Thursday, November 1, 2012

Who Signs Up For This?

I write a separate blog for Christian singles for purposes of teaching messages that aren't readily heard over the pulpit. It is to tell the younger generation a couple of things that aren't usually thought of or expected. I have tried to understand why the older generation keeps such crucial information to themselves when we all hope that the next generation has much more success then the previous one - or at least, we are supposed to be thinking this way (Titus 2:3-5 AMP). Is it more amusing to see such young people crash and burn then to see them at peace with all that they have been blessed with? I try to understand why. The only answer I can come up with is - jealousy. If you have a better answer as to why you haven't taught anyone anything - I will make the retraction.

It has to be true in every believer's life, where we have looked around at all that we have been through and can still say that I am standing and still on fire for Christ. But then upon closer scrutiny, maintaining the stance doesn't seem like the victory that it was supposed to be (Romans 12:11 AMP). As you struggled through to get to the calling you know you are destined to do, sinners right and left are making what seems the abundance that is supposed to be yours (Colossians 3:5-6 AMP). While you drive the hoop-dee, Pimp Daddy laughs at you cruising in his Lexus. While your trying to put some pennies together to purchase laundry detergent, the neighbors who aren't thinking about God just came home with bags and bags of designer clothes and shoes. While you look at the spouse you married believing marital life was one thing but the rolls of fat or receding hair line is clearly telling you otherwise and a co-worker with a Cabala red string just came back from a European holiday with his live in girl friend. You just have to ask, what the bleepity-bleep-bleep is going on (Galatians 5:19-21 AMP)?

The subject matter for this entry has much to do with marital life. Its the look on the spouse's face after finding some disgusting habit that he/she never saw while dating. Its the expression of seeing the spouse as some sort of stranger. For some it happens within a few weeks, for others, it not only takes years but also seeing single life as the treasure once had and should have kept.

The institution of marriage is a wonderful thing (Hebrews 13:4 AMP). The sanctity of that union is something that all single people who believe Jesus is Lord aspire to obtain. The issue which draws me to write is the rush of getting that sanctity by any means necessary. When all of the fairy dust is cleared, the wedding favors have been taken or tossed, the bridal gown is put away once and for all, and the attention is resumed on the factors of life - promises vowed are expected to be upheld. That expectation is stressful to those immature not quite ready for absolute monogamy. Seeing skid marks in underwear, having to see your bride shave her armpits, or sitting on the toilet certainly ruins the mystique. If ever wondering why one wishes to maintain a certain sense of privacy, you now have the answer.

While the things aforementioned doesn't seem too big to discuss right now, when going through them, it is all one can think about until something bigger comes along. Which is what I am trying to get to. Originally, I thought I would never think about marriage again. I had been through it and wasn't looking forward to getting back into it. In fact, I made a promise to God when the papers were signed and all things were finalized, I would never do such a thing to myself ever again. I did mean that, much like I meant once I had my last child, I wasn't going to have anymore. But then in reading the Word of God and realizing why women were created, it would be selfish for any woman to make the resounding statement never, ever walking down the aisle of matrimony. Why selfish? Because woman was created for man (1 Corinthians 11:8-9 AMP). If she refuses to do what she is created for, she is going against her purpose. She would then be in opposition to God.

Then one sees where marriage has been going in the last 20 years. It isn't something hopeful to be apart of. Initially, we all think that our marriage is going to be different from everyone else's but most certainly those people having experiences in divorce court believed the same thing at one time or another. Just like a vegetable garden, the marriage has to be worked on so not to be over run by weeds, small animals stealing a meal, over growth of the vegetables, and insect infestation. When Adam was given the garden to tend, it served 3 fold. Adam had something to do, he was developing habits to continue to do, and could see if he slacked off from doing what was needed, something or someone else could come in and take over. This is marriage and the man's responsibility to maintain - or at least initiate the maintenance of it.

Women must see what he is doing before accepting a date much less his proposal. He has to have something to do and is maintaining it. If she is desperate to marry and doesn't see certain matters already in place, she will be the one doing it all. This has happened over and over again. She is exhausted, with children, and doesn't look anything like she did when he first took her "off the market." She becomes resentful and bitter towards him. He doesn't know what has happened to her and why she is angry all of the time. What he will say that destroys the marriage is that she changed. That would not be true entirely and most of the time, he knows it. He changed her because of what he didn't do but promised to when they exchanged vows.

I have a theory about May/December romances. I believe a man gets such the younger woman so she won't realize what the women his age already knows. It is why the men in the ministry I use to attend would go elsewhere to find their brides. They knew that the pastor informed the women of the church certain things that they needed to look for in a man. If he did not have those things, not to give him the time of day. The pastor expounded on a wealth of information, having been a conformed "wolf" himself, according to him. He saw the women of that ministry as his little sisters. It was touching and appreciated, yet the appreciation was short lived because there were marriages going on in the ministry but not to the women that had been in attendance for many years waiting. The wait served as temptation to dummy down for the men and pretend not to know what has been taught to them or continue to wait and past the test. The deception was seed sown to be harvested once the marriage had taken place. Again, bitterness and resentment would be the product of such seed.

In scripture, I was reading of other marriages that did not have the happy endings that is originally thought of when the exchanging nuptials come about. Nabal was an evil man as considered by David (1 Samuel 25:5-32 AMP). He was wealthy enough to give to David's troops after battle but didn't see how he had to be the one to loose his possessions for the sake of men that had done nothing for him. David was ready to drive his sword through this man for having such an attitude. But if it weren't for his wife, Abigail, to run and save her husband from his mouth, she would have been a widow sooner than expected.

Job was on his own having an offering fest for sins that no one confessed to him. How upset could his wife have been losing all of her children and everything she had helped to build with this man? She didn't know what he had done. She was over wrought. Why else would she have told him to do what she did (Job 2:9 AMP)?

How about Queen Vashti? She was minding her own business while her husband the King had declared a 6 month party of drinking wine. No one was drinking but him when he called for his wife. Why wouldn't she go to him? Was it because that is all the King would do is party and drink? Could she have been tired? When she didn't go to him, was it disturbing to him or did it become disturbing when he received the advice from a bunch of princes? After their advice, the Queen was dismissed. She received a bill of divorce. How surprising could that have been (Esther 1:1-20 AMP)?

When we marry, do we do so with blinders on? Are we so in love with being in love or with being married or with having guilt free sex, or with the financial benefits that come with marriage so much so we don't see the hearts of those we marry? The Word tells us that man sees the outward appearance but God sees the heart of man. He tests the hearts of men. With Him being the greater one on the inside of us, do we really have an excuse or surprised at what our mates will do over the years? God tested each and everyone of us. Many of those tests were given while we were going through the dating process, if we are being honest with ourselves.

In reading the testaments from the scriptures, we must be able to see that in sowing good seed there has to be a good product. God said that with every seed of its own kind, will produce that product of that seed (Genesis 1:12 AMP). If love is sown, love is given. If peace is sown, peace is given, If kindness is sown, kindness is given. What choices have you made? It is written, God said for man to be fruitful and multiply. While for years believers  thought this to mean procreation, being under the new dispensation, why not think in terms of the fruit of the Holy Spirit? If we multiply that, how pleased would God be with us?

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