You Will Never Feel Happy....

... until you try. That makes sense, doesn't it? You can go through the motions but unless you know what happiness is and desire to be happy, you will never have it (Proverbs 23:7 KJV)!

In the place I reside and happen to work, there is this woman that came to the building. I will call her Grace. Grace happened to be a relative of one of the residents and took it upon herself to strike a conversation with me. I listened to her while she went on about this or that. Then Grace told me who she was related to. The person she mentioned is a recluse and is only seen to get her mail in the wee hours of the morning. Every once in awhile her relative would have something to say; unfortunately, those things would usually be in the form of a complaint. Whether it be the weather, her furniture, or the way her big toe felt that morning, it was never good, she was never happy, and she made everyone around her feel as unhappy as well. Grace said she wasn't like that. She told me, she liked people and is always uplifting if she could be.

Interesting. Why couldn't she be uplifting? What did that mean, "if she could be"? She kept talking and it wasn't long before my question was answered. Grace,  much like her relative, liked to be unhappy (2 Corinthians 9:7 AMP). Why else would anyone complain? Does it change the circumstances? If someone changed those circumstances for the person to be happy, does the person change and is happy or does the person see that the complaints change things and keep complaining? I noticed that Grace was usually alone until she found someone that also complained. It was odd that the both of them had so much to say to each other...well, at least for awhile until the resident decided to stay in her apartment to receive her meals for awhile. Not even Grace's relative would come to join her. Hmm, is that a lesson (Philippians 2:14 KJV)?

This particular blog answers the question a Christian might have while going through their Spiritual walk, "is this all there is?" For a Christian to ask such a question sounds like doubt and wondering if there are any loop holes to act unbecoming of righteousness. Why not be satisfied? What could there be that you would like to do but can't? If your answer has anything to do with any actions that would cause you hurt, harm, or danger - isn't that self-explanatory? You must be happy with who you are and know who you are in Christ. This can only happen by spending time with your Lord and Savior. He is the One that sacrificed His life just for you.

The title to this blog is also a lyric a song I heard while watching a couple dance. They were introduced on a video as a married couple when it came across my Facebook page. I don't know who sent it, but I like synchronized dancing; I had to click it to see. Their dance was a fun and happy one but what resonated the most was the ease of their dance. In the video you are about to see, the couple is dancing while their fellow colleagues or students are the audience. They are apparently critiqued by them and when they are finished, they visually shows their appreciation. The look on the couple's face is priceless at the reaction. Its as if they are surprised. All they are doing is dancing. Its so simple and what they both obviously enjoy.

Can you imagine a marriage like that? Where two people come together doing the same thing together and enjoying it (Amos 3:3 KJV). Their conversation can be about anything because the thing they enjoy doing they do it - all day. No stress because they are so compatible. Yes, that's what their dance meant to me. Also I watched other videos under the same company. The reaction the audience has with this couple and anyone else dancing is very different. Could it be because they are married? Could it because they are happy? Could it be because their confidence is strengthened by their union? Hm, lesson learned.

Women's Day (Part 2)

In rightly dividing the Word, we are supposed to be listening to what is being taught and then having the

desire to study for ourselves. Take out those notes, our bible and spend time to see if the Word was quoted correctly and if it was used in the proper context. With all of those things in order, then and only then could we use the message in applying it into our lives or to use in discussions or to help someone in their time of need. Anything else without these matters in place is a person in error and causing others to be as well. You will discover this as you continue to read.

In the first part of this post, hopefully the idea that a virtuous woman can only be if she is a house wife has been dispelled. Her priority is in Christ and then doing what He has called her to do. This is the message that I didn't hear and is why I write. The other passages under the guise of "Women's Day" also kept the real message from being expounded upon. I am not sure if the reasoning is trying to only teach what the people can be comfortable in hearing or if the ministers were directed not to

preach such things. I don't have those constraints.

The book of Esther is one of those popular sermons where it has been said, to the group of women I was seated with, that if a woman wishes to keep her husband she should do as Esther has done and not Queen Vashti. It was also reiterated of the respect Esther had for her Uncle Mordeccai and for her husband once she became Queen. She also was obedient which is why she was highly favored (though her looks added to some of the benefit). While I took in these lessons, it wasn't until much later in my own studies did I wonder if the female ministers read the entire book of Esther or just the passages that seemed pertinent for the message. I also wondered if these lessons were from the Lord or something seen on television or recorded and watched to be taught again and again. If so, that was not from the Lord's table. The Lord may have prepared a meal in the presence of our enemies, but rest assured the meal had not been eaten before and regurgitated for us to swallow (Psalms 23:5 AMP).

To understand Esther in the role that was thrust upon her, you must first see the king for who he actually was. He was a foolish man. He held parties that lasted far longer then necessary and the only one enjoying his parties was him (Esther 1:1-8 AMP). He would have the food and drinks placed for everyone but no one would be drinking but him. Then when he called for his wife, Vashti, she was tired having thrown her own party for the women and wasn't about to be humiliated as she has been putting up with the king's drunken behavior before (Esther 1:9-12 AMP). She refused him. The king could have pouted for a moment and been over it. But the princes had to be bored. They were the ones that started thinking that the queen had some influence and would cause for their wives to be just as impassive (Esther 1:16-20 AMP). That was fear doing the thinking for them. Seeing the king was not of a sober mind, he listened and acted on that thought of

fear. This is what caused for the queen to lose her position.

Now Esther, she was a child. Not knowing what happened to her actual parents gives some perspective as to why Esther's demeanor was the way it was. She had been obedient and without a doubt her Uncle, a godly man, prayed for her. We also don't know if her Uncle had anymore children of his own. Assuming that he didn't, because the Word never tells us that he went back to his home or to his wife and family, he kept a close watch on his niece. Never did I ever hear how close knit this family was and why Esther may have felt that way; however when her surroundings changed so did she.

Why do you think Esther went from a humbling, obedient, quiet child that was highly favored to one that was going to give her Uncle a directive? He told her what was needed to be done to save the people and that she was placed in the position for this very reason. Instead of her seeing the big picture, she looked at how she had been trained to do as the king ordered (Esther 4:8-11 AMP). The order was, not to disturb the king unless he called for you. Did you notice how Mordeccai got her head back together (Esther 4: 12-17 AMP)? He reminded her where she came from. She saw her position being greater then the niece of her Uncle. Actually, it was...only Esther was a child and didn't see that. She had a decision to make and this may have been the last time her Uncle could give her a directive to follow. After all, she is the queen and needed to be about serving her husband not her Uncle. But, again, this isn't the message that was taught in the services I attended or those I've seen.

Now this is the part that most female speakers get trapped in and deliver the oration as a show on how to be that domestic engineer that all men desire in a woman. What is ministered is that the woman needs to be able to read her man (know his ways). She should not come at him the moment he comes home, but she should allow him to relax, draw him a bath, serve him a hot meal. Then after he has finished and is in a better state of mind, ask what you will. Then the scripture is used in seeing what Esther did with the king just for him to reconsider what he had ordered (Esther 5 AMP). Yeah right! Did we not establish that Esther is a child? Did we not already establish that she had no clue as to what to do with any man much less her husband? And if you keep reading, she didn't ask him with the first dinner, or the second. What I wondered was, what happened afterward? I mean after the order was over and Haman was executed? Did Esther continue cooking her man's meals or did she have those servants do as they have been hired to do? And isn't that manipulative? Does a man appreciate a conniving woman? Is this seed sown and now her husband can be the same way? Is this the sort of thing a woman hopes the rest of her life must consist of in order to speak to her husband? Its ridiculous, isn't it? It sounds like a hard task to keep up with especially when a woman

never had to go through such foolishness as a single person living her life righteous before the Lord. Why would God make marriage hard for us? Answer: He wouldn't.

The real lesson in Esther for the purpose of Women's Day is the childishness of the king listening to the advice of princes. He got what he deserved. The equivalence of who he is. All of those parties and allowing for those who were not chosen to be king have control of the decision making, got him a wife that was equally yoked with his personality. She was a child easily to be controlled and manipulated. We saw this when Mordeccai told Esther what to do. He was no longer in that position to do that, but she adhered to his direction. The princes told the king what to do. They were not in a position to make that decree themselves and if the king knew his place, he would have put those princes in theirs.

When a woman accepts the proposal of a man, she must know that he has the confidence, assertiveness, and aggression to hold the position as being the head of her. He has some direction of where he would like to be and is appreciative of the help that she is able to give to get him there. If its all about him and he doesn't love her as Christ loves the church, and therefore should expect all sorts of trouble. Because this man will be asking advice of all sorts of matters that should be left to you, him, and God - only!

Hmm, A Substantial List - Why Sub-par Results?

There is this expectation of quality when Christians ask God for anything. There is this expectation of quality when God hears requests from His children (Isaiah 43:26 AMP). Who do you believe will have their expectation first (Matthew 6:10 AMP)?

There is an entry in the Christian singles blog (Make It Plain Lenora) with some similarities as this one. Some believers think without any effort with their own lives, they are to receive this prince or princess and live happily ever after. Actually, in the Christian singles blog, there are several entries that refute this fairy tale theory with scriptural references. Click on the subject listing for all of those entries on the topic. Still, I believe this subject matter is apropos here because even though a mate may not be the focus, a lack of effort or a compromise of expectation and the results aren't anything you would like to praise God for.

Just pause for a moment. This issue is about to get a resolved but there is going to be a fight and we'll have to wrestle with that twist that was made in the truth when this lesson was taught (Ephesians 6:12 AMP).

Ready? "Ding!"

This topic is not new to this blog either. There is a subject listing here too. Check it out and click on the topic to your right in the middle of the blog.With each entry there is another nuance added due to the reasoning of those trying to hold onto that which has passed away (2 Peter 2:18-22 KJV). I hope those entries will make this one more clear for you.

I introduced this title in the group created on face book, Making It Plain. One of the comments were, "most people make lists, It is only normal (or something to that effect)." Having been guilty of doing this as well, I pondered over the comment made. As I thought about the scripture to correspond, the resolve being that there is a different expectation for a man then there is for a woman.

First, let's make it clear, if you can write a list of all of the qualities you would like in a mate, please make sure you can mirror or are able to state that you have all of those qualities as well. As far as asking God for some material wealth...how have you taken care of what you already received (Luke 12:48 AMP)? A teenager would love for his parents to purchase him a car the moment he has passed the test to receive his license. But has that same teen made his bed consistently? Has he done well in school? Is he respectful to his parents and those in authority? If not, how then should he be rewarded with a car? The same is true for a believer of Christ asking for what he/she cannot obtain him/herself. What have you done for God lately?
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Second, ladies for you to make a list must be in order for you to recall  not to compromise with what God has promised (Numbers 23:19 AMP). Bad relationships have come and gone. At the end of each one, we say never again. Just know that once you rid yourself from the fear of being a spinster, lonely nights, and the bong of your biological clock - you will have no need of a list (1 John 4:18 AMP). Your heart will then be set back in the right place (Isaiah 26:3 KJV). Your focus returns to serving God and for Him to say, "thou good and faithful servant, well done." Once you have formed that habit - the presentation happens. You know, what God did for Adam before the fall of man (Genesis 2:20-22 KJV).

Finally, gentlemen it is you that can create a list of what you need  from your good thing. The outward

appearance, education, skills, experience, finances, home owner, and so forth and so on. These are the qualities you are expecting for God to bless you with in a wife. Are you as accommodating to God? He has a list for you as well. Can you fill it? He expects for you to have practiced the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-24 AMP). He expects for you to be living enveloped in the 2 major commandments by which Jesus said you can hang all of the law and commandments (Matthew 22:37-40 KJV). He expects to hear your prayers for someone who has done wrong to you and you are asking for this person to be forgiven and blessed (Matthew 5:44 KJV). He expects to hear your praise and thanksgiving when what you have asked for has not been immediately given to you (Philippians 4:6 AMP). He expects for you to never be without the garment of praise, without being clothed with thanksgiving, or without the whole armor. Wow, that's a pretty hefty list. What does yours look like?

Where Are The Headaches Coming From?

I don't know if it is still a popular excuse for not being affectionate to your husband, but it use to be. If it wasn't from my married friends, it was heard on television sitcoms. Oddly, the excuse wasn't that funny....on a sitcom or in real life. If there wasn't a medical issue, what is/was the problem? And if used as an excuse, what did the husband do to aid in making his wife feel better?

Are those days gone where women can bring home the bacon, fry it in the pan, and never let her

husband forget he is a man (lyrics to an old cigarette commercial)? At the time of that jingle, women weren't doing it all but fighting for equal rights to have the opportunity to. Why? Because she was tired of being supportive to her husband, taking care of the children, managing the home, while believing her husband is making an income to bring home. The real picture, she either was clue-less or wished not to know that at work, the guys had developed the boys-will-be-boys club. What your wife don't know, won't hurt her was the motto or mission statement. The "boys" do what they did in the fraternity days then come home vaguely describing to their wives what had to be done to make business deals and the networking process. Did she actually know what he was doing? Probably not, but she knew something wasn't right. One the inside, he could tell. All women have that - if you didn't know.

By the time the both of them retired to the marital bed, the stress of not knowing what her husband really did, coping with home management, and whatever he was bringing home with him that she doesn't know about (i.e., STDs, being one with another, absence of him, etc.) could very well cause a headache or what can be translated as "alone' time to sort some things out (Proverbs 14:1 AMP).

You see, what he doesn't consider is that woman who he vowed to love, honor, cherish, while forsaking all others, has a family to raise. She can do her best to wear a mask for the neighbors, family and friends, but it doesn't work with her own children. They know her and as they grow up, they are watching the dynamics of their parents. While the facade rather then the truth continues to play, the children develop their own values based on what they see (Proverbs 22:6 AMP).

God tells us to study and meditate on the Word day and night; then you will have good success (Joshua 1:8 AMP). That good success comes from understanding what was studied. It isn't all pretty. The ugly isn't preached too often because the speaker would have to be made accountable for his own actions and life. Where did Cain get the idea of killing his brother (Genesis :10-12 AMP)? Did Abraham teach Isaac to lie (Genesis 12:19; 26:9 AMP)? Where did Lot's daughters get the idea to have their first born with their father (Genesis 19:32 AMP)? Why would Amnon lust after his sister (2 Samuel 13:1-20 AMP)? Where did these feelings acted out come from? We can generalize to make ourselves feel more comfortable by saying the fall of man was the cause; however, will our lives change if we localize each act? Could we consider our ways more succinctly if we did?

If Adam asked for forgiveness before he laid with Eve, would Cain be a different man? If Abraham relied on God rather than speaking in fear to King, would Isaac have reacted differently as well? If Lot had not just accepted Abraham's overflow but actually picked up some of his habits as a part of his life, would his daughters have done so too? If David would have repented for sleeping with Bathsheba then tricking her husband, would he have lost his son?

The wife having a headache at the time where her husband feels like expressing affection could be a good thing. He could take that time to do some reflecting and gain some perspective on what HE has done that she doesn't know about...but God does.

When she has a headache....again, he could stop and think if he has been satisfying her. If she feels like she is loved and cherished, headaches could become a thing of the past. But if he is only out for his own pleasure and she has to get her's the best way she can, well....look for a life time of headaches to come. Woman was made for man but she wasn't made to be neglected or abused. You think its just behind closed doors? God sees you.

When the woman he married changes, the last thing he should do is complain to her about it. She may have gained 30, 50, 100 pounds but could that weight be to compensate for the baggage he brought home when he did those "boyish" things that she doesn't know about....but God does.

She might not wear the sexy clothes that she use to or talk soft and sweet anymore but she didn't have as much on her mind before she married you. As written in a post titled, A Messy Life, A Messy Wife, the change she has made is because of you. If you are the same man she agreed to marry when you proposed, you will get the wife that you remembered.

Who Signs Up For This?

I write a separate blog for Christian singles for purposes of teaching messages that aren't readily heard over the pulpit. It is to tell the younger generation a couple of things that aren't usually thought of or expected. I have tried to understand why the older generation keeps such crucial information to themselves when we all hope that the next generation has much more success then the previous one - or at least, we are supposed to be thinking this way (Titus 2:3-5 AMP). Is it more amusing to see such young people crash and burn then to see them at peace with all that they have been blessed with? I try to understand why. The only answer I can come up with is - jealousy. If you have a better answer as to why you haven't taught anyone anything - I will make the retraction.

It has to be true in every believer's life, where we have looked around at all that we have been through and can still say that I am standing and still on fire for Christ. But then upon closer scrutiny, maintaining the stance doesn't seem like the victory that it was supposed to be (Romans 12:11 AMP). As you struggled through to get to the calling you know you are destined to do, sinners right and left are making what seems the abundance that is supposed to be yours (Colossians 3:5-6 AMP). While you drive the hoop-dee, Pimp Daddy laughs at you cruising in his Lexus. While your trying to put some pennies together to purchase laundry detergent, the neighbors who aren't thinking about God just came home with bags and bags of designer clothes and shoes. While you look at the spouse you married believing marital life was one thing but the rolls of fat or receding hair line is clearly telling you otherwise and a co-worker with a Cabala red string just came back from a European holiday with his live in girl friend. You just have to ask, what the bleepity-bleep-bleep is going on (Galatians 5:19-21 AMP)?

The subject matter for this entry has much to do with marital life. Its the look on the spouse's face after finding some disgusting habit that he/she never saw while dating. Its the expression of seeing the spouse as some sort of stranger. For some it happens within a few weeks, for others, it not only takes years but also seeing single life as the treasure once had and should have kept.

The institution of marriage is a wonderful thing (Hebrews 13:4 AMP). The sanctity of that union is something that all single people who believe Jesus is Lord aspire to obtain. The issue which draws me to write is the rush of getting that sanctity by any means necessary. When all of the fairy dust is cleared, the wedding favors have been taken or tossed, the bridal gown is put away once and for all, and the attention is resumed on the factors of life - promises vowed are expected to be upheld. That expectation is stressful to those immature not quite ready for absolute monogamy. Seeing skid marks in underwear, having to see your bride shave her armpits, or sitting on the toilet certainly ruins the mystique. If ever wondering why one wishes to maintain a certain sense of privacy, you now have the answer.

While the things aforementioned doesn't seem too big to discuss right now, when going through them, it is all one can think about until something bigger comes along. Which is what I am trying to get to. Originally, I thought I would never think about marriage again. I had been through it and wasn't looking forward to getting back into it. In fact, I made a promise to God when the papers were signed and all things were finalized, I would never do such a thing to myself ever again. I did mean that, much like I meant once I had my last child, I wasn't going to have anymore. But then in reading the Word of God and realizing why women were created, it would be selfish for any woman to make the resounding statement never, ever walking down the aisle of matrimony. Why selfish? Because woman was created for man (1 Corinthians 11:8-9 AMP). If she refuses to do what she is created for, she is going against her purpose. She would then be in opposition to God.

Then one sees where marriage has been going in the last 20 years. It isn't something hopeful to be apart of. Initially, we all think that our marriage is going to be different from everyone else's but most certainly those people having experiences in divorce court believed the same thing at one time or another. Just like a vegetable garden, the marriage has to be worked on so not to be over run by weeds, small animals stealing a meal, over growth of the vegetables, and insect infestation. When Adam was given the garden to tend, it served 3 fold. Adam had something to do, he was developing habits to continue to do, and could see if he slacked off from doing what was needed, something or someone else could come in and take over. This is marriage and the man's responsibility to maintain - or at least initiate the maintenance of it.

Women must see what he is doing before accepting a date much less his proposal. He has to have something to do and is maintaining it. If she is desperate to marry and doesn't see certain matters already in place, she will be the one doing it all. This has happened over and over again. She is exhausted, with children, and doesn't look anything like she did when he first took her "off the market." She becomes resentful and bitter towards him. He doesn't know what has happened to her and why she is angry all of the time. What he will say that destroys the marriage is that she changed. That would not be true entirely and most of the time, he knows it. He changed her because of what he didn't do but promised to when they exchanged vows.

I have a theory about May/December romances. I believe a man gets such the younger woman so she won't realize what the women his age already knows. It is why the men in the ministry I use to attend would go elsewhere to find their brides. They knew that the pastor informed the women of the church certain things that they needed to look for in a man. If he did not have those things, not to give him the time of day. The pastor expounded on a wealth of information, having been a conformed "wolf" himself, according to him. He saw the women of that ministry as his little sisters. It was touching and appreciated, yet the appreciation was short lived because there were marriages going on in the ministry but not to the women that had been in attendance for many years waiting. The wait served as temptation to dummy down for the men and pretend not to know what has been taught to them or continue to wait and past the test. The deception was seed sown to be harvested once the marriage had taken place. Again, bitterness and resentment would be the product of such seed.

In scripture, I was reading of other marriages that did not have the happy endings that is originally thought of when the exchanging nuptials come about. Nabal was an evil man as considered by David (1 Samuel 25:5-32 AMP). He was wealthy enough to give to David's troops after battle but didn't see how he had to be the one to loose his possessions for the sake of men that had done nothing for him. David was ready to drive his sword through this man for having such an attitude. But if it weren't for his wife, Abigail, to run and save her husband from his mouth, she would have been a widow sooner than expected.

Job was on his own having an offering fest for sins that no one confessed to him. How upset could his wife have been losing all of her children and everything she had helped to build with this man? She didn't know what he had done. She was over wrought. Why else would she have told him to do what she did (Job 2:9 AMP)?

How about Queen Vashti? She was minding her own business while her husband the King had declared a 6 month party of drinking wine. No one was drinking but him when he called for his wife. Why wouldn't she go to him? Was it because that is all the King would do is party and drink? Could she have been tired? When she didn't go to him, was it disturbing to him or did it become disturbing when he received the advice from a bunch of princes? After their advice, the Queen was dismissed. She received a bill of divorce. How surprising could that have been (Esther 1:1-20 AMP)?

When we marry, do we do so with blinders on? Are we so in love with being in love or with being married or with having guilt free sex, or with the financial benefits that come with marriage so much so we don't see the hearts of those we marry? The Word tells us that man sees the outward appearance but God sees the heart of man. He tests the hearts of men. With Him being the greater one on the inside of us, do we really have an excuse or surprised at what our mates will do over the years? God tested each and everyone of us. Many of those tests were given while we were going through the dating process, if we are being honest with ourselves.

In reading the testaments from the scriptures, we must be able to see that in sowing good seed there has to be a good product. God said that with every seed of its own kind, will produce that product of that seed (Genesis 1:12 AMP). If love is sown, love is given. If peace is sown, peace is given, If kindness is sown, kindness is given. What choices have you made? It is written, God said for man to be fruitful and multiply. While for years believers  thought this to mean procreation, being under the new dispensation, why not think in terms of the fruit of the Holy Spirit? If we multiply that, how pleased would God be with us?

What Is A Husband?

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post entitled, What Is A Wife? This would be the answer for what the women would like to know. There is balance in all things in Christ.

Most women have this image of what we would like for our husbands to be. If our biological fathers were wonderful in our childhood, the imagination doesn't have to go far. The only difference is along with that perfect personality it would be nice if only he doesn't wear his socks to bed, has washboard abs, a 6 figure income and enjoys it when his wife spends his money. I know, I know, then we have to grow up incorporate the Word and get real about the matter (Romans 12:2 AMP). Its the last part that many of us find difficult - the getting real part.

Getting real for some, especially if the wait is longer then anyone would have expected, is to settle and be flexible in not getting what we were hoping for. This isn't something I am guessing at but have seen, have done it myself, and have asked questions for the answers to be just what I wrote - settle. When making that decision to settle, it is because some other thought caused the original thinking process to change. The thought being that it is impossible to hope to gain such a person. It is the knight in shining armor, the gentleman that will not only be the ideal husband and father but will cause you to be the envy of all of the church ladies who married beneath them (Jeremiah 17:7 AMP). It is the not having to deal with flicked boogers, scratching himself in front of people, ear hair, belching, passing gas without  regard to whomever else is in the room, and so many other things men go through when they leave their 20's and 30's. I know, it isn't a pleasant thought; nevertheless, its better then being a spinster - right? Well, it is the end result in some of the thought processes with leaving the original hope that we can have all things too.

Why did you change from hoping for the best? Is it because of where you live? Is it because your environment is conducive of not creating men as described above? Is it because you don't feel you are worthy of better? Is it because you have been told it is better to marry then to be the age you are without a husband or children? Is the person you are with not someone who you are particularly attracted to? Have you already settled for Mr. Right Now? Is it too late to make the wrong right?

First, let's get some things straight about the original thought you had with the knight in shining armor or the wonderful characteristics you were hoping for. Remember when Jesus said that we should have the faith of a child (Matthew 18:2-4 AMP). It is because children only have innocent intent. Their thoughts are not bamboozled with negative words. Many times children have hopes that they keep to themselves because they would like to keep those hopes. Recall what happened to Joseph when he told his brothers what he had dreamt. His flesh and blood sought for his demise (Genesis 37:11-18 AMP)! Jesus also told the adults that it would be better for a millstone to be put around the neck of the person that offended the little ones and be thrown into the sea (Matthew 18:6 AMP). Why? Because the thoughts and faith of a child is what God has put in them. It is their vision, their hope of what they can have if they are diligent (Hebrews 11:6 AMP). Children know nothing of prejudice, hate, and malice unless taught by an adult. Keep your original hope alive and live it through all the way until the end no matter what has been told to you.

A minister assumed that I was interested in a particular man. I never said anything to him. Yet he took it upon himself to preach to me about who and what I am and if I am worthy of this man's interest. I wondered who did he think he was for telling me such things. He even got personal into what I looked like and if I could ever be worthy of this particular man's interest. I found the whole thing fascinating. Because I never spoke to this man or the minister in the first place, I never had to defend myself. I allowed God to be who He is (the Author and Finisher of my faith) and watched the show. Both individuals are no longer a part of the ministry where I was attending. That was God getting His revenge and it was so much sweeter then anything I could have ever done (Romans 12:19 AMP)!

I did learn from that experience. For the longest time I thought I had to be a certain sort in order for me to meet that sort of man. Yet Ruth was a Moabite and came to a place with her mother-in-law, Naomi, to meet Boaz (Ruth 1:22 AMP). Boaz was the wealthiest man in the area. Ruth had nothing. Esther came with her Uncle to enter a pageant to see who was it that would be chosen to be the King's new queen. Esther wasn't a queen herself until she was chosen to be (Esther 2:7 AMP). The minister preaching said that the man he assumed I was interested in was a prince among men. Then he compared who he thought I was to what he thought this man to be. He had no right. He didn't know me. He was dealing with his own insecurities and using me as his scapegoat. God showed him otherwise though.

In the dating process, there will be all sorts of men that will say whatever they can to gain your interest. He might be the knight in shining armor or a wolf in sheep's clothing. It is up to you to have your artillery at the ready (Ephesians 6:11 AMP). You have to be prayed up. In everything you do acknowledge Him. When you wake thank Him for the day and pray for what you would like to happen in the day. It might be such a small thing but faith starts off small too. Once you make this a habit, watch and see how God will change the course of your life and put you in an environment that is rich with all you need to gain all you had hoped for - originally. Pray for those that put those negative thoughts in your mind (Luke 6:28 AMP). Remember the verse about the millstone? Pray.

Finally, there is a verse that perfectly describes what a husband is. Most pastors don't preach this message (well, none that I have heard in the 30 plus years that I have been attending church services) much. I believe it is because they would have to answer to it themselves. Nevertheless, it doesn't make it not true. He must love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave His life up for her (Ephesians 5:25 AMP). This is a powerful statement. It says so much in one sentence. Is there such a man that can do what Jesus did for the church? If he didn't have the ability, God would have never put the verse in scripture. He (as well as you) can do all things through Christ which strengthens you (Philippians 4:13 AMP).

Let's make it a visual: If you meet this wonderful man and he has a good career and has established himself in the company where he is but you were given a wonderful opportunity in another part of the country, would he leave his job and go where you need to be? Or would he expect for you to leave the opportunity that you have to stay where he is? Here's another visual: If a man you are engaged to gets an inheritance of 6 figures and is thinking it would be to his best interest to have you sign a pre-nuptial agreement, do you think he had this epiphany from God or from his own mind and are you in agreement with what he suggests? The last visual: If while the two of you were dating and both of you were working at places that you both enjoyed, when you got married he decides that he would like for you to be a stay at home wife. Something neither of you discussed while dating. If it is upsetting to you, should he still expect for you to be at home? Yet these things have happened in the lives of married couples. The woman believes it is her duty to compromise every single time for her to be the help that her role is, yet, the man has not compromised anything. He is the head of her and expects what he wants. She is to be submissive to him and to do as he wishes. There is no compromise, yet the woman compromised with her original aspirations to marry such the man. Inner turmoil begins in such a union and spawns into something else that is not favorable (James 1:20 AMP).

The Word says that he who can find a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22 AMP). He would then have to make a search. Unfortunately, this has been preached to look at the outward appearance. Being under a new dispensation in Christ, we have to look deeper into that verse to see that he would have to find the wife from within. Does she have a heart to be a wife? If he finds such a woman, then he obtains favor from the Lord. He would have to rely on God for that. In so doing, he has favor. He doesn't get the favor unless he can do those things. Therefore, it would be in your best interest to note what he is asking and what he expects. If he cannot give up anything for you, then he is telling you the love for you is not there. He loves himself more then you (2 Timothy 3 AMP). There is no settling in that believing he will change eventually when you marry him.

Here's another visual: Whatever a man considers to be a part of his livelihood is what he has become comfortable with. He planned  for it. He worked for it. He is content with it. If it is compromised, he will do whatever is necessary to maintain to keep it. Enters a woman he hopes to be his wife. Which is more important? Would he give up his livelihood for this woman? He will obtain favor from the Lord with her. Does he already have favor from the Lord? How could he without a wife? Does he wish to obtain favor from the Lord? Would he give up his livelihood for that favor?

These would be interesting date questions. It is actually what the Lord asked the rich young ruler (Matthew 19:16-26 AMP). Look what happened to him. What kind of husband do you think he would have made? Selah.

Cheaters!

You know who you are! You have been this way for quite sometime. Yes, you did the acceptable thing in Christian circles by going to the altar so all could see you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal Savior, but only you and God see how you really were then and now as you read this post (Romans 12:2 AMP).

As you looked around the church and see how many members conduct themselves, what were you thinking (Luke 6:45 AMP)? Did you really wish to be more like them in Christ, or did you just need one of them in your household so you could continue on in your dirt but be considered clean because of who you married (1 Corinthians 7:13-17 AMP)? Why aren't you ashamed yet? Look at what you have done to make that innocent person miserable? Does it matter to you? Has it ever mattered?

If not, you need to know something: just as real as God is to the people you decided to infiltrate, He will become real to you. He is good and His goodness continues as a Father. Would that you could be shielded by the one person you married. What if the one person you married called on Him for help? Shall I pray for mercy and grace upon your soul (1 Timothy 2:3 AMP)? Idk...I detest cheaters so.

Why? because if you cheat, you'll lie. If you'll lie, you will steal. If you steal, you will kill (John 8:44 AMP). All of these actions are the characteristics of the enemy (John 10:10 KJV). Entertainment of the these fruits is the same as the personality of sinners. Who do you think you are fooling (Galatians 6:7 AMP)?

What Is A Wife?

A question seemingly to be obvious but the truth of the matter is, most women enter the institution of marriage with a blind fold on hoping to feel for the target as she goes along (Psalm 119:105 KJV). In the past few decades, however, women might think that which is apparent, we have been missing it. Well, that's what divorce is. It is apparent to one what to do and the other is not in agreement. The lack of agreement over a given period of time is failure to maintain the one-ness that marriage is; which is the definition of divorce. It takes two to be married - so, it can't be the fault of one without the other. Right?

Coming to this conclusion, too many women have agreed to do some things different after processing other failed relationships in their minds. However, they don't realize that it sells themselves short of the treasure that women really are. Some women have agreed in many circumstances just to live together without some superficial paper stating what the two (the man and woman) have claimed to be in their own minds - married. This way, if it doesn't work out, each can go their separate ways without all of the red tape, lawyers and money involved (Galatians 6:7 AMP). Both have learned a lesson and the next time won't make those same mistakes. It works out perfectly and no one gets hurt. Right?

Here's the funny thing though, if it is just a superficial piece of paper why does it mean so much when the process begins? When celebrities that have lived together for years in harmony (supposedly) and then get married, why does that superficial piece of paper the reason for the demise of their union? Why is it that the difference between making those vows (promises) to do what the minister, clergy, or officiant, tells the two to repeat causes some to stutter, cry, or even pause at what is being said. If its so superficial, why get cold feet after all of the money has been spent, invitations have been sent, and the tailoring of all of the clothes have been done? Its the same person that you have been dating in front of the same people invited to come and celebrate with you just to get a simple supposedly superficial piece of paper (1 Corinthians 7:1-5 AMP). Right?

Yet, in all of that process of trying to figure what is and isn't superficial or what is good in the sight of God, no one has taken the time to find out what would be good for the two individuals getting hitched for the rest of their lives. No one has taken the time to see if that can be done and will it affect the Kingdom Life that was sought after all while the two were single. In some ministries, there is marital counseling and thank God for the insight there; nevertheless, before the two become one, there should be counseling individually for each to understand what is expected of the other.

We hope that the two are mature enough to figure this out for themselves, yet the truth of the matter can be read in black and white as the divorce rate is anything but zero. The answer is not for the two to live together in secret and hope that it will all work out, God is not mocked. The answer is not for the two to live with the parents of the other so the parents can figure it out for the son; and then, if that doesn't work, the parents can send her on her way but the son is saved and she will have to pick up the pieces with her own family. Gee, how loving!

When the two receive counseling individually, then let the next session be together as they come to realize some things. Did she wish to work outside of the home? Did she wish to have children? How many, if she does? Did she realize that she is supposed to be the help to her husband? What does this help mean to her?Did she know that he will be the head of her (Ephesians 5:23 KJV)? Did she know that she is to reverence him (1 Peter 3:2 AMP)? Does she know what reverence means? Does she know that he is to love her as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25 KJV)? Does she know what that means? Does she know that she is to be submissive to her husband (Ephesians 5:22 AMP)? Does she know that the verse above that one is that they are suppose to submit to each other (Ephesians 5:21 AMP)? Does she know that arguing isn't healthy in a marriage or any relationship (James 1:20 AMP)? These are the things that are baffling to many people, even those not seeking to be married. These are things that are necessary to be known to have Kingdom Living (Romans 14:17 KJV). Without Kingdom Living in place, marriage will not be the catalyst that will give it to the individual or the couple.

To answer the question, what is a wife, one would have to find out what Jesus expected from the church then make it applicable to the individual. This can be different to each of us because we are assigned different tasks in the body of Christ. Be as it may, she has to know what it is that God has spoken in her heart to do. This way when the right man comes and asks for her hand, he is going to treat her as it is written. She will recognize the greater one on the inside of him because He is the same on the inside of her. They are equal and joy, peace and righteousness can continue and are all the more stronger for it. Selah.

Calmly Think On This (Selah)

I was reading a book entitled, Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible by Jay E. Adams. It is one of the few books that I even bothered to read the preface and introduction (I usually like getting into the meat of the Word, nevertheless...) before really diving into it. Not usually reading Christian authors that weren't referred to me by a reputable Christian themselves (Matthew 7:16 KJV), I was surprised that some of the questions he remarks about, even before I could finish the first chapter, I have had; which is the reason for this blog entry.

The topic of his book is where I believe God called me to (along with the family, of course) and I am in agreement with the author that there just isn't enough information to help believers who seem to be falling in slots of the world with the excuse that God doesn't mention these matters in the Word and therefore neither do men and women of God. That would be error.

The other focus the author mentions is the differences between conservative and liberal Christians. Terms I would only use with politicians but until he described his definitions of each, I had to do a selah myself. The liberals bend the biblical principles to fit everyone in and the conservatives border on tradition and religion rather then faith, research for the truth, and prayer. Which are you?

Its just with all of the reading, it made me think of something that I don't believe has really been an issue. I  don't mean for it to be an issue now, its just that I would think that pastors would be more on their guard not to marry people so quickly just because the two individuals say that they are ready when we all know who has ever been there, they don't have a clue. Let's calmly think about this, seeing it is one of the elements that makes the foundation for the next generation.

Understanding that the two young people determined to marry have no idea what the life they are choosing will come to, who then is at fault when the two end up in divorce. Resoundingly, most people will say that it is the fault of the two individuals that decided to marry, yet we have already established that they have no idea what they are getting themselves into. So therefore, we could then use the verse, my people perish for lack of knowledge, and be done with it (Hosea 4:6 KJV). Oh well, it was their choice. But what about the verses that if you know to do good and not do it, to him it is a sin (James 4:17 KJV)? Or the one about, the older training the younger (Titus 2:1-4 AMP)? What about the one where the Word tells that if you saw that something bad was going to happen and did nothing to stop it and bad happened, that the blood is on your hands (Ezekiel 33:1-11 AMP)? With that established, let's look at these young people stepping into a territory that they know nothing about.

Not doing things as the world does them, wouldn't it be beneficial for all of the denominations to come together and be in agreement - at least those that believe Jesus is Lord and are only looking to please the Father, to not marry anyone without them agreeing to 4 weeks of marital counseling. I don't mean meeting one day a week... I mean 4 weeks. That's 30 days! 30 days of the pastor (or qualified Christian counselor) seeing the behavior of the two people each time they come in to meet, the attitude of the two people when asked those tough questions, the answers given of the two when topics that weren't discussed in the dating process comes up, talking about finances, sex, their history of sex, children, family, values, ethics, morals, fidelity, taxes, etc. No stone left unturned. If not this way, then what?

I pose the question to all who believe that Jesus is Lord. There will come a day when we are all going to be judged (James 5:9-10 AMP). Believers who have divorced and have remarried will be judged as whore mongers and adulterers, for it is written (Hebrews 13:4 KJV). There is no getting around that. But if the two that married didn't know this and the one that married them did - who is it again that will be judged? I have been to Christian counseling sessions and I believed many times that the counselor would have this enormous insight about the issue I was having. I believed this not only because of the expertise but also because of the anointing that is on this professional individual. I cannot describe to you the disappointment when leaving the session no more enlightened then I was going in. Would that be my fault that there was no breakthrough? The counselor would have you believe that it is. What would Jesus say?

There are pastors, ministers, evangelists, and all sorts of clergy that marry people to enhance and build their congregation. On the outside it looks well and we move on to matters of more concern. But if we really looked at the heart of this man/woman of God in doing such a thing it is the equivalence of giving the keys to a drunk to drive himself safely home with the instruction, "be careful." You can see that he cannot be careful! He is not equipped to! How can we keep doing this?!!