Thursday, February 25, 2010

Desperate Times Call on Desperate Measures!

Where in the sam hill did that saying come from and why would a born again believer repeat it?

For a faith walking man/woman of God, when is there ever a desperate time? Before answering that, recall what you have been delivered from and your weaponry in Christ (Ephesians 6:11 KJV). Now answer.

When you are making a decision based on pressure that has suddenly come upon you, remember that God tries the hearts of men (Proverbs 17:3 AMP). If you don't find His Word in the midst of those wrong feelings, He will find no pleasure in you. For it is impossible to please Him without faith (Hebrews 11:6 KJV).

With that being written, we can see clearly why when a person is desperate to marry (for whatever the reason) there will be trouble in hot pursuit to come against the marriage (1 Corinthians 7:28 AMP). The struggle isn't because of the finances, or the lack thereof, it is because of the mindset of the individual.

If there is ever a desperate time and you cannot focus on prayer or God's Word, call on the elders of the church (James 5:14 AMP). The bible says to do this when someone is sick. For a believer to state that he/she is desperate, he/she must be sick. What would you call it?

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Divorce (part 1)

This was a difficult topic for me to write about; however,it wasn't when I heard about the statistics, nor was it when other family members used it to settle disputes. It didn't affect me as much as one would think when my parents went through it. The truth of the matter is it began to infiltrate in my life when I heard my now ex-husband threaten me with divorce because he was loosing an argument (James 1:20 AMP). An argument that came about less than two weeks into our marriage. For him to even allow those words to come from his mouth startled me, shut me up, and know it or not, it set the course for the direction of the relationship.

I am not placing blame. If most people were honest with themselves at a failed marriage they could see their part in its demise as well. What I am doing is showing those who are married, about to be married, and desires of which, that the men are the leaders of the household. If he never learned that the words of his mouth and meditation of his heart needs to be acceptable in the sight of the Lord (Psalms 19:14 KJV) then he will allow the enemy place (Ephesians 4:27 KJV) and he will show other areas of his life that lack of temperance (discipline).

If we have what we say (Mark 11:23 KJV) then whether it being good or bad one must live by the fruit of his lips. The harvest then being what it is.

Divorce (part 2)

People enter into marriage for a myriad of reasons. Some favorable to God while others...well, we can see with the many divorces that have come about in the last 20-30 years. Paul writes if you cannot contain yourself then marry for it is not a sin but you will have trouble (1 Corinthians 7:36 AMP). That verse all by itself should have given us all reason to stand up and take notice. Trouble? No one purposely tries to get into trouble. Why, why would Paul deem such a thing on men and women of God for generations to come? He also writes when you were single you concerned yourself about the things of God but married you concern yourself about worldly matters (1 Corinthians 7:32-34 AMP). How irritating is that? All of this time while trying to do what's right, the only time you were right is by being single? Now that you marry, you can't focus on the things of God anymore? Really. Is that what Paul meant?

For sometime, I disregarded the verse because Paul had never been married and was speculating. However, as I studied the Word, it kept popping back up. If one marries for the purposes of satisfying his loins, his mind wasn't on the things above but the things south of the border (below). If temperance or the flesh was never really controlled then it will again start to infiltrate other matters in one's life (1 Corinthians 7:37 AMP). If lust was the reason for the matrimony then lust will come again in other things like a business venture, purchasing a house, playing a card game, or even buying a pair of shoes. For instance, you see someone you know doing well. Normally, you would feel fine and congratulate him/her but instead there are these strange feeling that arise. Thoughts come over your mind:

You know they don't have the experience you have. They don't have the education you have. They don't have the connections you have so how could they afford a luxury car, and expensive vacation home or even take a vacation for that matter? Who do they think they are?

Where did those thoughts come from? Don't you see, this is the trouble that Paul was referring. These are the worldly matters he taught in the scriptures. And why? Because there was no discipline before getting married. You answered to lust. Lust simply is not being satisfied (Philippians 4:11 AMP).

No one really likes discipline but it has its place in child rearing both in the natural and in the spirit. A child without instruction or correction grows to be a fool. He is self confident and arrogant. The bible says he is a grief to his mother and in as much a disgrace to his father (Proverbs 10:1 AMP). God chastises those whom He loves and we should not despise it. For in the long scheme of things (usually after the pain) , the correction will be to our benefit.

Divorce occurs after the passion has been fulfilled. We then see what we should have seen if taken the time to date properly. Error is clear but instead of being mature to see a Marriage Counselor, the quick fix is divorce. In getting this quick fix, understand that there will be consequences. I don't know why people don't see that there is a consequence in getting a divorce.... unless discipline was never tended to. Nevertheless, without understanding, these things will be repeated:

1. Dating (courting) occurs for the two people to see what they have in common. Dating is for the purposes of marriage and not to see if the goods are suitable for the other. Divorce is realizing that the person you married was supposed to be for someone else.

2. In getting a divorce, at least one person has been hurt. Most of the time, there is no love in this process and therefore, the one initiating the legal documents doesn't realize or couldn't care less the hurt and pain that has been inflicted upon the other and the children. Know the Word tells us to touch not thine anointed and do His prophets no harm. It also says that it is better that a millstone be put around the neck of the one that offends the little ones.

3. Children aren't as resilient as the previous generations thought they would be. Children can grow up angry and resentful when they have been left with one parent that has to do it all. The Word tells us that a man that does not support his children is worse then an infidel.

Just like man made medication, divorce has side effects that can last longer than the relationship. These are 3 reasons why someone's life is in turmoil and he/she doesn't understand why. Make that confession and clean up. Don't repeat these same offenses again.

Divorce (part 3)

I would like to believe that my marital situation (or lack thereof) was unique and no one knows what I experienced; but that would be a fallacy. For it is written: there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9 NIV). It took 6 years of separation before I signed the divorce papers. I know what God says about divorce and I also know what I felt. Reconciliation, reconstruction, with a plethora of promises had their moments but understanding the problem wasn't there. Agreement for marital counseling came too late, and then while searching through the Word, I found that loop hole I was looking for. The one verse that allowed me to be free from the chains binding me. If one chooses to leave, let him go. For God has called us to peace (1 Corinthians 7:15 KJV). That was it! I signed the papers and allowed the process to end one thing; however, I didn't know it would begin something else.

The quiet that one seeks in a home isn't the same as the righteousness quiet the bible speaks of (Isaiah 32:17 KJV). Mothers know when it is too quiet, depending on the children, trouble isn't too far behind? The head of the household is gone. Did he pray for the children? Was his presence necessary to keep deranged and perverted thoughts from coming to their minds? Saved or not, he is the other half of their emotional, mental, physiological, spiritual, and social health.The bible states that staying married keeps the children clean (1 Corinthians 7:14 AMP). Clean from what?

Think about it. What does a woman have to do when she becomes single with children? Work, stay saved, go back to school, stay saved, pay for day care, stay saved, make sure the children has some kind of recreation, stay saved, tend to the children's extracurricular activities, and did I mention - stay saved? What are they thinking? Who influenced them along the way? Yesterday? Last week? What were they doing at the sitter's? Who were they playing with? What occupies their time now? This was a mother's concern before the divorce.Yes, it might still be a concern but the truth is, it is not paramount. Keeping a roof overhead, clothes on their backs, food on the table, and the lights on are.

God hates sin. God hates divorce(Malachi 2:16 AMP). Hate is a strong word, yet it is apropos. If we could see the detriment before it actually happens, would we do it anyway? When in love our minds aren't as practical as they were before having a relationship. Once in the relationship, we think a little more practical with responsibilities and mindful of the other person's needs. This, somehow goes awry when divorce is the resolve. Practicality goes out the window and the children seem to be the casualties. This is the reason why God hates divorce and it goes even further. Because without both parents many children grow up resentful and the scripture will do what it says. It is better that a millstone be put around his neck and he tossed into the sea then for anyone to offend the little ones (Matthew 18:6 AMP). Divorce isn't as easy as signing a few papers. Think about it responsibly.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Nice People Aren't Always Marrying Material

I wrote an answer to a blog on Facebook. It was directed towards men as to why they would gravitate towards a woman who is better looking as opposed to someone who could possibly make them a better wife. She was essentially asking if men are as shallow as all of that. She was inadvertenly sounding insecure about her own looks. Be as it may, the men answered as honestly as they could trying to maintain a decorum of righteousness. Like it or not, men will gravitate to whomever is attractive to them. Yet there was still a response that caused me to change the way I was thinking before.

First, the way I thought about men coming to speak to a woman because of the way she looked was childish. Certainly after being trained in the Word he should know that it would be better that he stand from afar and watch how she reacts with other people and situations? However, these days one could be picked up by the police for suspicion of being a stalker; and that's never good unless that is what he is.

Second, I thought it was also opposing God's Word for men to be visual seeing that we walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7 AMP). I still think it best that because of his relationship with God that he is trusting Him to be guided to the woman he is equally yoked with.

Nevertheless, the response from a man about the blog stated that he would think the woman would be attractive and that she takes care of herself. He went further to state that if she didn't take care of herself how well would she take care of anything else. This, I believe was so profound and Word based. I don't know why it never came to mind before. We see women all of the time taking care of her children, the home, her husband, going to work, volunteer in church, schedule and manage family functions, take a breath on the weekend and do it all over again. Many times women will go without to make sure their children have. They will sacrifice having shoes or a new dress just to make the rent for the month or pay a bill. I have seen my own mother and I did it myself when preparing food. That when everyone else is fed, then the mother gets her meal - that is, if there is anything left. Many times women will eat late at night and as a result to having children, sometimes not being able to sleep because of a sick child or working late hours. This is an equation for weight gain. Is it because she didn't take care of herself or just don't have the time to do so?

I read a scripture about a woman tearing down her own house (Proverbs 14:1 AMP). I believed that it had to do with children being a blessing but instead of her viewing her children for what they could be, she resents them for what they have taken from her (i.e, a new relationship, able to move in a better apartment, consuming household income, the width of her waistline, etc.). Making this known to her children doesn't help them but hinders them. What are they supposed to do about it? They are learning from the parent - resentful or not. With the answer from the young man to the blog, I now see the scripture a little differently. Can a woman tear down her own home if she doesn't take care of herself? Who will raise her children if she becomes ill? And if someone if found to raise them, will this new person love her children like the mother did?

I have a manuscript, in it I wrote a chapter about women sacrificing everything for the sake of the family. As noble and nurturing as that may seem, I don't believe it is what God intended. He is a God of more than enough and has provided for all. She shouldn't have to sacrifice anything for her children but have just as much for herself. I believe God has done what he said - it is the mindset of people that have to change.

Consider it, it has become a sterotype for the wife to have a headache when her husband feels romantic. If she didn't do it all and sacrificing for her family to have it all, would she have a headache when it comes time for romance? If men realize that she is only to help him and not carry the load, could she be the woman he thought he married?