What Is A Husband?

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post entitled, What Is A Wife? This would be the answer for what the women would like to know. There is balance in all things in Christ.

Most women have this image of what we would like for our husbands to be. If our biological fathers were wonderful in our childhood, the imagination doesn't have to go far. The only difference is along with that perfect personality it would be nice if only he doesn't wear his socks to bed, has washboard abs, a 6 figure income and enjoys it when his wife spends his money. I know, I know, then we have to grow up incorporate the Word and get real about the matter (Romans 12:2 AMP). Its the last part that many of us find difficult - the getting real part.

Getting real for some, especially if the wait is longer then anyone would have expected, is to settle and be flexible in not getting what we were hoping for. This isn't something I am guessing at but have seen, have done it myself, and have asked questions for the answers to be just what I wrote - settle. When making that decision to settle, it is because some other thought caused the original thinking process to change. The thought being that it is impossible to hope to gain such a person. It is the knight in shining armor, the gentleman that will not only be the ideal husband and father but will cause you to be the envy of all of the church ladies who married beneath them (Jeremiah 17:7 AMP). It is the not having to deal with flicked boogers, scratching himself in front of people, ear hair, belching, passing gas without  regard to whomever else is in the room, and so many other things men go through when they leave their 20's and 30's. I know, it isn't a pleasant thought; nevertheless, its better then being a spinster - right? Well, it is the end result in some of the thought processes with leaving the original hope that we can have all things too.

Why did you change from hoping for the best? Is it because of where you live? Is it because your environment is conducive of not creating men as described above? Is it because you don't feel you are worthy of better? Is it because you have been told it is better to marry then to be the age you are without a husband or children? Is the person you are with not someone who you are particularly attracted to? Have you already settled for Mr. Right Now? Is it too late to make the wrong right?

First, let's get some things straight about the original thought you had with the knight in shining armor or the wonderful characteristics you were hoping for. Remember when Jesus said that we should have the faith of a child (Matthew 18:2-4 AMP). It is because children only have innocent intent. Their thoughts are not bamboozled with negative words. Many times children have hopes that they keep to themselves because they would like to keep those hopes. Recall what happened to Joseph when he told his brothers what he had dreamt. His flesh and blood sought for his demise (Genesis 37:11-18 AMP)! Jesus also told the adults that it would be better for a millstone to be put around the neck of the person that offended the little ones and be thrown into the sea (Matthew 18:6 AMP). Why? Because the thoughts and faith of a child is what God has put in them. It is their vision, their hope of what they can have if they are diligent (Hebrews 11:6 AMP). Children know nothing of prejudice, hate, and malice unless taught by an adult. Keep your original hope alive and live it through all the way until the end no matter what has been told to you.

A minister assumed that I was interested in a particular man. I never said anything to him. Yet he took it upon himself to preach to me about who and what I am and if I am worthy of this man's interest. I wondered who did he think he was for telling me such things. He even got personal into what I looked like and if I could ever be worthy of this particular man's interest. I found the whole thing fascinating. Because I never spoke to this man or the minister in the first place, I never had to defend myself. I allowed God to be who He is (the Author and Finisher of my faith) and watched the show. Both individuals are no longer a part of the ministry where I was attending. That was God getting His revenge and it was so much sweeter then anything I could have ever done (Romans 12:19 AMP)!

I did learn from that experience. For the longest time I thought I had to be a certain sort in order for me to meet that sort of man. Yet Ruth was a Moabite and came to a place with her mother-in-law, Naomi, to meet Boaz (Ruth 1:22 AMP). Boaz was the wealthiest man in the area. Ruth had nothing. Esther came with her Uncle to enter a pageant to see who was it that would be chosen to be the King's new queen. Esther wasn't a queen herself until she was chosen to be (Esther 2:7 AMP). The minister preaching said that the man he assumed I was interested in was a prince among men. Then he compared who he thought I was to what he thought this man to be. He had no right. He didn't know me. He was dealing with his own insecurities and using me as his scapegoat. God showed him otherwise though.

In the dating process, there will be all sorts of men that will say whatever they can to gain your interest. He might be the knight in shining armor or a wolf in sheep's clothing. It is up to you to have your artillery at the ready (Ephesians 6:11 AMP). You have to be prayed up. In everything you do acknowledge Him. When you wake thank Him for the day and pray for what you would like to happen in the day. It might be such a small thing but faith starts off small too. Once you make this a habit, watch and see how God will change the course of your life and put you in an environment that is rich with all you need to gain all you had hoped for - originally. Pray for those that put those negative thoughts in your mind (Luke 6:28 AMP). Remember the verse about the millstone? Pray.

Finally, there is a verse that perfectly describes what a husband is. Most pastors don't preach this message (well, none that I have heard in the 30 plus years that I have been attending church services) much. I believe it is because they would have to answer to it themselves. Nevertheless, it doesn't make it not true. He must love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave His life up for her (Ephesians 5:25 AMP). This is a powerful statement. It says so much in one sentence. Is there such a man that can do what Jesus did for the church? If he didn't have the ability, God would have never put the verse in scripture. He (as well as you) can do all things through Christ which strengthens you (Philippians 4:13 AMP).

Let's make it a visual: If you meet this wonderful man and he has a good career and has established himself in the company where he is but you were given a wonderful opportunity in another part of the country, would he leave his job and go where you need to be? Or would he expect for you to leave the opportunity that you have to stay where he is? Here's another visual: If a man you are engaged to gets an inheritance of 6 figures and is thinking it would be to his best interest to have you sign a pre-nuptial agreement, do you think he had this epiphany from God or from his own mind and are you in agreement with what he suggests? The last visual: If while the two of you were dating and both of you were working at places that you both enjoyed, when you got married he decides that he would like for you to be a stay at home wife. Something neither of you discussed while dating. If it is upsetting to you, should he still expect for you to be at home? Yet these things have happened in the lives of married couples. The woman believes it is her duty to compromise every single time for her to be the help that her role is, yet, the man has not compromised anything. He is the head of her and expects what he wants. She is to be submissive to him and to do as he wishes. There is no compromise, yet the woman compromised with her original aspirations to marry such the man. Inner turmoil begins in such a union and spawns into something else that is not favorable (James 1:20 AMP).

The Word says that he who can find a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22 AMP). He would then have to make a search. Unfortunately, this has been preached to look at the outward appearance. Being under a new dispensation in Christ, we have to look deeper into that verse to see that he would have to find the wife from within. Does she have a heart to be a wife? If he finds such a woman, then he obtains favor from the Lord. He would have to rely on God for that. In so doing, he has favor. He doesn't get the favor unless he can do those things. Therefore, it would be in your best interest to note what he is asking and what he expects. If he cannot give up anything for you, then he is telling you the love for you is not there. He loves himself more then you (2 Timothy 3 AMP). There is no settling in that believing he will change eventually when you marry him.

Here's another visual: Whatever a man considers to be a part of his livelihood is what he has become comfortable with. He planned  for it. He worked for it. He is content with it. If it is compromised, he will do whatever is necessary to maintain to keep it. Enters a woman he hopes to be his wife. Which is more important? Would he give up his livelihood for this woman? He will obtain favor from the Lord with her. Does he already have favor from the Lord? How could he without a wife? Does he wish to obtain favor from the Lord? Would he give up his livelihood for that favor?

These would be interesting date questions. It is actually what the Lord asked the rich young ruler (Matthew 19:16-26 AMP). Look what happened to him. What kind of husband do you think he would have made? Selah.

Intentionally Deceiving

You know there are specific reasons why a person tells lies. In a nutshell, to deceive the one listening. There is no purpose in sugar-coating it and calling it a tiny white lie. Tiny or colossal, its intent is to deceive. Now knowing that God said for us to be thou holy for He is holy is a command to reiterate to be more like Him (1 Peter 1:16 KJV). We are already retaining a renewed mind, keeping our hearts guarded and Kingdom of God flourishes. Would a faith filled person lie? Could a God fearing man bear false witness? You would think the unanimous answer would be so simple. If there is a complete trust in God, bearing false witness would be as abhorrent as drinking sour milk. No one deliberately does it.

I was going to write this entry about why a person would lie, but we understand that already. Besides in the entry, A Dried Up Kingdom, I wrote about the history of lies and what happens to the listener of lies. Only, that entry didn't show what happens to the bearer of the false witness. According to the verses I supplied in that entry, it would seem Abram came out pretty well. Sure eventually he did only because God said he would; however, just like adhering to that small voice, you can miss the small statements that have been strategically placed.

I have worked with this co-worker that has had some physical ailments that might leave her with some memory loss (allowance for excuses), yet in conversing with other co-workers, she has said several things that haven't been true. I got fed up with it and began calling her on it just to see if she was going to act as if she has memory loss. She couldn't stick with her story. She was all over the map trying to gather some truth to what she had done. The last straw was involving others in her lie. I immediately asked those others. Again I confronted her. Once found out to be a liar, I told her privately, "if you ever lie to me again, I call you out in front of everyone." She was quiet. I suppose no one has ever said that to her before.

Another woman from a different company was talking to me. I noticed one of her co-workers (we will call her Jane) hadn't been around in quite awhile. I pulled a company photograph of Jane and asked the woman what happened to her thinking that Jane had been fired or transferred to another site. The woman I asked had this elaborate story about Jane finishing school and deciding to move to Florida with her children. She said that Jane had a house and a job already set for her. I believed this worker. There was no reason for me not to. One evening while working in a different building but the same position, who would I see come and greet me but Jane. I replied, "back already?" She asked, "back from where?" So I told her what was said to me. Jane said that she was needed on the 4th floor as a constant rather then roaming from one building to another. She continued to tell me that she has been here all along and has never been to Florida. I tried to make an excuse for the other woman who gave me the information stating well, she must have made a mistake. Jane replied, "mistake how? She sees me everyday!" Why would anyone do that? What amusement would she have in telling me these elaborate lies? Who does it benefit?

I didn't say anything about the matter to the woman; however I did notice within days, she was the one that was MIA. She returned a month later stating that she had been taken to the hospital. She couldn't understand how all of a sudden she got so sick. She had gout, emphysema, bronchitis, pneumonia, and was on all sorts of antibiotics and steroids. I just listened to her. It wasn't until I started writing this entry did I recall the verse that is apropos here. God is not mocked, whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap (Galatians 6:7 KJV).

Abraham is a blessed man of God. It was only while he was Abram did he have a dark horror that came over him causing him to shutter with a great terror (Genesis 15:12 AMP). Where did this fear come from? Could it have been the lies he told to cover himself from what he thought would hurt him? Could it have been all of the deception he did while he was with his family? Isn't it interesting that God would have him move from his kinfolk in order for him to be who he became as one of the giants of faith in scriptures? Would Abraham met his full potential staying with a family who made it a habit to be deceitful?

What about you? I have to check my heart on a constant to see is something there that shouldn't be. I know God will test my heart from time to time (1 Thessalonians 2:4 AMP). Whether it be on the road where I was cut off from a lane or faced with someone being belligerent when the situation doesn't warrant it. Many times I have let matters go allowing to choose my battles; other times, I will meet the opposition head on and win. Yet, when it comes to being deceitful, no matter if it means that I will not be looked well upon - I have to keep my trust in God. I have more to fear with Him then what any man can do. This is the conclusion I came away with after reading  what happened to King Abimelech when he welcomed Abram and his lies into his palace (his kingdom).

We have a Kingdom too (Matthew 6:33 KJV). It is the one sought in obtaining peace, joy, and righteousness (Romans 14:17 KJV). Personally, once I have found a liar in the midst, I can and have been angry. Whether the liar realizes it or not, he/she is extracting from the kingdom...that is, if you are willing to believe what the person is saying without acknowledging the one that sees the hearts of all men. Because the liar doesn't know why you are angry, it would be to your benefit as well as the soul of the liar, if you maintain your kingdom by speaking the Word at every chance. Incorporate the Word in your everyday language. Understand, speaking Elizabethan English isn't what I am referring to and it isn't necessary to quote where the scripture is found; however, seeing that the Word is life, it will cause discomfort in the liar. I have done it. Liars shouldn't be comfortable around you. The Word is life. Use it!

Bless Them

We know the scripture to bless those that despite fully use you (Matthew 5:44 KJV). Now do we know who those are or do we do a panacea and just bless everyone because its just something that Jesus would do? Sure, babies can get away with stuff like that but when you start really getting into the Word there are reasons why specifics are made. I believe one of those reasons is because people will take an interpretation of the bible to the extreme and no one will challenge it - which means error can be created. Another reason is doing away with tradition. When we get into a habit of doing what we believe is the right way and find that we could have done things differently, there are those that refuse to make the necessary changes because it is too difficult. But the Word sets the captives free and those who have been set free are free indeed.

There are  specifics in blessing people in the way God puts in our hearts because He knows what people need at that specific time. To wait and give when we think is best not only takes away the fullness of the blessing from the people but it also takes from the blessing we have in the giving. God says that He loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7 NIV). This verse is used over and over again when  the offering plate is going around the congregation but this verse wasn't just meant when giving our tithes and offering. It is also meant for our everyday lives. If we contemplate on the giving, it is not cheerful. When we find excuses for not giving right away, it is not being cheerful. I recall the testimony of a pastor who was sitting next to his friend, also a pastor. There was a hush over the congregation while the Lord spoke to the hearts of all attended about what they are to give as an offering. Both of the pastors had been blessed well in their lives and when it came time for them to give, the Lord spoke to each of them clearly as to how much. The Lord told the first pastor to give one million dollars. The Lord told the other pastor the same amount. Neither moved right away even when all of the other congregants were getting their envelopes ready. Then one looked at the other and asked, "how much did the Lord tell you to give?" He answered, "a million dollars. How much did He tell you to give?" He answered back, "the same thing." Then they both said at the same time reaching into their pockets, "I guess we both better give a million dollars then." When he told this testimony, he said it in a different matter and completely in a different context then this. When he told this testimony, everybody who heard laughed - including me. Yet, how quickly did their blessing return to them (Luke 6:38 NIV)? Was God pleased with their apprehension (James 1:6-7 AMP)?

As we grow up into the body of Christ and be where we can do the most good, our lives tend to have the peace and joy that Kingdom Living is destined to be for each and everyone that believes. It is easier for us to be more inclined to have it to bless others. Yet when we are in the process of getting to that place of opportunity, storms come, the pressure is on, and financial abundance is taking that faith ride, at the ready to release the mother lode. Its still not an excuse to with hold that which has been given to you (Luke 12:48 KJV). How else are you going to learn to trust in God? How else are you going to be blessed?

Now I think the biggest blessings come when you have to chomp down into that horrid dry tasting humble pie. Know that it only tastes like that because you aren't use to it. Yes, it is an acquired taste and is delicious along with all of the rest of the courses of the prepared table the Lord has set for us (Psalm 23:5 KJV). You know what pie I am referring to. The one where God tells you to bless the very person that talked behind  your back when in high school or that guy that flirted with your girlfriend, or the jerk that sold you that crap piece of a lemon and refuses to do anything about it. Those people really need a good swift kick in the butt, its just that you aren't the one to do it. You are the one whose heart is being tested (Proverbs 17:3 AMP) and the mere fact that the idea of anyone of those people getting in any hurt, harm, or danger causes you to have a smile on your face means the blessing you are about to give is going to hurt you more then any harm you could imagine for them. See how that pie tastes - ew, right?

You see as many reasons we have to do what we think is good to do, God shows us the best way. For whatever the reason as to why we might not initially agree to it, its still better because He sees all. If you find that being obedient to His will is a hardship to you, ask yourself this question, that which you are feeling that keeps you from giving cheerfully, is it love for the person or yourself? Jesus told  the Pharisees to love God with all of your heart, with all of your mind, and with all of your strength and love you neighbor as yourself is the greatest commandment of the law (Matthew 22:34-40 KJV). Everything else comes when we do these two things. So what's the problem? Is it you?