Who Signs Up For This?

I write a separate blog for Christian singles for purposes of teaching messages that aren't readily heard over the pulpit. It is to tell the younger generation a couple of things that aren't usually thought of or expected. I have tried to understand why the older generation keeps such crucial information to themselves when we all hope that the next generation has much more success then the previous one - or at least, we are supposed to be thinking this way (Titus 2:3-5 AMP). Is it more amusing to see such young people crash and burn then to see them at peace with all that they have been blessed with? I try to understand why. The only answer I can come up with is - jealousy. If you have a better answer as to why you haven't taught anyone anything - I will make the retraction.

It has to be true in every believer's life, where we have looked around at all that we have been through and can still say that I am standing and still on fire for Christ. But then upon closer scrutiny, maintaining the stance doesn't seem like the victory that it was supposed to be (Romans 12:11 AMP). As you struggled through to get to the calling you know you are destined to do, sinners right and left are making what seems the abundance that is supposed to be yours (Colossians 3:5-6 AMP). While you drive the hoop-dee, Pimp Daddy laughs at you cruising in his Lexus. While your trying to put some pennies together to purchase laundry detergent, the neighbors who aren't thinking about God just came home with bags and bags of designer clothes and shoes. While you look at the spouse you married believing marital life was one thing but the rolls of fat or receding hair line is clearly telling you otherwise and a co-worker with a Cabala red string just came back from a European holiday with his live in girl friend. You just have to ask, what the bleepity-bleep-bleep is going on (Galatians 5:19-21 AMP)?

The subject matter for this entry has much to do with marital life. Its the look on the spouse's face after finding some disgusting habit that he/she never saw while dating. Its the expression of seeing the spouse as some sort of stranger. For some it happens within a few weeks, for others, it not only takes years but also seeing single life as the treasure once had and should have kept.

The institution of marriage is a wonderful thing (Hebrews 13:4 AMP). The sanctity of that union is something that all single people who believe Jesus is Lord aspire to obtain. The issue which draws me to write is the rush of getting that sanctity by any means necessary. When all of the fairy dust is cleared, the wedding favors have been taken or tossed, the bridal gown is put away once and for all, and the attention is resumed on the factors of life - promises vowed are expected to be upheld. That expectation is stressful to those immature not quite ready for absolute monogamy. Seeing skid marks in underwear, having to see your bride shave her armpits, or sitting on the toilet certainly ruins the mystique. If ever wondering why one wishes to maintain a certain sense of privacy, you now have the answer.

While the things aforementioned doesn't seem too big to discuss right now, when going through them, it is all one can think about until something bigger comes along. Which is what I am trying to get to. Originally, I thought I would never think about marriage again. I had been through it and wasn't looking forward to getting back into it. In fact, I made a promise to God when the papers were signed and all things were finalized, I would never do such a thing to myself ever again. I did mean that, much like I meant once I had my last child, I wasn't going to have anymore. But then in reading the Word of God and realizing why women were created, it would be selfish for any woman to make the resounding statement never, ever walking down the aisle of matrimony. Why selfish? Because woman was created for man (1 Corinthians 11:8-9 AMP). If she refuses to do what she is created for, she is going against her purpose. She would then be in opposition to God.

Then one sees where marriage has been going in the last 20 years. It isn't something hopeful to be apart of. Initially, we all think that our marriage is going to be different from everyone else's but most certainly those people having experiences in divorce court believed the same thing at one time or another. Just like a vegetable garden, the marriage has to be worked on so not to be over run by weeds, small animals stealing a meal, over growth of the vegetables, and insect infestation. When Adam was given the garden to tend, it served 3 fold. Adam had something to do, he was developing habits to continue to do, and could see if he slacked off from doing what was needed, something or someone else could come in and take over. This is marriage and the man's responsibility to maintain - or at least initiate the maintenance of it.

Women must see what he is doing before accepting a date much less his proposal. He has to have something to do and is maintaining it. If she is desperate to marry and doesn't see certain matters already in place, she will be the one doing it all. This has happened over and over again. She is exhausted, with children, and doesn't look anything like she did when he first took her "off the market." She becomes resentful and bitter towards him. He doesn't know what has happened to her and why she is angry all of the time. What he will say that destroys the marriage is that she changed. That would not be true entirely and most of the time, he knows it. He changed her because of what he didn't do but promised to when they exchanged vows.

I have a theory about May/December romances. I believe a man gets such the younger woman so she won't realize what the women his age already knows. It is why the men in the ministry I use to attend would go elsewhere to find their brides. They knew that the pastor informed the women of the church certain things that they needed to look for in a man. If he did not have those things, not to give him the time of day. The pastor expounded on a wealth of information, having been a conformed "wolf" himself, according to him. He saw the women of that ministry as his little sisters. It was touching and appreciated, yet the appreciation was short lived because there were marriages going on in the ministry but not to the women that had been in attendance for many years waiting. The wait served as temptation to dummy down for the men and pretend not to know what has been taught to them or continue to wait and past the test. The deception was seed sown to be harvested once the marriage had taken place. Again, bitterness and resentment would be the product of such seed.

In scripture, I was reading of other marriages that did not have the happy endings that is originally thought of when the exchanging nuptials come about. Nabal was an evil man as considered by David (1 Samuel 25:5-32 AMP). He was wealthy enough to give to David's troops after battle but didn't see how he had to be the one to loose his possessions for the sake of men that had done nothing for him. David was ready to drive his sword through this man for having such an attitude. But if it weren't for his wife, Abigail, to run and save her husband from his mouth, she would have been a widow sooner than expected.

Job was on his own having an offering fest for sins that no one confessed to him. How upset could his wife have been losing all of her children and everything she had helped to build with this man? She didn't know what he had done. She was over wrought. Why else would she have told him to do what she did (Job 2:9 AMP)?

How about Queen Vashti? She was minding her own business while her husband the King had declared a 6 month party of drinking wine. No one was drinking but him when he called for his wife. Why wouldn't she go to him? Was it because that is all the King would do is party and drink? Could she have been tired? When she didn't go to him, was it disturbing to him or did it become disturbing when he received the advice from a bunch of princes? After their advice, the Queen was dismissed. She received a bill of divorce. How surprising could that have been (Esther 1:1-20 AMP)?

When we marry, do we do so with blinders on? Are we so in love with being in love or with being married or with having guilt free sex, or with the financial benefits that come with marriage so much so we don't see the hearts of those we marry? The Word tells us that man sees the outward appearance but God sees the heart of man. He tests the hearts of men. With Him being the greater one on the inside of us, do we really have an excuse or surprised at what our mates will do over the years? God tested each and everyone of us. Many of those tests were given while we were going through the dating process, if we are being honest with ourselves.

In reading the testaments from the scriptures, we must be able to see that in sowing good seed there has to be a good product. God said that with every seed of its own kind, will produce that product of that seed (Genesis 1:12 AMP). If love is sown, love is given. If peace is sown, peace is given, If kindness is sown, kindness is given. What choices have you made? It is written, God said for man to be fruitful and multiply. While for years believers  thought this to mean procreation, being under the new dispensation, why not think in terms of the fruit of the Holy Spirit? If we multiply that, how pleased would God be with us?

Intentionally Deceiving

You know there are specific reasons why a person tells lies. In a nutshell, to deceive the one listening. There is no purpose in sugar-coating it and calling it a tiny white lie. Tiny or colossal, its intent is to deceive. Now knowing that God said for us to be thou holy for He is holy is a command to reiterate to be more like Him (1 Peter 1:16 KJV). We are already retaining a renewed mind, keeping our hearts guarded and Kingdom of God flourishes. Would a faith filled person lie? Could a God fearing man bear false witness? You would think the unanimous answer would be so simple. If there is a complete trust in God, bearing false witness would be as abhorrent as drinking sour milk. No one deliberately does it.

I was going to write this entry about why a person would lie, but we understand that already. Besides in the entry, A Dried Up Kingdom, I wrote about the history of lies and what happens to the listener of lies. Only, that entry didn't show what happens to the bearer of the false witness. According to the verses I supplied in that entry, it would seem Abram came out pretty well. Sure eventually he did only because God said he would; however, just like adhering to that small voice, you can miss the small statements that have been strategically placed.

I have worked with this co-worker that has had some physical ailments that might leave her with some memory loss (allowance for excuses), yet in conversing with other co-workers, she has said several things that haven't been true. I got fed up with it and began calling her on it just to see if she was going to act as if she has memory loss. She couldn't stick with her story. She was all over the map trying to gather some truth to what she had done. The last straw was involving others in her lie. I immediately asked those others. Again I confronted her. Once found out to be a liar, I told her privately, "if you ever lie to me again, I call you out in front of everyone." She was quiet. I suppose no one has ever said that to her before.

Another woman from a different company was talking to me. I noticed one of her co-workers (we will call her Jane) hadn't been around in quite awhile. I pulled a company photograph of Jane and asked the woman what happened to her thinking that Jane had been fired or transferred to another site. The woman I asked had this elaborate story about Jane finishing school and deciding to move to Florida with her children. She said that Jane had a house and a job already set for her. I believed this worker. There was no reason for me not to. One evening while working in a different building but the same position, who would I see come and greet me but Jane. I replied, "back already?" She asked, "back from where?" So I told her what was said to me. Jane said that she was needed on the 4th floor as a constant rather then roaming from one building to another. She continued to tell me that she has been here all along and has never been to Florida. I tried to make an excuse for the other woman who gave me the information stating well, she must have made a mistake. Jane replied, "mistake how? She sees me everyday!" Why would anyone do that? What amusement would she have in telling me these elaborate lies? Who does it benefit?

I didn't say anything about the matter to the woman; however I did notice within days, she was the one that was MIA. She returned a month later stating that she had been taken to the hospital. She couldn't understand how all of a sudden she got so sick. She had gout, emphysema, bronchitis, pneumonia, and was on all sorts of antibiotics and steroids. I just listened to her. It wasn't until I started writing this entry did I recall the verse that is apropos here. God is not mocked, whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap (Galatians 6:7 KJV).

Abraham is a blessed man of God. It was only while he was Abram did he have a dark horror that came over him causing him to shutter with a great terror (Genesis 15:12 AMP). Where did this fear come from? Could it have been the lies he told to cover himself from what he thought would hurt him? Could it have been all of the deception he did while he was with his family? Isn't it interesting that God would have him move from his kinfolk in order for him to be who he became as one of the giants of faith in scriptures? Would Abraham met his full potential staying with a family who made it a habit to be deceitful?

What about you? I have to check my heart on a constant to see is something there that shouldn't be. I know God will test my heart from time to time (1 Thessalonians 2:4 AMP). Whether it be on the road where I was cut off from a lane or faced with someone being belligerent when the situation doesn't warrant it. Many times I have let matters go allowing to choose my battles; other times, I will meet the opposition head on and win. Yet, when it comes to being deceitful, no matter if it means that I will not be looked well upon - I have to keep my trust in God. I have more to fear with Him then what any man can do. This is the conclusion I came away with after reading  what happened to King Abimelech when he welcomed Abram and his lies into his palace (his kingdom).

We have a Kingdom too (Matthew 6:33 KJV). It is the one sought in obtaining peace, joy, and righteousness (Romans 14:17 KJV). Personally, once I have found a liar in the midst, I can and have been angry. Whether the liar realizes it or not, he/she is extracting from the kingdom...that is, if you are willing to believe what the person is saying without acknowledging the one that sees the hearts of all men. Because the liar doesn't know why you are angry, it would be to your benefit as well as the soul of the liar, if you maintain your kingdom by speaking the Word at every chance. Incorporate the Word in your everyday language. Understand, speaking Elizabethan English isn't what I am referring to and it isn't necessary to quote where the scripture is found; however, seeing that the Word is life, it will cause discomfort in the liar. I have done it. Liars shouldn't be comfortable around you. The Word is life. Use it!

Process of Elimination

I noticed that in the past posts I made mention of much applicable scripture and even used hypothetical scenarios to make the scripture more plausible. I try to keep my business my own but when  you have your own testimonial, its when the Word really becomes real for some people.

I woke up this morning thinking of you and those that read this wondering about the faith by which believers live and the faith that is necessary to be obtained (Hebrews 11:6 AMP). For many of us faith is faith... either you have it or you don't. Yeah, I thought that too. Like I wrote, I woke up with this on my mind.

Some years ago, I attended ministerial school where the appointed minister teaching a faith class had said something that wrinkled my brow from the moment he said it. He spoke about all he wanted to do and actually mentioned a few things that he desired to give to the pastor of the church as a gift. One of those things was a Lear Jet. He said he had to grow up into that though, he just doesn't have the faith to do it yet. Why not, I thought. Why wouldn't he have the faith to believe that God would give him something that was so self-less to give to the pastor? So after class, I asked him. He said, "I just don't have the faith for that yet. You might, but I am not there yet." What did that mean? After all, he was the one sitting in the teacher's chair. How can he sit there to teach me something that he didn't have?

When my husband and I separated, there was such a transition to be single again and with children, I knew I couldn't do it without the support of family, friends, and the church. I leaned on all of them when  times got really hard and all of them were not so supportive when I had to go to court, go back to school, get a job, minister to my children what they needed - so forth and so on. These people have lives of their own and was hoping I could bounce back quicker then I did. I can see that now. Then, I thought I had to learn to choose better friends. In that bouncing back process, I also had to learn to separate myself from those that didn't understand the complexities of raising children, didn't see the vision God gave me, and couldn't keep a positive word in their mouths. Once I did, my faith increased to do what was necessary and to lean more on God, the only one that changes not (Hebrews 13:8-9 AMP).

Trying to get a degree with children wasn't a part of my plan originally, but I had to go back to where my peace wasn't troubled and work it out from that point. It was when I was in school. As I dealt with the egos of the professors, I also had calls from the schools my children attended. There were teachers making accusations about my children that had no foundation. I don't mean my children are the best and would never get in trouble. I mean teachers out of the nowhere deciding to suspended my daughter, for instance, because she defended herself from a boy's constant attacks on her. Upon my own investigation, the very teacher supervising the class admitted in front of her own administrator that she saw the whole thing. She saw the boy attack my daughter and by all accounts they both should be suspended, she said. Never mind the language I used and my actions upon that discovery. Just know I had to shake those experiences off to get my mind focused in obtaining the goal. It seemed one thing right after the other happened, and then after all of it... no more classes... I received in the mail, a bill for some fees at the college and could not get my degree until those fees were paid. I used a student loan! What fees? Once that was sorted, I received a call from my academic adviser. She said I had a withdrawal on my record that needed a grade before I could get my degree. I cannot put into words the frustration I felt trying to finally finish what I kept my focus on for so many years and all of these obstacles appearing out of nowhere. I went to clear up that misunderstanding as well. When it was all finished and I could make arrangements to walk the aisle in cap and gown along with my fellow colleagues, I opted not to. I couldn't be pleased smiling with the scholars that put me through so much. I waited to get my papers through the mail. It was a long wait. So long that by the time I received that white package, I wondered why would anyone be sending me anything. Yet the dance I never had the steps to do before, was exhilarating and worth every drop of sweat and aggravation. I am reaping the benefits of all of that hard work now as I see my children having the drive to get their degrees.

Had I known that what I need to do was go through all of it to get a piece of paper in order for me to establish my career, would I have done it? Honestly, I don't think so. Would I clearly see the joy I am experiencing now to give me the drive to continue on? No, it would take faith and it is the things we hope for and the evidence not seen (Hebrews 11:1 AMP). I went through it because the choice I had not to do it was worse. I had to do it for me and to be able to make a living to keep my children. If I hadn't, they would have done what they needed to to survive and for children to make their own way, is never good (Proverbs 22:6 AMP). I had to use faith, I got angry with God, I made demands, I had to forgive myself and ask for forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32 AMP). I had do without and eat many plates of dry and tasteless humble pie. But I did it! I acknowledged God in the paths I took and there were times I didn't stay quiet when the path taken wasn't as leisurely as I would have hoped. Maybe all of those things were means of punishment for not listening in the first place. The journey was, to say the least, very interesting.

Was that the faith that the minister was talking about that he didn't have? He is a minister! He had to go through something too! So what was he thinking? In order to do something for someone else, you really had to go through something? The Word does say, to much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48 AMP). Look what Jesus did for the world (John 3:16 KJV). Would it then be the same for us to do something for someone else? Would it take much from ourselves to do? Is it worth it? How renewed is your mind (Ephesians 4:22-24 AMP)? If you knew that the road ahead would be a jagged one but at the end of it was a sure treasure, would you travel the road? Where is your faith?

When asking is that all there is to life, why not make an assessment of the decisions that you made in yours? Were all of your decisions to only benefit yourself and no one else? I recall a pastor of a church making a statement I know I have written about before, he literally said to his congregants, "new level, new devil. That's okay. I am happy right where I am. I have the right sized house. My children are happy and healthy. My wife is good. I don't need anything else." I saw that video of him stating this some years ago. I wonder how his faith fared him? Yes, I prayed for him because he still has to live in this world, if he wasn't called home. He has those children and wife of whom has a mind all of their own and will not be still to do nothing. They will make decisions that will affect him. If he thinks that sitting still doing nothing will keep his world like it is, he is mistaken. Naturally, that way of thinking doesn't happen. Scientifically, that way of thinking doesn't happen. And God... hah, if you call yourself a Christian, that definitely will never happen or don't you recall the parable of talents (Matthew 25:15-30 AMP)?