I was having a frustrating season. It seemed what I was praying for just wasn't happening. The answer I received when attending services, the pastor would preach, "the seeds you sow could be a redwood tree. You know that takes some time and could be a harvest for next generations." That did not comfort me but only added to the frustration.
As much as the bible has about not envying anyone else and build treasure in heaven, it just seemed as if God forgot about me. We know not to be selfish and as hard as we might try in prayer, volunteering, giving - there's just one little thing that keeps tryting to get a voice - what about me? Who is going to volunteer time to me? Who is going to bless me with a holy handshake? Who is praying for me? And while those questions try to get a voice, do you refrain from adding explicatives into those questions (just wondering)? God saw my heart.
A minister was teaching on prayer and added, "you know, you can pray for yourself?" realizing I hadn't been doing this, I let the flood gates go; while praying I also voiced the frustration of waiting so long and allowed it into my asking. The bottom line, while reminding God of His Word, knowing it can not return to Him void of power, I asked, "what happened to my suddenly?" I kept reading about them in scripture. Jesus said this and then suddenly or immediately, or instantly. Well, what happened to mine?
Showing posts with label suddenly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suddenly. Show all posts
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Suddenly ! (part 2)
Being a domestic violence counselor of a fairly large sized Social Service Company, I was content - even enjoyed my job by giving advice, providing resources, and essentially helping people in whatever that was needed.
One afternoon the company called a staff meeting. The director announced the events to come and made everyone aware of the budget restraints but affirmed that no one would be losing their jobs due to the econmy. "The recession wasn't going to touch us," she made us believe and we reciprocated with applause. Earlier, I had received an accomodation for my work and the trainers from the city's capital came to the company to tell the director about how impressed they were of me. I was elated; and then it happened.
My suddenly was a phone call from a disgruntled client who was trying to milk the system. She got a "no" from me so she went to the director. I wasn't afraid but SUDDENLY I was terminated. What?!! The director seemed to scramble for the words. It still doesn't make sense even after the accomadation, her affirmation, the trainers? What else could I do but look for another job?
It rained one day. I was driving through an under pass where the water collected. A woman and her 3 children were stalled. I slowed down and waited for her. Looking in my rearview mirror I saw a pick up truck behind me that didn't seem to be slowing down. Then SUDDENLY, BAM! His bumper moved my trunk closer to me.
Shortly after recuperating from the accident, I was driving home when SUDDENLY I felt the car shaking. Pulling it to the side, I got out and saw the tire was completely flat - like blow out flat. I walked to my mother's home which wasn't far. I called another relative for assistance. When I got home the relative called asking where was my car? I gave specific directions. I was driven to where I parked the car and there was no car there. I had no car?
Walking and taking public transportation seemed to be test of my endurance. SUDDENLY pain like I never experienced before made itself known. I needed transportation. I needed a job; without either, it was seemingly bleak. On my way home with gritted teeth, I tried to be optimistic, unlocking the front door my children greeted me in the dark! The lights were out - not so suddenly. The other utilities were also following suit.
One afternoon the company called a staff meeting. The director announced the events to come and made everyone aware of the budget restraints but affirmed that no one would be losing their jobs due to the econmy. "The recession wasn't going to touch us," she made us believe and we reciprocated with applause. Earlier, I had received an accomodation for my work and the trainers from the city's capital came to the company to tell the director about how impressed they were of me. I was elated; and then it happened.
My suddenly was a phone call from a disgruntled client who was trying to milk the system. She got a "no" from me so she went to the director. I wasn't afraid but SUDDENLY I was terminated. What?!! The director seemed to scramble for the words. It still doesn't make sense even after the accomadation, her affirmation, the trainers? What else could I do but look for another job?
It rained one day. I was driving through an under pass where the water collected. A woman and her 3 children were stalled. I slowed down and waited for her. Looking in my rearview mirror I saw a pick up truck behind me that didn't seem to be slowing down. Then SUDDENLY, BAM! His bumper moved my trunk closer to me.
Shortly after recuperating from the accident, I was driving home when SUDDENLY I felt the car shaking. Pulling it to the side, I got out and saw the tire was completely flat - like blow out flat. I walked to my mother's home which wasn't far. I called another relative for assistance. When I got home the relative called asking where was my car? I gave specific directions. I was driven to where I parked the car and there was no car there. I had no car?
Walking and taking public transportation seemed to be test of my endurance. SUDDENLY pain like I never experienced before made itself known. I needed transportation. I needed a job; without either, it was seemingly bleak. On my way home with gritted teeth, I tried to be optimistic, unlocking the front door my children greeted me in the dark! The lights were out - not so suddenly. The other utilities were also following suit.
Suddenly! (part 3)
What could I do but get on my knees? This was a beating to me. What was I being chastised about - for asking? What was going on? This kind of stuff never happens to me. I had always been blessed. Granted, there are some things I would have liked, but for the most part, my life had been very happy. Then, SUDDENLY, while in church services, the pastor changes, the way he was teaching. It was as if attending Vacation Bible School for baby saints. He was catering only to them! Doesn't anyone else need spiritual food? What was going on? By this time I was wailing. The restraints were off. Anxiety and stress were tap dancing on temperance and I didn't care. If anyone told me to be patient, at that given moment, they were going to get the beat down of their lives! I don't believe my prayers were coherrent to anyone else, but God saw my heart.
I did get a job. It wasn't what I would normally do, but it is work. To do it well, I have to be still. I never knew how hard that was until I had to do it. In that time I learned that asking for a suddenly isn't bad. Asking for a suddenly at the appropriate time is better. It took 3 years for me to realize that I have grown up and my gifts are needed elsewhere. Provision flowed plentiful at one time, but when changes occur, your attention is being beckoned. I still have provision (God will always supply); however, abundance directs elsewhere. Know when its your time to move.
I did get a job. It wasn't what I would normally do, but it is work. To do it well, I have to be still. I never knew how hard that was until I had to do it. In that time I learned that asking for a suddenly isn't bad. Asking for a suddenly at the appropriate time is better. It took 3 years for me to realize that I have grown up and my gifts are needed elsewhere. Provision flowed plentiful at one time, but when changes occur, your attention is being beckoned. I still have provision (God will always supply); however, abundance directs elsewhere. Know when its your time to move.
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