What Is A Wife?

A question seemingly to be obvious but the truth of the matter is, most women enter the institution of marriage with a blind fold on hoping to feel for the target as she goes along (Psalm 119:105 KJV). In the past few decades, however, women might think that which is apparent, we have been missing it. Well, that's what divorce is. It is apparent to one what to do and the other is not in agreement. The lack of agreement over a given period of time is failure to maintain the one-ness that marriage is; which is the definition of divorce. It takes two to be married - so, it can't be the fault of one without the other. Right?

Coming to this conclusion, too many women have agreed to do some things different after processing other failed relationships in their minds. However, they don't realize that it sells themselves short of the treasure that women really are. Some women have agreed in many circumstances just to live together without some superficial paper stating what the two (the man and woman) have claimed to be in their own minds - married. This way, if it doesn't work out, each can go their separate ways without all of the red tape, lawyers and money involved (Galatians 6:7 AMP). Both have learned a lesson and the next time won't make those same mistakes. It works out perfectly and no one gets hurt. Right?

Here's the funny thing though, if it is just a superficial piece of paper why does it mean so much when the process begins? When celebrities that have lived together for years in harmony (supposedly) and then get married, why does that superficial piece of paper the reason for the demise of their union? Why is it that the difference between making those vows (promises) to do what the minister, clergy, or officiant, tells the two to repeat causes some to stutter, cry, or even pause at what is being said. If its so superficial, why get cold feet after all of the money has been spent, invitations have been sent, and the tailoring of all of the clothes have been done? Its the same person that you have been dating in front of the same people invited to come and celebrate with you just to get a simple supposedly superficial piece of paper (1 Corinthians 7:1-5 AMP). Right?

Yet, in all of that process of trying to figure what is and isn't superficial or what is good in the sight of God, no one has taken the time to find out what would be good for the two individuals getting hitched for the rest of their lives. No one has taken the time to see if that can be done and will it affect the Kingdom Life that was sought after all while the two were single. In some ministries, there is marital counseling and thank God for the insight there; nevertheless, before the two become one, there should be counseling individually for each to understand what is expected of the other.

We hope that the two are mature enough to figure this out for themselves, yet the truth of the matter can be read in black and white as the divorce rate is anything but zero. The answer is not for the two to live together in secret and hope that it will all work out, God is not mocked. The answer is not for the two to live with the parents of the other so the parents can figure it out for the son; and then, if that doesn't work, the parents can send her on her way but the son is saved and she will have to pick up the pieces with her own family. Gee, how loving!

When the two receive counseling individually, then let the next session be together as they come to realize some things. Did she wish to work outside of the home? Did she wish to have children? How many, if she does? Did she realize that she is supposed to be the help to her husband? What does this help mean to her?Did she know that he will be the head of her (Ephesians 5:23 KJV)? Did she know that she is to reverence him (1 Peter 3:2 AMP)? Does she know what reverence means? Does she know that he is to love her as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25 KJV)? Does she know what that means? Does she know that she is to be submissive to her husband (Ephesians 5:22 AMP)? Does she know that the verse above that one is that they are suppose to submit to each other (Ephesians 5:21 AMP)? Does she know that arguing isn't healthy in a marriage or any relationship (James 1:20 AMP)? These are the things that are baffling to many people, even those not seeking to be married. These are things that are necessary to be known to have Kingdom Living (Romans 14:17 KJV). Without Kingdom Living in place, marriage will not be the catalyst that will give it to the individual or the couple.

To answer the question, what is a wife, one would have to find out what Jesus expected from the church then make it applicable to the individual. This can be different to each of us because we are assigned different tasks in the body of Christ. Be as it may, she has to know what it is that God has spoken in her heart to do. This way when the right man comes and asks for her hand, he is going to treat her as it is written. She will recognize the greater one on the inside of him because He is the same on the inside of her. They are equal and joy, peace and righteousness can continue and are all the more stronger for it. Selah.

Got Trouble?

Whether I wrote about this particular incident in this blog or not, I don't recall; nevertheless, it is still apropos here. It took some doing to convince me to go to ministerial school, yet after much prayer I believe I was led to the school's office for the application. There were a few tunnels to burrow through and some hills to climb, but I suppose it was a part of the process if really interested in being a minister. After which, there was also an interview with a panel of clergy. This was not an issue but was appreciated understanding that the wheat needed to be separated from the tares (Matthew 13:24-30 KJV). It took some doing and after two tries (reason being, I wasn't as acquainted with the church's ministers as others and didn't think it was necessary to be), I was finally accepted.

During initiation into the school, there was a small skit that the secretaries to the ministers put on to let all of the new students realize that because we were doing as the Lord has led to do, we should now be ready for all sorts of trouble that was about to happen in our lives. The skit was entertaining and I don't think any of us believed that there was going to really be anything so different that we would not be able to handle as we have been doing with the obstacles that many of us face in our ordinary lives. We applauded their talented efforts and was ready to move on to see what was next.

There were a lot of rules. None of which carried a complaint. We all knew better not to do that. We all started to get used to the new routine that was added into our schedule and the classes proceeded according to plan. Then one of the students lost her job because of the downsizing that was occurring within the company she was working for. This same student a few weeks later discovered that her home was going into foreclosure. A young couple in the class was going through turmoil because the wife had fallen ill and was rushed to the hospital for surgery. It was reported to the class that the illness was serious. In the later weeks, I recall there was car trouble for some students, family issues with others, financial matters all around, and many, many requests for prayer.

Personally, out of nowhere I fought with insomnia. Well, maybe not out of nowhere... you see, from the time I saw that skit, crap started to creep around and I didn't pay attention to it. First, being a Director of a Learning Center, I felt secure with my position. My employer, the owner, expressed how pleased he was with my performance and how I have saved him hundreds of dollars. My administrative assistant whispered to me that this pleased employer was interviewing to replace me. I didn't believe her until I saw one of the interviewees. I asked my employer and he concurred with what the administrative assistant said. Meanwhile in the classes, my employees weren't getting along and one in particular had a complaint every time I saw her. If it wasn't in her own home it was the children she was hired to watch. When I decided to pack my personal belongings to leave knowing that brown nosing could have saved my position, I just couldn't do it. At home, my children were being accosted by bullies in the school. I had to come see to it. My daughter defended herself from a boy that slapped her and the teacher claimed she saw the whole thing. So why didn't she stop the boy from slapping my daughter? The teacher's gaping mouth not realizing that she told on herself was all I need to start an physical altercation - but didn't. My son was enjoying being kicked out of school for his comedic antics. The neighborhood children were plotting to attack my other son - just because. I was told, its what children do these days. My ex-husband began calling me 2-3 times a week to let me know that he could be a better parent and that I should sign over physical custody to him. Believing that my sons needed to have that male influence, I allowed for them to be in his custody. Within days, he started the process for child support and then increased it. I was in court so often, it is a wonder they didn't call me by my first name. The Lord blessed me with another job, but it was just enough to pay for tuition for ministerial school and gas money. The car I was using belonged to a family member that needed to be picked up at a certain time. Understanding that I also had to transport my children, using the car wasn't an issue until this family member was assigned to be moved within the company. Her schedule changed and therefore, mine had to also in order for me to keep using the car. I couldn't do it. She asked for her car back. I had to make sure my children could get where they needed to be, I had to be at work and still go to ministerial school. Did I mention the studying and I couldn't miss one sermon because it could be a topic of discussion in class?  Did I mention that my student loans went into default and the debt collector absconded with my payment? The car I was using got broken into by smashing in the window and my identification was stolen. Because of the theft, my savings was depleted from both accounts immediately after the break in. The teller that allowed the transaction was fired and the manager handling my case was fired as well. The new management finally got my balance out of the negative and was about to replace the funds when he was fired too. I began the investigation process all over again with headquarters; believing I was getting through to completion until the head of investigation would no longer take my calls. I think I hadn't slept in about 5-6 days. I forgot how long I stayed on a fast believing that what was happening was because of something I had not done in Christ. No one really noticed that I lost about 4 dress sizes within a few weeks, that my hair was falling out, and at night when the television was off, it seemed like my reflection was coming through the screen. I called  the church for prayer. The minister I spoke to asked if I was on drugs. I suppose I would have thought the same thing if I saw how erratic I was one day during early morning prayer. A few days before that, I had a test. I knew the scripture that was on the test. I recited it just before sitting in class, yet when it came time for me to put on paper, I handed it back to the teacher completely blank. I couldn't think of one word - not one. I understood why but still didn't like seeing that big red "F" on my paper.  That erratic behavior in early morning prayer got me kicked out of ministerial school and I resigned from my job that was affiliated with the church. I didn't fight my sister when she took me to the hospital for a psychological evaluation. She had no idea what I was going through and I would have done the same thing if it were her.

I don't recall anyone in class asking for prayer with that much trouble. I suppose crap like that was kept to themselves or they just moved and started a new life elsewhere. Would that I could have turned back the hands of time or even the thought of starting over anywhere else would have been so refreshing, yet it left a bad taste for me to run. Within days, I returned to church and dealt with the finger pointing and the mumbling behind my back. It took a couple of years to get things back to normal. In that time, I was telling a few congregants about that skit that was introduced to the new students at the initiation process of ministerial  school. One of my former classmates was sitting next to me and looking as if she was reading her bible,  interrupted me with a statement that caused those hands of time to be turned back. She said, "the trouble they said we were going to have, I didn't receive it." She went back to reading her bible. I couldn't finish what I was saying. I don't even remember what the message was that day, whether I praised and worshiped as I would normally have, or how I got back home. She didn't receive it?!! We can do that?!!

Friendship

After an intense conversation with a woman my son was dating exclusively, he text to ask me ,what is the point of friends? Initially, I chuckled to myself thinking how even those that are supposedly close to you can take you to a place that God would not consider righteous. Its where questions of common sense are and parents with their hair pulled out wondering where did he/she go wrong? Its the place where we left profanity and feeling anxious. Its where you don't wish to be and yet parenting can tempt us to get there rather quickly.The time it takes to calm down and repent would also cause one to wonder why have that person as a friend if he/she has the ability to take you from kingdom status?

The Word tells us that iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17 AMP). This is an excellent verse in describing true friendship. While spending time with one another, you can't help but to get to know their likes and dislikes. You learn personality quirks and become more acquainted with the traits that drew you both together causing you to remain friends; however in so doing there will also be those times where subjects discussed might have a difference of opinion. If the Word is used one of the two things can happen.
1. The Word is the truth and made to set us free (John 8:32 KJV). So the debate becomes nullified. The Word corrects that which is wrong; therefore, the opposing verbage is extinguished and true friendship resumes both having an understanding of the verse.

2. This is the iron sharpening iron part. The Word being analyzed and a sword, as believers, we all have one. Except when we have allowed the enemy to enter into one aspect of our lives (Ephesians 4:27 KJV). He will try to devour other things. If we don't quickly recognize where entrance took place and repent reminding God of His Word in our confessions/prayers, God will still cause our true friendship to hear what we don't. That would be a sign of the enemy at work and the dulling of our spiritual senses (Hebrews 5:11-12 AMP). It is the peace that extinguishes those fiery darts and Kingdom Living replaced where it belongs.

If the debate continues the Word can still be used. This is also a means of God telling you this person is not a real friend. If he/she opposes the Word even after it being made clear, then he/she will also oppose you when you need this person the most (Psalms 1:1 AMP).

Some Christians like to keep these truths hidden because they believe it is their own weaponry against the enemy. Problem with that is, how then would the rest of us Christians grow up? It is our duty to tell the babies and the children what to look for. We all must be alert in keeping the paths of righteousness plain (Proverbs 3:6 KJV), lest we stumble(Proverbs 3:19-22 AMP).


An elderly woman new to the community by which I am employed, asked if I could tell her age. She seemed to be in her 60's but was only too happy to correct me in stating the she is 82. I congratulated her for keeping herself fit. She continued to state that she has a friend of 45. The two of them get along so well. She was pleased to note that her friend takes her places and even paid to go to the salon to get her hair done. Yes, there was a second that I did think it odd for a woman my age to have so much in common with a woman of 82. As this woman continued to speak to me, I didn't think about the common trait of anyone being left alone for so long, would talk about any given subject matter if the one listening is interested or not, hence the reason for the supposed friendship. The next morning, early as it was, a medical alert went off that I had to tend to. In so doing, that same elderly woman was completely dressed and waiting in the lobby for her supposed girlfriend. After completing the medical alert task and paperwork, I was about to go back to my residence when that elderly woman tried to stop me by holding a conversation. Not only did she inform me that she was waiting for that close friend of hers but that she was going to be picked up by this close friend to babysit her children. "Have a good morning," I concluded the conversation with her and went into my apartment thinking what you are undoubtedly thinking yourselves. She is fooling herself!

How much would you withstand to continue a friendship that is only benefiting one? I separated myself from a 4 year friendship after realizing she seemed to be hanging on to receive the overflow of my blessing rather than being one herself. Isn't that what Lot did to Abraham? To a point one might overlook that because of mercy, grace, patience, and the like, but the never being able to live up to all of the criticism and not being perfect herself was a bit too much to tolerate especially if my personal Peace was being disrupted.

The Word tells us to have friends we must first be friendly (Proverbs 18:24 KJV). If friendships still aren't made then it is, again, one of two things:
1. You must be around a certain quality of people to be considered equally yoked to those God would have you call friends. As those who are young and very liberal enough to profess that we can be friends with anyone, I say be realistic. You know you wouldn't have just anybody come into your house because their mind set is not the same as yours. It is the reason your parents moved as the neighborhood changed. If you remain in an environment where people just don't care, then either you will become like them or rebel not knowing why until much later in years. Your parents desired better for you. While others who could not afford to move tried to instill in their children to behave differently even when their children saw something else everyday. To instill better values for that family would be difficult. This is why we choose friends that are better suited for the purposes we have in life and consequently can understand where we are headed. They would more than likely be supportive rather than a burden.

2. The other is that God is telling you to be content in whatever state that you are in (Philippians 4:11 AMP). If you don't have friends right now, count it all joy for you have a friend who is closer to you then any brother (Proverbs 18:24 NIV). He will never leave you alone.