Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Making A Vow For Life - Then Relinquishing It

What we should know, by now, is that God hates divorce. What may be the real question, especially during the time of offense and being away from the very one you vowed to be with for the rest of your life is getting on your nerves, is why does God hate the very thing that could set you free? Understand that it is only the truth that makes and sets anyone free. The truth can only be found in the Word; so let's go there to really and truly be delivered from that which binds you.

First, let's set the stage for those counselors and ministers who try to place a band aid on cancer. Like it or not when a couple comes for godly counsel one must look beyond the religious views of training and delve into what the couple is saying. When two people have contemplated divorce and are Christian, there has been 1 or all 3 things that have taken place:
1. There was no godly pre-marital counseling before the preparation of the ceremony.
2. Lust was involved, so rational and common sense were removed.
3. Divorce was not an impulse decision but something that has been fed by speaking it and thinking it whenever there was an intense argument.

It is already a given that selfishness is the foundation of the decision; reason being, it was the base by which the marriage was developed. Though everyone heard the beautiful words and mannerisms initially, God saw the hearts of them both and they were not stayed on Him. Therefore, the volatile disposition they have towards one another is suppressed for the sake of the counseling session and should be considered before stating a panacea verse that neither one is willing to understand or do based on their previous behavior.

The questions I would have for the both of them in separate sessions would be:
1. Has anyone prayed?
2. Have you crucified the flesh daily and how?
3. Define Love: first from the heart then from the Word.
4. Why is there a difference in the two definitions?

Then based on those answers and understanding (or lack thereof), the two would be brought together to compare notes. Their salvation in Christ Jesus would be a topic and how life was the decision for them both when entering into the commitment of Christianity. The question then would be if they would ever consider going back to their old ways (2 Corinthians 5:17 AMP)? Their answers, even the pauses would register as being very important here. Those answers redirect the journey of the session. Whether the thought is:
- should I answer based on my belief?
- should I answer based on whether I have to stay married?
- should I answer to prove whether I love my spouse or not?
- is this some sort of trick?

The long and short of it is, the counseling of a marriage headed for divorce court cannot be about if he is loving her as Christ loves the church or is she reverencing her husband, It is obvious that the 2 babes in Christ don't have that understanding. So if the counselor/minister doesn't have the patience to get down to the brass tactics of salvation and the benefits of remaining married, if not for themselves then for those around them, the counselor then must flip it to discuss what the couple came to do - get a divorce.

There was a time where the mere mention of divorce scared me. It used to be because of the reminder of what my family went through when my parents decided to do it, but then the Word states that God hates it (Malachi 2:16 AMP). There is a list of things that God hates and we know not to do; yet divorce has become so common, the scariness of it now is, what is the punishment for going through with it anyway?

We know that God hates sin. We know that the wages of sin is death. So with God hating divorce, should we put divorce on the same scale as sin having the same effect? We see that studies have shown that with both parents working, divorce still has a financial drain on the income. The stress factors increase. The health issues men had before marriage return. Women increase in the workplace have shown through career choices that where men's health issues were women are now getting those same issues. She carries more of the load that she is not equipped for - nevertheless she does what she has to do according to standards that are not written in the Word. Look again at the Proverbs 31 woman. In comparison, we can now see that divorce does have the same sort of lacking effects on the separated individuals.

With this in mind, would there ever be a good reason for two Christians to divorce? The vow based on scripture states, what God has joined together let no man put asunder. If divorce is the answer with a couple, did God join them together? The Word says to not be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14 AMP). Could the inequality have been discovered in the marriage? The Word says how can two walk together unless they agree (Amos 3:3 KJV). The Word tells us that arguing doesn't promote righteousness (James 1:20 AMP). We know that righteousness is an element needed for Kingdom Life (Matthew 6:33 KJV). So in seeking those good things, realizing that a mistake has been made; would God still be in opposition of getting the divorce?

The Word tells us if the spouse asks to leave, then don't try to keep that from happening. It also says that the saved spouse should stay with the non-believer because it keeps the non-believer safe and the children clean (1 Corinthians 7:15 AMP). That last statement can be the turning point for some because the question of the life altering decision is for the benefit of the children - that is if the 2 adults aren't too self absorbed.

This blog doesn't promote divorce. What I am allowing the believer to see where those verses in the bible are and to use in prayer when making such a drastic decision. God allows the true believer to do as he/she pleases; however, the Word reminds us while all things are permissible, they are not all profitable (1 Corinthians 6:12 AMP). The struggle when deciding to divorce will be there, but all is not lost.

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