Women's Day (Part 2)

In rightly dividing the Word, we are supposed to be listening to what is being taught and then having the

desire to study for ourselves. Take out those notes, our bible and spend time to see if the Word was quoted correctly and if it was used in the proper context. With all of those things in order, then and only then could we use the message in applying it into our lives or to use in discussions or to help someone in their time of need. Anything else without these matters in place is a person in error and causing others to be as well. You will discover this as you continue to read.

In the first part of this post, hopefully the idea that a virtuous woman can only be if she is a house wife has been dispelled. Her priority is in Christ and then doing what He has called her to do. This is the message that I didn't hear and is why I write. The other passages under the guise of "Women's Day" also kept the real message from being expounded upon. I am not sure if the reasoning is trying to only teach what the people can be comfortable in hearing or if the ministers were directed not to

preach such things. I don't have those constraints.

The book of Esther is one of those popular sermons where it has been said, to the group of women I was seated with, that if a woman wishes to keep her husband she should do as Esther has done and not Queen Vashti. It was also reiterated of the respect Esther had for her Uncle Mordeccai and for her husband once she became Queen. She also was obedient which is why she was highly favored (though her looks added to some of the benefit). While I took in these lessons, it wasn't until much later in my own studies did I wonder if the female ministers read the entire book of Esther or just the passages that seemed pertinent for the message. I also wondered if these lessons were from the Lord or something seen on television or recorded and watched to be taught again and again. If so, that was not from the Lord's table. The Lord may have prepared a meal in the presence of our enemies, but rest assured the meal had not been eaten before and regurgitated for us to swallow (Psalms 23:5 AMP).

To understand Esther in the role that was thrust upon her, you must first see the king for who he actually was. He was a foolish man. He held parties that lasted far longer then necessary and the only one enjoying his parties was him (Esther 1:1-8 AMP). He would have the food and drinks placed for everyone but no one would be drinking but him. Then when he called for his wife, Vashti, she was tired having thrown her own party for the women and wasn't about to be humiliated as she has been putting up with the king's drunken behavior before (Esther 1:9-12 AMP). She refused him. The king could have pouted for a moment and been over it. But the princes had to be bored. They were the ones that started thinking that the queen had some influence and would cause for their wives to be just as impassive (Esther 1:16-20 AMP). That was fear doing the thinking for them. Seeing the king was not of a sober mind, he listened and acted on that thought of

fear. This is what caused for the queen to lose her position.

Now Esther, she was a child. Not knowing what happened to her actual parents gives some perspective as to why Esther's demeanor was the way it was. She had been obedient and without a doubt her Uncle, a godly man, prayed for her. We also don't know if her Uncle had anymore children of his own. Assuming that he didn't, because the Word never tells us that he went back to his home or to his wife and family, he kept a close watch on his niece. Never did I ever hear how close knit this family was and why Esther may have felt that way; however when her surroundings changed so did she.

Why do you think Esther went from a humbling, obedient, quiet child that was highly favored to one that was going to give her Uncle a directive? He told her what was needed to be done to save the people and that she was placed in the position for this very reason. Instead of her seeing the big picture, she looked at how she had been trained to do as the king ordered (Esther 4:8-11 AMP). The order was, not to disturb the king unless he called for you. Did you notice how Mordeccai got her head back together (Esther 4: 12-17 AMP)? He reminded her where she came from. She saw her position being greater then the niece of her Uncle. Actually, it was...only Esther was a child and didn't see that. She had a decision to make and this may have been the last time her Uncle could give her a directive to follow. After all, she is the queen and needed to be about serving her husband not her Uncle. But, again, this isn't the message that was taught in the services I attended or those I've seen.

Now this is the part that most female speakers get trapped in and deliver the oration as a show on how to be that domestic engineer that all men desire in a woman. What is ministered is that the woman needs to be able to read her man (know his ways). She should not come at him the moment he comes home, but she should allow him to relax, draw him a bath, serve him a hot meal. Then after he has finished and is in a better state of mind, ask what you will. Then the scripture is used in seeing what Esther did with the king just for him to reconsider what he had ordered (Esther 5 AMP). Yeah right! Did we not establish that Esther is a child? Did we not already establish that she had no clue as to what to do with any man much less her husband? And if you keep reading, she didn't ask him with the first dinner, or the second. What I wondered was, what happened afterward? I mean after the order was over and Haman was executed? Did Esther continue cooking her man's meals or did she have those servants do as they have been hired to do? And isn't that manipulative? Does a man appreciate a conniving woman? Is this seed sown and now her husband can be the same way? Is this the sort of thing a woman hopes the rest of her life must consist of in order to speak to her husband? Its ridiculous, isn't it? It sounds like a hard task to keep up with especially when a woman

never had to go through such foolishness as a single person living her life righteous before the Lord. Why would God make marriage hard for us? Answer: He wouldn't.

The real lesson in Esther for the purpose of Women's Day is the childishness of the king listening to the advice of princes. He got what he deserved. The equivalence of who he is. All of those parties and allowing for those who were not chosen to be king have control of the decision making, got him a wife that was equally yoked with his personality. She was a child easily to be controlled and manipulated. We saw this when Mordeccai told Esther what to do. He was no longer in that position to do that, but she adhered to his direction. The princes told the king what to do. They were not in a position to make that decree themselves and if the king knew his place, he would have put those princes in theirs.

When a woman accepts the proposal of a man, she must know that he has the confidence, assertiveness, and aggression to hold the position as being the head of her. He has some direction of where he would like to be and is appreciative of the help that she is able to give to get him there. If its all about him and he doesn't love her as Christ loves the church, and therefore should expect all sorts of trouble. Because this man will be asking advice of all sorts of matters that should be left to you, him, and God - only!

What Is A Husband?

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post entitled, What Is A Wife? This would be the answer for what the women would like to know. There is balance in all things in Christ.

Most women have this image of what we would like for our husbands to be. If our biological fathers were wonderful in our childhood, the imagination doesn't have to go far. The only difference is along with that perfect personality it would be nice if only he doesn't wear his socks to bed, has washboard abs, a 6 figure income and enjoys it when his wife spends his money. I know, I know, then we have to grow up incorporate the Word and get real about the matter (Romans 12:2 AMP). Its the last part that many of us find difficult - the getting real part.

Getting real for some, especially if the wait is longer then anyone would have expected, is to settle and be flexible in not getting what we were hoping for. This isn't something I am guessing at but have seen, have done it myself, and have asked questions for the answers to be just what I wrote - settle. When making that decision to settle, it is because some other thought caused the original thinking process to change. The thought being that it is impossible to hope to gain such a person. It is the knight in shining armor, the gentleman that will not only be the ideal husband and father but will cause you to be the envy of all of the church ladies who married beneath them (Jeremiah 17:7 AMP). It is the not having to deal with flicked boogers, scratching himself in front of people, ear hair, belching, passing gas without  regard to whomever else is in the room, and so many other things men go through when they leave their 20's and 30's. I know, it isn't a pleasant thought; nevertheless, its better then being a spinster - right? Well, it is the end result in some of the thought processes with leaving the original hope that we can have all things too.

Why did you change from hoping for the best? Is it because of where you live? Is it because your environment is conducive of not creating men as described above? Is it because you don't feel you are worthy of better? Is it because you have been told it is better to marry then to be the age you are without a husband or children? Is the person you are with not someone who you are particularly attracted to? Have you already settled for Mr. Right Now? Is it too late to make the wrong right?

First, let's get some things straight about the original thought you had with the knight in shining armor or the wonderful characteristics you were hoping for. Remember when Jesus said that we should have the faith of a child (Matthew 18:2-4 AMP). It is because children only have innocent intent. Their thoughts are not bamboozled with negative words. Many times children have hopes that they keep to themselves because they would like to keep those hopes. Recall what happened to Joseph when he told his brothers what he had dreamt. His flesh and blood sought for his demise (Genesis 37:11-18 AMP)! Jesus also told the adults that it would be better for a millstone to be put around the neck of the person that offended the little ones and be thrown into the sea (Matthew 18:6 AMP). Why? Because the thoughts and faith of a child is what God has put in them. It is their vision, their hope of what they can have if they are diligent (Hebrews 11:6 AMP). Children know nothing of prejudice, hate, and malice unless taught by an adult. Keep your original hope alive and live it through all the way until the end no matter what has been told to you.

A minister assumed that I was interested in a particular man. I never said anything to him. Yet he took it upon himself to preach to me about who and what I am and if I am worthy of this man's interest. I wondered who did he think he was for telling me such things. He even got personal into what I looked like and if I could ever be worthy of this particular man's interest. I found the whole thing fascinating. Because I never spoke to this man or the minister in the first place, I never had to defend myself. I allowed God to be who He is (the Author and Finisher of my faith) and watched the show. Both individuals are no longer a part of the ministry where I was attending. That was God getting His revenge and it was so much sweeter then anything I could have ever done (Romans 12:19 AMP)!

I did learn from that experience. For the longest time I thought I had to be a certain sort in order for me to meet that sort of man. Yet Ruth was a Moabite and came to a place with her mother-in-law, Naomi, to meet Boaz (Ruth 1:22 AMP). Boaz was the wealthiest man in the area. Ruth had nothing. Esther came with her Uncle to enter a pageant to see who was it that would be chosen to be the King's new queen. Esther wasn't a queen herself until she was chosen to be (Esther 2:7 AMP). The minister preaching said that the man he assumed I was interested in was a prince among men. Then he compared who he thought I was to what he thought this man to be. He had no right. He didn't know me. He was dealing with his own insecurities and using me as his scapegoat. God showed him otherwise though.

In the dating process, there will be all sorts of men that will say whatever they can to gain your interest. He might be the knight in shining armor or a wolf in sheep's clothing. It is up to you to have your artillery at the ready (Ephesians 6:11 AMP). You have to be prayed up. In everything you do acknowledge Him. When you wake thank Him for the day and pray for what you would like to happen in the day. It might be such a small thing but faith starts off small too. Once you make this a habit, watch and see how God will change the course of your life and put you in an environment that is rich with all you need to gain all you had hoped for - originally. Pray for those that put those negative thoughts in your mind (Luke 6:28 AMP). Remember the verse about the millstone? Pray.

Finally, there is a verse that perfectly describes what a husband is. Most pastors don't preach this message (well, none that I have heard in the 30 plus years that I have been attending church services) much. I believe it is because they would have to answer to it themselves. Nevertheless, it doesn't make it not true. He must love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave His life up for her (Ephesians 5:25 AMP). This is a powerful statement. It says so much in one sentence. Is there such a man that can do what Jesus did for the church? If he didn't have the ability, God would have never put the verse in scripture. He (as well as you) can do all things through Christ which strengthens you (Philippians 4:13 AMP).

Let's make it a visual: If you meet this wonderful man and he has a good career and has established himself in the company where he is but you were given a wonderful opportunity in another part of the country, would he leave his job and go where you need to be? Or would he expect for you to leave the opportunity that you have to stay where he is? Here's another visual: If a man you are engaged to gets an inheritance of 6 figures and is thinking it would be to his best interest to have you sign a pre-nuptial agreement, do you think he had this epiphany from God or from his own mind and are you in agreement with what he suggests? The last visual: If while the two of you were dating and both of you were working at places that you both enjoyed, when you got married he decides that he would like for you to be a stay at home wife. Something neither of you discussed while dating. If it is upsetting to you, should he still expect for you to be at home? Yet these things have happened in the lives of married couples. The woman believes it is her duty to compromise every single time for her to be the help that her role is, yet, the man has not compromised anything. He is the head of her and expects what he wants. She is to be submissive to him and to do as he wishes. There is no compromise, yet the woman compromised with her original aspirations to marry such the man. Inner turmoil begins in such a union and spawns into something else that is not favorable (James 1:20 AMP).

The Word says that he who can find a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22 AMP). He would then have to make a search. Unfortunately, this has been preached to look at the outward appearance. Being under a new dispensation in Christ, we have to look deeper into that verse to see that he would have to find the wife from within. Does she have a heart to be a wife? If he finds such a woman, then he obtains favor from the Lord. He would have to rely on God for that. In so doing, he has favor. He doesn't get the favor unless he can do those things. Therefore, it would be in your best interest to note what he is asking and what he expects. If he cannot give up anything for you, then he is telling you the love for you is not there. He loves himself more then you (2 Timothy 3 AMP). There is no settling in that believing he will change eventually when you marry him.

Here's another visual: Whatever a man considers to be a part of his livelihood is what he has become comfortable with. He planned  for it. He worked for it. He is content with it. If it is compromised, he will do whatever is necessary to maintain to keep it. Enters a woman he hopes to be his wife. Which is more important? Would he give up his livelihood for this woman? He will obtain favor from the Lord with her. Does he already have favor from the Lord? How could he without a wife? Does he wish to obtain favor from the Lord? Would he give up his livelihood for that favor?

These would be interesting date questions. It is actually what the Lord asked the rich young ruler (Matthew 19:16-26 AMP). Look what happened to him. What kind of husband do you think he would have made? Selah.

My Brother Is Suing Me?

There is this misconception that as a Christian we are not supposed to take one another to court. Misconception may not be the correct word to use here because the bible does state the procedure if there is a dispute among the believers (1 Corinthians 6:1-7 AMP). The process can be just as long as going through getting a complaint on the docket and having the other party served; nevertheless, it is different then what the world does and is pleasing in the sight of God to do good.

In using the word, misconception was after reading a textbook about divorce and marriage in the church. It was  difficult getting through the first five chapters thinking about how many divorces there are thus far in the church. With so many people not knowing what the correct thing to do in Christ, the alternative being what everyone on the bandwagon does and is socially acceptable.

Oh well, it just didn't work out but there is always divorce! 

It was tedious reading and a little disturbing to realize with the statistics being what they are, why hasn't this topic been discussed to exhaustion. Why are there so many sermons about getting more from God when what has been given has not been taken care of (Luke 12:48 KJV)? That isn't just the congregation but the spiritual leaders and  ministers  as well. They can't ask more from the congregation when they haven't done what God has told them to do. With God being a good Father, He would not have His children be without the information we need in order to have a full, complete and successful life. It seems there is enough punishment to go around for everyone.

Believers try their best to be pleasing to God. In so doing we tend to think this also means we must allow others to take advantage of us. This became a hot spot for me as I got up this morning and thought about my co-worker who happened to give me my check after opening it. She said, "sorry, I accidentally opened your check. It was a mistake." I was seething but took the check from her and said nothing about the matter. You see, everyone gets their check or a notice of their direct deposit in their mailbox located in the clerical office. She and I, because of having the same title, share a mailbox. If you know this, there is not mistake. I was here before her and never did I pick up my co-worker's check by mistake. You just don't do it, not even subconsciously because you are aware of someone else's personal property is there. Even with your own mail, one just doesn't open anything and everything. You scrutinize between the junk and the bills. A year or so later, the administrator did the same thing. Why wouldn't she notice the difference between her check and mine and why didn't she make that mistake with anyone else's check? She wrote on the envelope, "oops, sorry, I opened it by mistake" and then signed her name. She didn't even try to tape it back together. I still said nothing but could have taken a bite out of the back of the office chair I was so angry. The point of the matter is, I didn't do anything about it because the check wasn't a size that was worthy in making a big deal about. I also took it before God so I could still work with these people without gritting my teeth.

Would there be a difference if the check was constant and bigger?

There would be a slight difference. Would there be a difference if the perpetrators professed Christianity? And this is what the entire post is about. People tend to stray away when both parties are Christian because the whole foundation of love and being pleasing in the sight of God is paramount. Getting revenge belongs to the Lord and we are not to care about our material possessions; therefore, we have to go through so many different avenues to settle our discontent with being taken advantage of or just letting the matter go. It is what a family member told me to do when I was a freshman in college and working for a business in its fledgling stages of production. Granted, the owner used a number of his family members and also a few of us in the neighborhood which should have been my first clue but I was 18 at the time. My sister and I were elated to get a job so close to home but all of the adulation went South when weeks turned into months without pay. The owner at the end of every week had a speech about where the company was going and his goals in taking the entire staff on vacations. He puffed up the time we had with so many pipe dreams, the major complaint of payment was overlooked. I suppose he was surprised when he had to explain to the Better Business Bureau of his work practices and to the IRS for not filing the correct papers with having that many people as employees. Or maybe it was a shock to find that I got that process rolling and he received a summons to court.  I just couldn't let it go. It was so wrong of him to do with no remorse and no sign of rectifying the matter. I didn't know whether he was paying his family members with all of our hard work; I just knew my sister, my neighbor, and I had never received a check. My family member still maintained for me not to do anything and let God handle it even when I won my case. I didn't regret one moment of that process especially when he took all of his assets and put them in his only child's name. After I won my case, I did let the matter go. It was necessary for him to know that all of his hot air didn't detour me from doing what I knew was right and now he knew that I wasn't alone in thinking that way.

What about the Christian aspect of the matter? 

If Christians have a dispute, we know the Word would clear it up. If one party was not in agreement of the Word, then there would have to be another party who was knowledgeable in Christian principles (book knowledge as well as living it) to over see the topic and weigh in based upon the Word. If there was still a dispute, then the spiritual leaders are to handle the matter. The purpose for this procedure is to keep peace amongst the people for progression to continue in Christ. If the disputing party is still trying to cause discontentment, then he/she must leave the congregation (be excommunicated). He/she would be considered a sinner. This would mean that calling him/herself a Christian was only lip service. One must also walk in the spirit so not to fulfill the lust of the flesh (Galatians 5:16 AMP). Even if that practice wasn't something that had been studied for that individual as of yet, there is the practice of loving thy neighbor as thyself. If the so called Christian hadn't got to that lesson yet, there are always those 10 Commandments. Now with all three of those principles, we can see the levels of maturity in Christ. If none of these levels have ever been in practice especially as long as some of the people have been in church, then there is something wrong. The word tells us to know to do right and not to do it is a sin (James 4:17 AMP). If a person practices not doing right when he/she knows what right is - no matter how many times they call themselves a Christian, their acts say otherwise. He/she is a sinner and therefore is beholden to the same laws that the world goes by.

This is also true when there are those that go through a divorce. If both parties don't know what they have done, they should seek counseling in the church before attempting to file papers. It is no different in the case above. It is still paramount to do things that are pleasing to God. God hates divorce. God has called us all to peace (1 Corinthians 7:15 AMP). Is it a conundrum? 

I know of a case where the husband refused to get a job to support his wife and children. It was taken to the elders in the church over and over again. The pastor counseled the man and he still didn't do anything different. It was as if he snubbed the pastor's advice. Years passed and the tension in the household didn't subside. The wife was tired of going to the pastor and receiving no change. It had become an embarrassment for her and the family. The husband kept making references that if she was miserable, she should go and file for a divorce. He was very careful not to ask for a divorce himself just the suggestion of one. When matters didn't move as quickly as he would have liked, he made the living conditions so uncomfortable, that she contemplated the idea of leaving him.They separated. He started dating and was enjoying his single life. His family spoke to him about his behavior and suggested for him to go to the elders of the church to be reconciled with his wife. He hemmed and hawed but knew what the scriptures state about the matter. He made arrangements for him and his estranged wife to see the pastor. Nothing was resolved even after 4-5 sessions. Finally, after the pastor spoke to him privately, he was over wrought. He called his wife without gathering his thoughts and said, "If you don't want to get back together, I have to live my life. I need a wife. If  it isn't going to be you, it has to be someone. So what are you going to do?" She answered, "I don't know yet. What are you going to do?" He repeated himself. She didn't say anything. Frustrated that she didn't give him the answer he was looking for, he said, "You need to give me a divorce." She said, not knowing the Word as well as she should, "Why don't you get one yourself?" After that, the arguing started but she didn't have to keep listening to it and hung up the phone. 

You see, in this case, the man refused to care for his children. The Word tells us if a man doesn't support his children that he is worse then an infidel (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV). An infidel is a sinner. If his actions depict who he is, he has decided to be a sinner again no matter how he calls himself a Christian. Therefore, he is subject to the laws of the courts. He was taken to the elder of the church and spoken to over and over again. Because he refused to do anything better then he was doing, he disregarded the advice and actions within the church should have been taken. He knew what was right to do and decided not to do it. The Word tells us, this is a sin. His continued acts again makes him who he is - a sinner. Because the church did not take any other action for his disregard of advice, it would be a matter between the pastor and God; nevertheless, because he was not corrected, he thinks he can continue to do as he pleased in the church. Whether he knew it or not, he asked his wife for a divorce. She didn't know that was all she needed to be free and clear of him because it is written (1 Corinthians 7:15 AMP). The marriage continued, estranged as it was, for years even after the separation. His acts of infidelity continued even before a divorce was filed and granted.

It's as if there is this target on our backs for us to be the whipping post for all of those who desire to be bullies but have no one else to pick on but the Christian. Because we have some knowledge in Christ to be the peace givers and the light of the world, we try with every effort not to be argumentative and not to cause dissension anywhere. Jesus is the Prince of Peace. With Him being greater on the inside of each and every one that believes, how then can we disrupt the quiet? How can we be the cause of the storm when we are the ones to call, peace be still? Selah.

The answer is because we are the light of the world we have to stand against the wrong that is being done. If we have someone do wrong against us it is as if the person is doing wrong against the temple of God. You do remember when Jesus came upon those that tried to sell wares in the temple? He said that they had made the house of God a den of thieves (Mark 11:15-18 KJV). There is no communion with light and darkness. When light has been turned on, darkness is eradicated. With this understanding, do what is right. If there is a person who professes Christianity, then he/she will abide by what the church decides according to scripture. If not, then he/she does not believe and therefore, without admitting it, is a sinner. He/she can then be summoned to court, get a bill of divorce, and any other legal matter that is acceptable by the world's standards. It is not because you believe in such practices, it is because the respect and reverence of God is not honored and has been disregarded. Just like Jesus kicking over the tables in the temple, we have the same right to evict the wrong so it is right again. This is why there should be Christians in political office and in everything that would change policy and procedure for the greater good. We don't necessarily have to run for office, we just have to be an influencing factor for those that do. Amen?

Place Your Name In The Place of Charity

It was on a Sunday when  I attended the services that I had for more then 17 years in Michigan. Many things had changed because the father had given the ministry for his son to run. So the son put his own flavor on how things are to function and I could tell that there was a difference in the house, including the way he preached the Word. I agreed with many of the things he was preaching and would have had a better grasp on the topic if I had heard the first part of the message the week before. The week I attended, the sermon had to do with marriage. The week before, it was for the Christian single. He used many analogies and comical short stories to keep the sermon interesting but it never clouded from the verses in the bible that laid the foundation about what he was referring.

He had made mention of last week's message and how Paul taught the lesson that it was better not to marry; nevertheless, he highlighted that he, the pastor, believed God intended marriage to be for everyone. I continued to listen with all of the rules he had for marriage and the needs for the women were much different then the needs for the men. He had listed steps for a happy marriage. I think there were 10 of those. He listed 5 needs men had to have in order for them to be happy and the first need was sex. But before that he listed the 5 needs women had to have to be happy. I couldn't help but to notice in defining certain words that list of needs went from 5 to an easy 20. I wondered if that was Freudian. When he finished many of the congregants were quiet but nodded with what they had to do to change. I guess it was just what they needed to hear.

When services were over I thought about the message and came to the conclusion that with the first part of the sermon, being what Paul taught for the singles, this message was perfect. The pastor had to have said last week that if you marry based on those sexual needs and not the love Jesus had for the church, yeah, the list should be as long as the one he gave. Its almost burdensome to watch every little teenie-tiny thing you do for the other person to be happy, but then again, when marrying for sexual purposes are in effect, following Jesus does come second. When putting Him second, well, you get what you get (trouble defined).

The message began with him stating, "family comes first." Once he spoke those words, I looked around at the congregants to see if I recognized any of my friends. It had been a few years since I had been there. I saw some people I remember, but those I fellowshipped with had moved on. Like I mentioned, there was a difference, it was a new generation of followers. A younger sect and they were happy that they have a ministry to develop and make something of it. I smiled and knew that the Lord had me move on because it was time to do so. The pastor as well as those who nodded with all they needed to change will soon find that family is second. God is first. Trouble will always be at foot when the equation is out of order.

Thinking about all of those rules that he hoped the listeners would write down, I wondered why he didn't start the message off differently - even for the second half. Why didn't he reiterate that with God all things are possible and just when you don't think you can't make it one more day without sex, God is there to give you exactly what you need to make it? Why didn't he make mention of the love of God that should be practiced from the very beginning of any Christian walk and how that practice will secure you to dwell in the secret place of the most high. Why didn't he put some kind of emphasis that we are to be content in whatever state we are in and people can't get you there if you intend to be miserable (Philippians 4;11 AMP)? Why didn't he mention that those sexual necessities is a mind game that the enemy has with us all and if we don't defeat it, that trouble Paul spoke of will be there (James 4:7 AMP)? Why didn't he just give the listeners more options then what he did?

Finally, he closed the sermon with the definition of love. The intensity of those words that wedding vows, romantic lyrics, and love letters are based paled having all of those rules in place. He said, "where the word, charity is, place your name." He didn't even read the verses. He expected for the congregants to read them on their own. How was that supposed to happen? It was like another set of rules. Goodness! See for yourself:

If Bill read the definition of love he would say, "Bill never fails. Bill is not fault finding. Bill is not self seeking. Bill endures long and is patient and kind...." If Bill never practiced any of this before he got married, how will he ever be able to do this now? This frustrated me just to think about as a single person; I could only imagine what the married people thought especially if on the brink of divorce. Yet the congregants nodded and agreed. And I suppose that was good.

I guess I was looking for something more. It was time for me to move on instead of trying to hang onto a ministry that has moved on without me. The teaching wasn't there for me and those that replaced the members I knew seemed to be content. I thought about that last message I heard from the church I use to attend and knew with placing a person's name in the place of charity, faith would have to be in operation for us to be as God is. He said be holy for I am holy (1 Peter 1:16 KJV). God is good (Mark 10:18 KJV). God is love (1 John 4:8 KJV). God is the greater one on the inside of those that believe (1 John 4:4 KJV). Therefore, if we strive to be more like Him, then we can also never fail, not find fault, not be self seeking, endure long and is patient and kind, and so forth. Yet, without God being first in all that we do, feeling frustrated makes sense. Interesting, isn't it?

Divorce (part 1)

This was a difficult topic for me to write about; however,it wasn't when I heard about the statistics, nor was it when other family members used it to settle disputes. It didn't affect me as much as one would think when my parents went through it. The truth of the matter is it began to infiltrate in my life when I heard my now ex-husband threaten me with divorce because he was loosing an argument (James 1:20 AMP). An argument that came about less than two weeks into our marriage. For him to even allow those words to come from his mouth startled me, shut me up, and know it or not, it set the course for the direction of the relationship.

I am not placing blame. If most people were honest with themselves at a failed marriage they could see their part in its demise as well. What I am doing is showing those who are married, about to be married, and desires of which, that the men are the leaders of the household. If he never learned that the words of his mouth and meditation of his heart needs to be acceptable in the sight of the Lord (Psalms 19:14 KJV) then he will allow the enemy place (Ephesians 4:27 KJV) and he will show other areas of his life that lack of temperance (discipline).

If we have what we say (Mark 11:23 KJV) then whether it being good or bad one must live by the fruit of his lips. The harvest then being what it is.

Nice People Aren't Always Marrying Material

I wrote an answer to a blog on Facebook. It was directed towards men as to why they would gravitate towards a woman who is better looking as opposed to someone who could possibly make them a better wife. She was essentially asking if men are as shallow as all of that. She was inadvertenly sounding insecure about her own looks. Be as it may, the men answered as honestly as they could trying to maintain a decorum of righteousness. Like it or not, men will gravitate to whomever is attractive to them. Yet there was still a response that caused me to change the way I was thinking before.

First, the way I thought about men coming to speak to a woman because of the way she looked was childish. Certainly after being trained in the Word he should know that it would be better that he stand from afar and watch how she reacts with other people and situations? However, these days one could be picked up by the police for suspicion of being a stalker; and that's never good unless that is what he is.

Second, I thought it was also opposing God's Word for men to be visual seeing that we walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7 AMP). I still think it best that because of his relationship with God that he is trusting Him to be guided to the woman he is equally yoked with.

Nevertheless, the response from a man about the blog stated that he would think the woman would be attractive and that she takes care of herself. He went further to state that if she didn't take care of herself how well would she take care of anything else. This, I believe was so profound and Word based. I don't know why it never came to mind before. We see women all of the time taking care of her children, the home, her husband, going to work, volunteer in church, schedule and manage family functions, take a breath on the weekend and do it all over again. Many times women will go without to make sure their children have. They will sacrifice having shoes or a new dress just to make the rent for the month or pay a bill. I have seen my own mother and I did it myself when preparing food. That when everyone else is fed, then the mother gets her meal - that is, if there is anything left. Many times women will eat late at night and as a result to having children, sometimes not being able to sleep because of a sick child or working late hours. This is an equation for weight gain. Is it because she didn't take care of herself or just don't have the time to do so?

I read a scripture about a woman tearing down her own house (Proverbs 14:1 AMP). I believed that it had to do with children being a blessing but instead of her viewing her children for what they could be, she resents them for what they have taken from her (i.e, a new relationship, able to move in a better apartment, consuming household income, the width of her waistline, etc.). Making this known to her children doesn't help them but hinders them. What are they supposed to do about it? They are learning from the parent - resentful or not. With the answer from the young man to the blog, I now see the scripture a little differently. Can a woman tear down her own home if she doesn't take care of herself? Who will raise her children if she becomes ill? And if someone if found to raise them, will this new person love her children like the mother did?

I have a manuscript, in it I wrote a chapter about women sacrificing everything for the sake of the family. As noble and nurturing as that may seem, I don't believe it is what God intended. He is a God of more than enough and has provided for all. She shouldn't have to sacrifice anything for her children but have just as much for herself. I believe God has done what he said - it is the mindset of people that have to change.

Consider it, it has become a sterotype for the wife to have a headache when her husband feels romantic. If she didn't do it all and sacrificing for her family to have it all, would she have a headache when it comes time for romance? If men realize that she is only to help him and not carry the load, could she be the woman he thought he married?

You Can Do All Things?

As a young believer in Chirst I listened to many seasoned fellow Christians thinking they had my best interest to heart. I had got myself in all sorts of trouble listening to these so called believers in the things of God instead of reading the Word for myself.

Now as one who has been following Christ instead of every "narry-do-weller," I have a better understanding and my life is consistent with what the Word says will happen as long as I adhere to it. This is true for all who continue to walk by faith and not by sight. The faith is through Christ.

The operative phrase is "through Christ." This operation is also true with the scripture, "I can do all things..." For what reason does one believe all means anything? That would be insane! Just because all is defined in the message given by the speaker, doesn't make it so that you can do whatsoever comes across your mind and still be called a true believer in Christ. You can't, you can't, you just can't - so stop believing the lie!

To make this more credible to you, I will show how that verse has been manipulated to do mischief and, as my mother use to call it, devilment. A major peeve I have is in the five-fold ministry. How can you teach, preach, and counsel believers to do one thing according to the scriptures and then that very speaker, teacher, preacher, counselor does otherwise? How is that possible and still maintain credibility in what you do, say, and how you appear to others? If that is following Christ, then sinners can make it to heaven without believing too, right? But if that's true, heaven would be a mess with all kinds of chaos and confusion. Yet seeing that God's throne is in heaven and He is not the author of confusion, having what He created decent and in order, that would then put a gliche in all sinners will be in heaven without believing. The proof of hypocracy is in the life of the minister, preacher, teacher, prophet, and/or evangelist. The anointing coming from Christ tends to all matters of a believer's life. When a hypocrit looks good by appearance there is some other aspect that isn't all good. Why? Because hypocracy is giving place to the devil who comes to steal, kill, and destroy. When your favorite teacher, preacher, evangelist, pastor, and/or prophet becomes ill, loses his ministry, the church gets robbed, finances are gone, the family has issues, or so forth and so on, the answer is he gave place to the enemy who is doing his job. This is one example as to what you cannot do (say one thing and do another - hypocrit) thinking that it is through Christ.

Another would be the ways of the world being incorporated in the church. I could go on and on with the ways of the world and you should know as a believer that those ways can lead to destruction. The ways of the world cannot be through Christ. For it is written, broad is the way to destruction and the ways of the world are broad. The world has changed many principles that came from the scriptures. Is it archaic for women to wait to be proposed to? When a woman proposes, isn't she essentially saying, "I need your help" rather than the other way around? Is she proposing through Christ too? How happy is that Christian marriage? Will the husband rise to the occasion of being the head of the household or does he cower in the face of adversity and looks to her to take control? Is that what's suppose to happen? I guess it would for those men who prefer that and the women raised to be in control yet, where does the reverencing of her husband fit when it is required of her through Christ? How does she honor her husband being the head of him? When that man grows up because he no longer needs a surrogate Mommy, the aggravation in the marriage may be defined as irreconciable differences or falling out of love but actually it will be him realizing that he doesn't need that woman who proposed to him. He no longer needs that kind of help - Mommy help.

At the same time, the controlling man that realizes his help is with his wife takes those controlling matters too far. He isn't secure with who he is in Christ so he believes his wife is property with which he can do as he pleases including terrorizing her into submission. This terrorizing can be through emotional, physical, or sexual abuse and he keeps her by quoting scripture believing it is through Christ.

Doesn't through Christ mean just what Christ has done? Doesn't it mean following in His footsteps? How is he loving his wife as Christ loves the church and abusing her into submission at the same time? How is abuse and love synonymous? Should Jesus treat this man in the same manner as his beliefs with his wife? That would be seed sown and God cannot be mocked.

What I am trying to show you is the Word cannot be twisted. It is written to keep you out of trouble. Jesus came to set the captives free. The captives are those lost in sin. He came. We have been set free and as He told the woman at the well, go and sin no more.

Marriage and Divorce in the Body of Christ

I have seen the statistics that have been documented as to how many divorces there have been in the world and what percentages is actually in the church. No matter the number, isn't it astounding? Are those numbers real? Is divorce higher in the church than it is in the world? Should we automatically believe what has been documented?

Actually, I was believing it and my first reaction is, why should any of us get married if divorce is inevitable? But then we must use the intelligence we were given. Wouldn't that be a distraction not to do what we know to do that is right? Isn't that what the world is suppose to do so they could point the finger at the Christian for not adhering to the Word? No matter what seems to be the fad, the church cannot go along with everyone that is riding on the bandwagon. The Word says that the road is broad that leads to destruction (Matthew 7:13 AMP). We are to stay on the path of righteousness where there is peace an no oppression.

With that understood, I have a question to pose. God told us to let our yay be yay and our nay to be nay (Matthew 5:37 AMP). He warned us about pledges and vows. For this reason many Christians have opted not to serve on jury duty. My question then is, where did the marital vows come from and why aren't they in the scriptures? When God told us about vows and pledges He didn't make the stipulation for marriage only. So I ask, should Christian weddings be different from the world or are people so untrustworthy that we must make pledges to maintain the strength of the marriage? Oh, but according to statistics, isn't there a problem anyway?