second, well, you get what you get (trouble defined).

The message began with him stating, "family comes first." Once he spoke those words, I looked around at the congregants to see if I recognized any of my friends. It had been a few years since I had been there. I saw some people I remember, but those I fellowshipped with had moved on. Like I mentioned, there was a difference, it was a new generation of followers. A younger sect and they were happy that they have a ministry to develop and make something of it. I smiled and knew that the Lord had me move on because it was time to do so. The pastor as well as those who nodded with all they needed to change will soon find that family is second. God is first. Trouble will always be at foot when the equation is out of order.

Thinking about all of those rules that he hoped the listeners would write down, I wondered why he didn't start the message off differently - even for the second half. Why didn't he reiterate that with God all things are possible and just when you don't think you can't make it one more day without sex, God is there to give you exactly what you need to make it? Why didn't he make mention of the love of God that should be practiced from the very beginning of any Christian walk and how that practice will secure you to dwell in the secret place of the most high. Why didn't he put some kind of emphasis that we are to be content in whatever state we are in and people can't get you there if you intend to be miserable (Philippians 4;11 AMP)? Why didn't he mention that those sexual necessities is a mind game that the enemy has with us all and if we don't defeat it, that trouble Paul spoke of will be there (James 4:7 AMP)? Why didn't he just give the listeners more options then what he did?

Finally, he closed the sermon with the definition of love. The intensity of those words that wedding vows, romantic lyrics, and love letters are based paled having all of those rules in place. He said, "where the word, charity is, place your name." He didn't even read the verses. He expected for the congregants to read them on their own. How was that supposed to happen? It was like another set of rules. Goodness! See for yourself:

If Bill read the definition of love he would say, "Bill never fails. Bill is not fault finding. Bill is not self seeking. Bill endures long and is patient and kind...." If Bill never practiced any of this before he got married, how will he ever be able to do this now? This frustrated me just to think about as a single person; I could only imagine what the married people thought especially if on the brink of divorce. Yet the congregants nodded and agreed. And I suppose that was good.

I guess I was looking for something more. It was time for me to move on instead of trying to hang onto a ministry that has moved on without me. The teaching wasn't there for me and those that replaced the members I knew seemed to be content. I thought about that last message I heard from the church I use to attend and knew with placing a person's name in the place of charity, faith would have to be in operation for us to be as God is. He said be holy for I am holy (1 Peter 1:16 KJV). God is good (Mark 10:18 KJV). God is love (1 John 4:8 KJV). God is the greater one on the inside of those that believe (1 John 4:4 KJV). Therefore, if we strive to be more like Him, then we can also never fail, not find fault, not be self seeking, endure long and is patient and kind, and so forth. Yet, without God being first in all that we do, feeling frustrated makes sense. Interesting, isn't it?

Got Trouble?

Whether I wrote about this particular incident in this blog or not, I don't recall; nevertheless, it is still apropos here. It took some doing to convince me to go to ministerial school, yet after much prayer I believe I was led to the school's office for the application. There were a few tunnels to burrow through and some hills to climb, but I suppose it was a part of the process if really interested in being a minister. After which, there was also an interview with a panel of clergy. This was not an issue but was appreciated understanding that the wheat needed to be separated from the tares (Matthew 13:24-30 KJV). It took some doing and after two tries (reason being, I wasn't as acquainted with the church's ministers as others and didn't think it was necessary to be), I was finally accepted.

During initiation into the school, there was a small skit that the secretaries to the ministers put on to let all of the new students realize that because we were doing as the Lord has led to do, we should now be ready for all sorts of trouble that was about to happen in our lives. The skit was entertaining and I don't think any of us believed that there was going to really be anything so different that we would not be able to handle as we have been doing with the obstacles that many of us face in our ordinary lives. We applauded their talented efforts and was ready to move on to see what was next.

There were a lot of rules. None of which carried a complaint. We all knew better not to do that. We all started to get used to the new routine that was added into our schedule and the classes proceeded according to plan. Then one of the students lost her job because of the downsizing that was occurring within the company she was working for. This same student a few weeks later discovered that her home was going into foreclosure. A young couple in the class was going through turmoil because the wife had fallen ill and was rushed to the hospital for surgery. It was reported to the class that the illness was serious. In the later weeks, I recall there was car trouble for some students, family issues with others, financial matters all around, and many, many requests for prayer.

Personally, out of nowhere I fought with insomnia. Well, maybe not out of nowhere... you see, from the time I saw that skit, crap started to creep around and I didn't pay attention to it. First, being a Director of a Learning Center, I felt secure with my position. My employer, the owner, expressed how pleased he was with my performance and how I have saved him hundreds of dollars. My administrative assistant whispered to me that this pleased employer was interviewing to replace me. I didn't believe her until I saw one of the interviewees. I asked my employer and he concurred with what the administrative assistant said. Meanwhile in the classes, my employees weren't getting along and one in particular had a complaint every time I saw her. If it wasn't in her own home it was the children she was hired to watch. When I decided to pack my personal belongings to leave knowing that brown nosing could have saved my position, I just couldn't do it. At home, my children were being accosted by bullies in the school. I had to come see to it. My daughter defended herself from a boy that slapped her and the teacher claimed she saw the whole thing. So why didn't she stop the boy from slapping my daughter? The teacher's gaping mouth not realizing that she told on herself was all I need to start an physical altercation - but didn't. My son was enjoying being kicked out of school for his comedic antics. The neighborhood children were plotting to attack my other son - just because. I was told, its what children do these days. My ex-husband began calling me 2-3 times a week to let me know that he could be a better parent and that I should sign over physical custody to him. Believing that my sons needed to have that male influence, I allowed for them to be in his custody. Within days, he started the process for child support and then increased it. I was in court so often, it is a wonder they didn't call me by my first name. The Lord blessed me with another job, but it was just enough to pay for tuition for ministerial school and gas money. The car I was using belonged to a family member that needed to be picked up at a certain time. Understanding that I also had to transport my children, using the car wasn't an issue until this family member was assigned to be moved within the company. Her schedule changed and therefore, mine had to also in order for me to keep using the car. I couldn't do it. She asked for her car back. I had to make sure my children could get where they needed to be, I had to be at work and still go to ministerial school. Did I mention the studying and I couldn't miss one sermon because it could be a topic of discussion in class?  Did I mention that my student loans went into default and the debt collector absconded with my payment? The car I was using got broken into by smashing in the window and my identification was stolen. Because of the theft, my savings was depleted from both accounts immediately after the break in. The teller that allowed the transaction was fired and the manager handling my case was fired as well. The new management finally got my balance out of the negative and was about to replace the funds when he was fired too. I began the investigation process all over again with headquarters; believing I was getting through to completion until the head of investigation would no longer take my calls. I think I hadn't slept in about 5-6 days. I forgot how long I stayed on a fast believing that what was happening was because of something I had not done in Christ. No one really noticed that I lost about 4 dress sizes within a few weeks, that my hair was falling out, and at night when the television was off, it seemed like my reflection was coming through the screen. I called  the church for prayer. The minister I spoke to asked if I was on drugs. I suppose I would have thought the same thing if I saw how erratic I was one day during early morning prayer. A few days before that, I had a test. I knew the scripture that was on the test. I recited it just before sitting in class, yet when it came time for me to put on paper, I handed it back to the teacher completely blank. I couldn't think of one word - not one. I understood why but still didn't like seeing that big red "F" on my paper.  That erratic behavior in early morning prayer got me kicked out of ministerial school and I resigned from my job that was affiliated with the church. I didn't fight my sister when she took me to the hospital for a psychological evaluation. She had no idea what I was going through and I would have done the same thing if it were her.

I don't recall anyone in class asking for prayer with that much trouble. I suppose crap like that was kept to themselves or they just moved and started a new life elsewhere. Would that I could have turned back the hands of time or even the thought of starting over anywhere else would have been so refreshing, yet it left a bad taste for me to run. Within days, I returned to church and dealt with the finger pointing and the mumbling behind my back. It took a couple of years to get things back to normal. In that time, I was telling a few congregants about that skit that was introduced to the new students at the initiation process of ministerial  school. One of my former classmates was sitting next to me and looking as if she was reading her bible,  interrupted me with a statement that caused those hands of time to be turned back. She said, "the trouble they said we were going to have, I didn't receive it." She went back to reading her bible. I couldn't finish what I was saying. I don't even remember what the message was that day, whether I praised and worshiped as I would normally have, or how I got back home. She didn't receive it?!! We can do that?!!