What Is A Wife?

A question seemingly to be obvious but the truth of the matter is, most women enter the institution of marriage with a blind fold on hoping to feel for the target as she goes along (Psalm 119:105 KJV). In the past few decades, however, women might think that which is apparent, we have been missing it. Well, that's what divorce is. It is apparent to one what to do and the other is not in agreement. The lack of agreement over a given period of time is failure to maintain the one-ness that marriage is; which is the definition of divorce. It takes two to be married - so, it can't be the fault of one without the other. Right?

Coming to this conclusion, too many women have agreed to do some things different after processing other failed relationships in their minds. However, they don't realize that it sells themselves short of the treasure that women really are. Some women have agreed in many circumstances just to live together without some superficial paper stating what the two (the man and woman) have claimed to be in their own minds - married. This way, if it doesn't work out, each can go their separate ways without all of the red tape, lawyers and money involved (Galatians 6:7 AMP). Both have learned a lesson and the next time won't make those same mistakes. It works out perfectly and no one gets hurt. Right?

Here's the funny thing though, if it is just a superficial piece of paper why does it mean so much when the process begins? When celebrities that have lived together for years in harmony (supposedly) and then get married, why does that superficial piece of paper the reason for the demise of their union? Why is it that the difference between making those vows (promises) to do what the minister, clergy, or officiant, tells the two to repeat causes some to stutter, cry, or even pause at what is being said. If its so superficial, why get cold feet after all of the money has been spent, invitations have been sent, and the tailoring of all of the clothes have been done? Its the same person that you have been dating in front of the same people invited to come and celebrate with you just to get a simple supposedly superficial piece of paper (1 Corinthians 7:1-5 AMP). Right?

Yet, in all of that process of trying to figure what is and isn't superficial or what is good in the sight of God, no one has taken the time to find out what would be good for the two individuals getting hitched for the rest of their lives. No one has taken the time to see if that can be done and will it affect the Kingdom Life that was sought after all while the two were single. In some ministries, there is marital counseling and thank God for the insight there; nevertheless, before the two become one, there should be counseling individually for each to understand what is expected of the other.

We hope that the two are mature enough to figure this out for themselves, yet the truth of the matter can be read in black and white as the divorce rate is anything but zero. The answer is not for the two to live together in secret and hope that it will all work out, God is not mocked. The answer is not for the two to live with the parents of the other so the parents can figure it out for the son; and then, if that doesn't work, the parents can send her on her way but the son is saved and she will have to pick up the pieces with her own family. Gee, how loving!

When the two receive counseling individually, then let the next session be together as they come to realize some things. Did she wish to work outside of the home? Did she wish to have children? How many, if she does? Did she realize that she is supposed to be the help to her husband? What does this help mean to her?Did she know that he will be the head of her (Ephesians 5:23 KJV)? Did she know that she is to reverence him (1 Peter 3:2 AMP)? Does she know what reverence means? Does she know that he is to love her as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25 KJV)? Does she know what that means? Does she know that she is to be submissive to her husband (Ephesians 5:22 AMP)? Does she know that the verse above that one is that they are suppose to submit to each other (Ephesians 5:21 AMP)? Does she know that arguing isn't healthy in a marriage or any relationship (James 1:20 AMP)? These are the things that are baffling to many people, even those not seeking to be married. These are things that are necessary to be known to have Kingdom Living (Romans 14:17 KJV). Without Kingdom Living in place, marriage will not be the catalyst that will give it to the individual or the couple.

To answer the question, what is a wife, one would have to find out what Jesus expected from the church then make it applicable to the individual. This can be different to each of us because we are assigned different tasks in the body of Christ. Be as it may, she has to know what it is that God has spoken in her heart to do. This way when the right man comes and asks for her hand, he is going to treat her as it is written. She will recognize the greater one on the inside of him because He is the same on the inside of her. They are equal and joy, peace and righteousness can continue and are all the more stronger for it. Selah.

Place Your Name In The Place of Charity

It was on a Sunday when  I attended the services that I had for more then 17 years in Michigan. Many things had changed because the father had given the ministry for his son to run. So the son put his own flavor on how things are to function and I could tell that there was a difference in the house, including the way he preached the Word. I agreed with many of the things he was preaching and would have had a better grasp on the topic if I had heard the first part of the message the week before. The week I attended, the sermon had to do with marriage. The week before, it was for the Christian single. He used many analogies and comical short stories to keep the sermon interesting but it never clouded from the verses in the bible that laid the foundation about what he was referring.

He had made mention of last week's message and how Paul taught the lesson that it was better not to marry; nevertheless, he highlighted that he, the pastor, believed God intended marriage to be for everyone. I continued to listen with all of the rules he had for marriage and the needs for the women were much different then the needs for the men. He had listed steps for a happy marriage. I think there were 10 of those. He listed 5 needs men had to have in order for them to be happy and the first need was sex. But before that he listed the 5 needs women had to have to be happy. I couldn't help but to notice in defining certain words that list of needs went from 5 to an easy 20. I wondered if that was Freudian. When he finished many of the congregants were quiet but nodded with what they had to do to change. I guess it was just what they needed to hear.

When services were over I thought about the message and came to the conclusion that with the first part of the sermon, being what Paul taught for the singles, this message was perfect. The pastor had to have said last week that if you marry based on those sexual needs and not the love Jesus had for the church, yeah, the list should be as long as the one he gave. Its almost burdensome to watch every little teenie-tiny thing you do for the other person to be happy, but then again, when marrying for sexual purposes are in effect, following Jesus does come second. When putting Him second, well, you get what you get (trouble defined).

The message began with him stating, "family comes first." Once he spoke those words, I looked around at the congregants to see if I recognized any of my friends. It had been a few years since I had been there. I saw some people I remember, but those I fellowshipped with had moved on. Like I mentioned, there was a difference, it was a new generation of followers. A younger sect and they were happy that they have a ministry to develop and make something of it. I smiled and knew that the Lord had me move on because it was time to do so. The pastor as well as those who nodded with all they needed to change will soon find that family is second. God is first. Trouble will always be at foot when the equation is out of order.

Thinking about all of those rules that he hoped the listeners would write down, I wondered why he didn't start the message off differently - even for the second half. Why didn't he reiterate that with God all things are possible and just when you don't think you can't make it one more day without sex, God is there to give you exactly what you need to make it? Why didn't he make mention of the love of God that should be practiced from the very beginning of any Christian walk and how that practice will secure you to dwell in the secret place of the most high. Why didn't he put some kind of emphasis that we are to be content in whatever state we are in and people can't get you there if you intend to be miserable (Philippians 4;11 AMP)? Why didn't he mention that those sexual necessities is a mind game that the enemy has with us all and if we don't defeat it, that trouble Paul spoke of will be there (James 4:7 AMP)? Why didn't he just give the listeners more options then what he did?

Finally, he closed the sermon with the definition of love. The intensity of those words that wedding vows, romantic lyrics, and love letters are based paled having all of those rules in place. He said, "where the word, charity is, place your name." He didn't even read the verses. He expected for the congregants to read them on their own. How was that supposed to happen? It was like another set of rules. Goodness! See for yourself:

If Bill read the definition of love he would say, "Bill never fails. Bill is not fault finding. Bill is not self seeking. Bill endures long and is patient and kind...." If Bill never practiced any of this before he got married, how will he ever be able to do this now? This frustrated me just to think about as a single person; I could only imagine what the married people thought especially if on the brink of divorce. Yet the congregants nodded and agreed. And I suppose that was good.

I guess I was looking for something more. It was time for me to move on instead of trying to hang onto a ministry that has moved on without me. The teaching wasn't there for me and those that replaced the members I knew seemed to be content. I thought about that last message I heard from the church I use to attend and knew with placing a person's name in the place of charity, faith would have to be in operation for us to be as God is. He said be holy for I am holy (1 Peter 1:16 KJV). God is good (Mark 10:18 KJV). God is love (1 John 4:8 KJV). God is the greater one on the inside of those that believe (1 John 4:4 KJV). Therefore, if we strive to be more like Him, then we can also never fail, not find fault, not be self seeking, endure long and is patient and kind, and so forth. Yet, without God being first in all that we do, feeling frustrated makes sense. Interesting, isn't it?