Nice People Aren't Always Marrying Material

I wrote an answer to a blog on Facebook. It was directed towards men as to why they would gravitate towards a woman who is better looking as opposed to someone who could possibly make them a better wife. She was essentially asking if men are as shallow as all of that. She was inadvertenly sounding insecure about her own looks. Be as it may, the men answered as honestly as they could trying to maintain a decorum of righteousness. Like it or not, men will gravitate to whomever is attractive to them. Yet there was still a response that caused me to change the way I was thinking before.

First, the way I thought about men coming to speak to a woman because of the way she looked was childish. Certainly after being trained in the Word he should know that it would be better that he stand from afar and watch how she reacts with other people and situations? However, these days one could be picked up by the police for suspicion of being a stalker; and that's never good unless that is what he is.

Second, I thought it was also opposing God's Word for men to be visual seeing that we walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7 AMP). I still think it best that because of his relationship with God that he is trusting Him to be guided to the woman he is equally yoked with.

Nevertheless, the response from a man about the blog stated that he would think the woman would be attractive and that she takes care of herself. He went further to state that if she didn't take care of herself how well would she take care of anything else. This, I believe was so profound and Word based. I don't know why it never came to mind before. We see women all of the time taking care of her children, the home, her husband, going to work, volunteer in church, schedule and manage family functions, take a breath on the weekend and do it all over again. Many times women will go without to make sure their children have. They will sacrifice having shoes or a new dress just to make the rent for the month or pay a bill. I have seen my own mother and I did it myself when preparing food. That when everyone else is fed, then the mother gets her meal - that is, if there is anything left. Many times women will eat late at night and as a result to having children, sometimes not being able to sleep because of a sick child or working late hours. This is an equation for weight gain. Is it because she didn't take care of herself or just don't have the time to do so?

I read a scripture about a woman tearing down her own house (Proverbs 14:1 AMP). I believed that it had to do with children being a blessing but instead of her viewing her children for what they could be, she resents them for what they have taken from her (i.e, a new relationship, able to move in a better apartment, consuming household income, the width of her waistline, etc.). Making this known to her children doesn't help them but hinders them. What are they supposed to do about it? They are learning from the parent - resentful or not. With the answer from the young man to the blog, I now see the scripture a little differently. Can a woman tear down her own home if she doesn't take care of herself? Who will raise her children if she becomes ill? And if someone if found to raise them, will this new person love her children like the mother did?

I have a manuscript, in it I wrote a chapter about women sacrificing everything for the sake of the family. As noble and nurturing as that may seem, I don't believe it is what God intended. He is a God of more than enough and has provided for all. She shouldn't have to sacrifice anything for her children but have just as much for herself. I believe God has done what he said - it is the mindset of people that have to change.

Consider it, it has become a sterotype for the wife to have a headache when her husband feels romantic. If she didn't do it all and sacrificing for her family to have it all, would she have a headache when it comes time for romance? If men realize that she is only to help him and not carry the load, could she be the woman he thought he married?