Who Signs Up For This?

I write a separate blog for Christian singles for purposes of teaching messages that aren't readily heard over the pulpit. It is to tell the younger generation a couple of things that aren't usually thought of or expected. I have tried to understand why the older generation keeps such crucial information to themselves when we all hope that the next generation has much more success then the previous one - or at least, we are supposed to be thinking this way (Titus 2:3-5 AMP). Is it more amusing to see such young people crash and burn then to see them at peace with all that they have been blessed with? I try to understand why. The only answer I can come up with is - jealousy. If you have a better answer as to why you haven't taught anyone anything - I will make the retraction.

It has to be true in every believer's life, where we have looked around at all that we have been through and can still say that I am standing and still on fire for Christ. But then upon closer scrutiny, maintaining the stance doesn't seem like the victory that it was supposed to be (Romans 12:11 AMP). As you struggled through to get to the calling you know you are destined to do, sinners right and left are making what seems the abundance that is supposed to be yours (Colossians 3:5-6 AMP). While you drive the hoop-dee, Pimp Daddy laughs at you cruising in his Lexus. While your trying to put some pennies together to purchase laundry detergent, the neighbors who aren't thinking about God just came home with bags and bags of designer clothes and shoes. While you look at the spouse you married believing marital life was one thing but the rolls of fat or receding hair line is clearly telling you otherwise and a co-worker with a Cabala red string just came back from a European holiday with his live in girl friend. You just have to ask, what the bleepity-bleep-bleep is going on (Galatians 5:19-21 AMP)?

The subject matter for this entry has much to do with marital life. Its the look on the spouse's face after finding some disgusting habit that he/she never saw while dating. Its the expression of seeing the spouse as some sort of stranger. For some it happens within a few weeks, for others, it not only takes years but also seeing single life as the treasure once had and should have kept.

The institution of marriage is a wonderful thing (Hebrews 13:4 AMP). The sanctity of that union is something that all single people who believe Jesus is Lord aspire to obtain. The issue which draws me to write is the rush of getting that sanctity by any means necessary. When all of the fairy dust is cleared, the wedding favors have been taken or tossed, the bridal gown is put away once and for all, and the attention is resumed on the factors of life - promises vowed are expected to be upheld. That expectation is stressful to those immature not quite ready for absolute monogamy. Seeing skid marks in underwear, having to see your bride shave her armpits, or sitting on the toilet certainly ruins the mystique. If ever wondering why one wishes to maintain a certain sense of privacy, you now have the answer.

While the things aforementioned doesn't seem too big to discuss right now, when going through them, it is all one can think about until something bigger comes along. Which is what I am trying to get to. Originally, I thought I would never think about marriage again. I had been through it and wasn't looking forward to getting back into it. In fact, I made a promise to God when the papers were signed and all things were finalized, I would never do such a thing to myself ever again. I did mean that, much like I meant once I had my last child, I wasn't going to have anymore. But then in reading the Word of God and realizing why women were created, it would be selfish for any woman to make the resounding statement never, ever walking down the aisle of matrimony. Why selfish? Because woman was created for man (1 Corinthians 11:8-9 AMP). If she refuses to do what she is created for, she is going against her purpose. She would then be in opposition to God.

Then one sees where marriage has been going in the last 20 years. It isn't something hopeful to be apart of. Initially, we all think that our marriage is going to be different from everyone else's but most certainly those people having experiences in divorce court believed the same thing at one time or another. Just like a vegetable garden, the marriage has to be worked on so not to be over run by weeds, small animals stealing a meal, over growth of the vegetables, and insect infestation. When Adam was given the garden to tend, it served 3 fold. Adam had something to do, he was developing habits to continue to do, and could see if he slacked off from doing what was needed, something or someone else could come in and take over. This is marriage and the man's responsibility to maintain - or at least initiate the maintenance of it.

Women must see what he is doing before accepting a date much less his proposal. He has to have something to do and is maintaining it. If she is desperate to marry and doesn't see certain matters already in place, she will be the one doing it all. This has happened over and over again. She is exhausted, with children, and doesn't look anything like she did when he first took her "off the market." She becomes resentful and bitter towards him. He doesn't know what has happened to her and why she is angry all of the time. What he will say that destroys the marriage is that she changed. That would not be true entirely and most of the time, he knows it. He changed her because of what he didn't do but promised to when they exchanged vows.

I have a theory about May/December romances. I believe a man gets such the younger woman so she won't realize what the women his age already knows. It is why the men in the ministry I use to attend would go elsewhere to find their brides. They knew that the pastor informed the women of the church certain things that they needed to look for in a man. If he did not have those things, not to give him the time of day. The pastor expounded on a wealth of information, having been a conformed "wolf" himself, according to him. He saw the women of that ministry as his little sisters. It was touching and appreciated, yet the appreciation was short lived because there were marriages going on in the ministry but not to the women that had been in attendance for many years waiting. The wait served as temptation to dummy down for the men and pretend not to know what has been taught to them or continue to wait and past the test. The deception was seed sown to be harvested once the marriage had taken place. Again, bitterness and resentment would be the product of such seed.

In scripture, I was reading of other marriages that did not have the happy endings that is originally thought of when the exchanging nuptials come about. Nabal was an evil man as considered by David (1 Samuel 25:5-32 AMP). He was wealthy enough to give to David's troops after battle but didn't see how he had to be the one to loose his possessions for the sake of men that had done nothing for him. David was ready to drive his sword through this man for having such an attitude. But if it weren't for his wife, Abigail, to run and save her husband from his mouth, she would have been a widow sooner than expected.

Job was on his own having an offering fest for sins that no one confessed to him. How upset could his wife have been losing all of her children and everything she had helped to build with this man? She didn't know what he had done. She was over wrought. Why else would she have told him to do what she did (Job 2:9 AMP)?

How about Queen Vashti? She was minding her own business while her husband the King had declared a 6 month party of drinking wine. No one was drinking but him when he called for his wife. Why wouldn't she go to him? Was it because that is all the King would do is party and drink? Could she have been tired? When she didn't go to him, was it disturbing to him or did it become disturbing when he received the advice from a bunch of princes? After their advice, the Queen was dismissed. She received a bill of divorce. How surprising could that have been (Esther 1:1-20 AMP)?

When we marry, do we do so with blinders on? Are we so in love with being in love or with being married or with having guilt free sex, or with the financial benefits that come with marriage so much so we don't see the hearts of those we marry? The Word tells us that man sees the outward appearance but God sees the heart of man. He tests the hearts of men. With Him being the greater one on the inside of us, do we really have an excuse or surprised at what our mates will do over the years? God tested each and everyone of us. Many of those tests were given while we were going through the dating process, if we are being honest with ourselves.

In reading the testaments from the scriptures, we must be able to see that in sowing good seed there has to be a good product. God said that with every seed of its own kind, will produce that product of that seed (Genesis 1:12 AMP). If love is sown, love is given. If peace is sown, peace is given, If kindness is sown, kindness is given. What choices have you made? It is written, God said for man to be fruitful and multiply. While for years believers  thought this to mean procreation, being under the new dispensation, why not think in terms of the fruit of the Holy Spirit? If we multiply that, how pleased would God be with us?

The Secret Stash

Its a little sumptin'-sumptin' just for you. Its not hurting anyone, you get some sort of pleasure by having it, and its not hindering your Christianity in anyway - right? Is God pleased with this stash of yours?

What's God have to do with it?

Interesting question, from a believer with an attitude thinking that this little stash is going to be something that God will have you give up. Maybe not. Let's see what that secret stash couldn't possibly be first.
You know it could not be:
- drugs
- alcohol
- prescription drugs (not prescribed to you)
- pornography
- extra-marital affair(s)
- old love letters
- old journals
- little black phone book (if married)
- pictures of broken relationships
- mementos given by past relationships

Some of these things are pretty obvious as to why a born again believer shouldn't have. If there is an issue giving one of the first 5 things up, seek personal counseling. The first 5 things will compromise your faith in God. The last 5 are more of a compromise with peace in your home, especially if you are married. People are peculiar. While one is secure with who they are and have no problems with his/her spouse's past, the other person is trying not to be jealous. In a couple of years the outcome of both of those people will be volatile or headed for divorce court. Why? People change.

Actually, it makes no sense to me as to why anyone would need to have this secret stash especially if he/she is calling themselves a well seasoned Christian trusting in God. In order for you to have a secret stash of anything is direct proof that you don't trust in Him.

A family member got married last year and during the wedding ceremony there were a few people in the bridal party that brought some booze. Why would anyone do this at a Christian wedding? It's disrespectful and undermining the foundation by which the couple was married. I watched as they tried to get the groom to consume the alcohol convincing him that it is a time of celebration and if he weren't going to cut loose now -then when? When, indeed. Later my sons asked what was the big deal? They went as far as asking me where does it say in the bible that it is a sin to drink alcohol. I got the distinct feeling that my innocent children were curious about what everyone else was having fun with and they have denied themselves for so long and for what reason. Understand, they have all been raised in church, I had to tread lightly in explaining why. They, unlike myself at their age, understand the Word. My son stated directly, "if you can show me in the Word, I won't ever drink." I was put on the spot. Something I didn't expect from them, but I understood where they were coming from having faced the same temptation (Proverbs 20:1 KJV, Isaiah 5:11-17 AMP, Isaiah 28:7 KJV, Luke 1:15 KJV, Ephesians 5:18 AMP).

A man with a young family had finally established his home. His wife had three children for him. Two daughters and a son. He was content with what he had and knew that it could only get better. Every Sunday, he would relax and it was the custom for him to go to the corner store with his son and purchase the Sunday news, a comic book for his son, and a magazine for his wife. Unless his daughters asked for something specific, it wasn't a big deal for them. It was only on the second week of the month would the routine change. He'd still purchase the paper, the comic book, and the magazine, but there was an added little pleasure that he would have for himself. It was the time for the new girlie mags of the month. Along with everything else, he would take his little secret pleasure mag and roll it up in the newspaper. For some reason, he thought he had hid it from his family and the only one that knew about it and didn't seem to mind was his wife. She saw it, but said nothing. After so many years, the marriage didn't work and the family was split apart with the man moving into his own place. As his only son grew to be a young man himself, he started his own collection of nude magazines. Where did he get this habit from? The children grew and moved out, getting married and having children of their own. One of the marriages from that family didn't work out. It was one of the daughters. She caught her husband cheating several times and didn't know what to do to salvage the marriage. She and her children moved back home with her mother. The daughter remembered what her brother use to collect and made sure to check the room that her sons would be sleeping in. It seemed to be cleared of any of the nude magazines. They unpacked and got settled into their new residence. As the boys moved about discovering all the different places they could play and hide, one of the sons found a picture torn from one of those magazines. She was posed provocatively with a man. The son that found the  picture was 7. He told no one of his new found secret stash.

I haven't quite got a grip in understanding why a married Christian man would need to have pornography magazines as well. It just doesn't make sense to me. He has a wife! If he loves his wife as Christ loved the church and gave his life up for her, then why would he have porn too. What does this porn make his wife feel like? Isn't she enough? If it is all for fun and no big deal, why not give it up? If it is no big deal, why didn't you tell her about your porn stash when you were dating? If it is no big deal, let your pastor know that you have it and hear if he thinks its no big deal in front of your wife. Seriously, if you have to hide it, its a big deal and what's worse - you knew it all along!

 Before Ted Bundy was executed for being a serial rapist, he confessed. He said that his ways stemmed from pornography. He made this confessions after he knew he couldn't get away with it anymore. His arrogance became bigger then himself when he decided to be his own defense - yet with as much wrong as he was facing, it was obvious where he was going to end up. He failed and just before he was about to leave this earth, scripture stood to do what it does. A verse or two came to mind at his confession - pride goes before a fall (Proverbs 16:18 KJV). How can that happen unless entertained and given place (Ephesians 4:27 KJV).

That list above is what some people use as a vice. It temporarily allows the user to escape from the journey chosen. The problem with that list, anyone of those things used on a continuum, will have that user more in lack then he ever thought he could be in - for it is written (Proverbs 24:30-34 KJV).

My Brother Is Suing Me?

There is this misconception that as a Christian we are not supposed to take one another to court. Misconception may not be the correct word to use here because the bible does state the procedure if there is a dispute among the believers (1 Corinthians 6:1-7 AMP). The process can be just as long as going through getting a complaint on the docket and having the other party served; nevertheless, it is different then what the world does and is pleasing in the sight of God to do good.

In using the word, misconception was after reading a textbook about divorce and marriage in the church. It was  difficult getting through the first five chapters thinking about how many divorces there are thus far in the church. With so many people not knowing what the correct thing to do in Christ, the alternative being what everyone on the bandwagon does and is socially acceptable.

Oh well, it just didn't work out but there is always divorce! 

It was tedious reading and a little disturbing to realize with the statistics being what they are, why hasn't this topic been discussed to exhaustion. Why are there so many sermons about getting more from God when what has been given has not been taken care of (Luke 12:48 KJV)? That isn't just the congregation but the spiritual leaders and  ministers  as well. They can't ask more from the congregation when they haven't done what God has told them to do. With God being a good Father, He would not have His children be without the information we need in order to have a full, complete and successful life. It seems there is enough punishment to go around for everyone.

Believers try their best to be pleasing to God. In so doing we tend to think this also means we must allow others to take advantage of us. This became a hot spot for me as I got up this morning and thought about my co-worker who happened to give me my check after opening it. She said, "sorry, I accidentally opened your check. It was a mistake." I was seething but took the check from her and said nothing about the matter. You see, everyone gets their check or a notice of their direct deposit in their mailbox located in the clerical office. She and I, because of having the same title, share a mailbox. If you know this, there is not mistake. I was here before her and never did I pick up my co-worker's check by mistake. You just don't do it, not even subconsciously because you are aware of someone else's personal property is there. Even with your own mail, one just doesn't open anything and everything. You scrutinize between the junk and the bills. A year or so later, the administrator did the same thing. Why wouldn't she notice the difference between her check and mine and why didn't she make that mistake with anyone else's check? She wrote on the envelope, "oops, sorry, I opened it by mistake" and then signed her name. She didn't even try to tape it back together. I still said nothing but could have taken a bite out of the back of the office chair I was so angry. The point of the matter is, I didn't do anything about it because the check wasn't a size that was worthy in making a big deal about. I also took it before God so I could still work with these people without gritting my teeth.

Would there be a difference if the check was constant and bigger?

There would be a slight difference. Would there be a difference if the perpetrators professed Christianity? And this is what the entire post is about. People tend to stray away when both parties are Christian because the whole foundation of love and being pleasing in the sight of God is paramount. Getting revenge belongs to the Lord and we are not to care about our material possessions; therefore, we have to go through so many different avenues to settle our discontent with being taken advantage of or just letting the matter go. It is what a family member told me to do when I was a freshman in college and working for a business in its fledgling stages of production. Granted, the owner used a number of his family members and also a few of us in the neighborhood which should have been my first clue but I was 18 at the time. My sister and I were elated to get a job so close to home but all of the adulation went South when weeks turned into months without pay. The owner at the end of every week had a speech about where the company was going and his goals in taking the entire staff on vacations. He puffed up the time we had with so many pipe dreams, the major complaint of payment was overlooked. I suppose he was surprised when he had to explain to the Better Business Bureau of his work practices and to the IRS for not filing the correct papers with having that many people as employees. Or maybe it was a shock to find that I got that process rolling and he received a summons to court.  I just couldn't let it go. It was so wrong of him to do with no remorse and no sign of rectifying the matter. I didn't know whether he was paying his family members with all of our hard work; I just knew my sister, my neighbor, and I had never received a check. My family member still maintained for me not to do anything and let God handle it even when I won my case. I didn't regret one moment of that process especially when he took all of his assets and put them in his only child's name. After I won my case, I did let the matter go. It was necessary for him to know that all of his hot air didn't detour me from doing what I knew was right and now he knew that I wasn't alone in thinking that way.

What about the Christian aspect of the matter? 

If Christians have a dispute, we know the Word would clear it up. If one party was not in agreement of the Word, then there would have to be another party who was knowledgeable in Christian principles (book knowledge as well as living it) to over see the topic and weigh in based upon the Word. If there was still a dispute, then the spiritual leaders are to handle the matter. The purpose for this procedure is to keep peace amongst the people for progression to continue in Christ. If the disputing party is still trying to cause discontentment, then he/she must leave the congregation (be excommunicated). He/she would be considered a sinner. This would mean that calling him/herself a Christian was only lip service. One must also walk in the spirit so not to fulfill the lust of the flesh (Galatians 5:16 AMP). Even if that practice wasn't something that had been studied for that individual as of yet, there is the practice of loving thy neighbor as thyself. If the so called Christian hadn't got to that lesson yet, there are always those 10 Commandments. Now with all three of those principles, we can see the levels of maturity in Christ. If none of these levels have ever been in practice especially as long as some of the people have been in church, then there is something wrong. The word tells us to know to do right and not to do it is a sin (James 4:17 AMP). If a person practices not doing right when he/she knows what right is - no matter how many times they call themselves a Christian, their acts say otherwise. He/she is a sinner and therefore is beholden to the same laws that the world goes by.

This is also true when there are those that go through a divorce. If both parties don't know what they have done, they should seek counseling in the church before attempting to file papers. It is no different in the case above. It is still paramount to do things that are pleasing to God. God hates divorce. God has called us all to peace (1 Corinthians 7:15 AMP). Is it a conundrum? 

I know of a case where the husband refused to get a job to support his wife and children. It was taken to the elders in the church over and over again. The pastor counseled the man and he still didn't do anything different. It was as if he snubbed the pastor's advice. Years passed and the tension in the household didn't subside. The wife was tired of going to the pastor and receiving no change. It had become an embarrassment for her and the family. The husband kept making references that if she was miserable, she should go and file for a divorce. He was very careful not to ask for a divorce himself just the suggestion of one. When matters didn't move as quickly as he would have liked, he made the living conditions so uncomfortable, that she contemplated the idea of leaving him.They separated. He started dating and was enjoying his single life. His family spoke to him about his behavior and suggested for him to go to the elders of the church to be reconciled with his wife. He hemmed and hawed but knew what the scriptures state about the matter. He made arrangements for him and his estranged wife to see the pastor. Nothing was resolved even after 4-5 sessions. Finally, after the pastor spoke to him privately, he was over wrought. He called his wife without gathering his thoughts and said, "If you don't want to get back together, I have to live my life. I need a wife. If  it isn't going to be you, it has to be someone. So what are you going to do?" She answered, "I don't know yet. What are you going to do?" He repeated himself. She didn't say anything. Frustrated that she didn't give him the answer he was looking for, he said, "You need to give me a divorce." She said, not knowing the Word as well as she should, "Why don't you get one yourself?" After that, the arguing started but she didn't have to keep listening to it and hung up the phone. 

You see, in this case, the man refused to care for his children. The Word tells us if a man doesn't support his children that he is worse then an infidel (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV). An infidel is a sinner. If his actions depict who he is, he has decided to be a sinner again no matter how he calls himself a Christian. Therefore, he is subject to the laws of the courts. He was taken to the elder of the church and spoken to over and over again. Because he refused to do anything better then he was doing, he disregarded the advice and actions within the church should have been taken. He knew what was right to do and decided not to do it. The Word tells us, this is a sin. His continued acts again makes him who he is - a sinner. Because the church did not take any other action for his disregard of advice, it would be a matter between the pastor and God; nevertheless, because he was not corrected, he thinks he can continue to do as he pleased in the church. Whether he knew it or not, he asked his wife for a divorce. She didn't know that was all she needed to be free and clear of him because it is written (1 Corinthians 7:15 AMP). The marriage continued, estranged as it was, for years even after the separation. His acts of infidelity continued even before a divorce was filed and granted.

It's as if there is this target on our backs for us to be the whipping post for all of those who desire to be bullies but have no one else to pick on but the Christian. Because we have some knowledge in Christ to be the peace givers and the light of the world, we try with every effort not to be argumentative and not to cause dissension anywhere. Jesus is the Prince of Peace. With Him being greater on the inside of each and every one that believes, how then can we disrupt the quiet? How can we be the cause of the storm when we are the ones to call, peace be still? Selah.

The answer is because we are the light of the world we have to stand against the wrong that is being done. If we have someone do wrong against us it is as if the person is doing wrong against the temple of God. You do remember when Jesus came upon those that tried to sell wares in the temple? He said that they had made the house of God a den of thieves (Mark 11:15-18 KJV). There is no communion with light and darkness. When light has been turned on, darkness is eradicated. With this understanding, do what is right. If there is a person who professes Christianity, then he/she will abide by what the church decides according to scripture. If not, then he/she does not believe and therefore, without admitting it, is a sinner. He/she can then be summoned to court, get a bill of divorce, and any other legal matter that is acceptable by the world's standards. It is not because you believe in such practices, it is because the respect and reverence of God is not honored and has been disregarded. Just like Jesus kicking over the tables in the temple, we have the same right to evict the wrong so it is right again. This is why there should be Christians in political office and in everything that would change policy and procedure for the greater good. We don't necessarily have to run for office, we just have to be an influencing factor for those that do. Amen?

Divorce (part 1)

This was a difficult topic for me to write about; however,it wasn't when I heard about the statistics, nor was it when other family members used it to settle disputes. It didn't affect me as much as one would think when my parents went through it. The truth of the matter is it began to infiltrate in my life when I heard my now ex-husband threaten me with divorce because he was loosing an argument (James 1:20 AMP). An argument that came about less than two weeks into our marriage. For him to even allow those words to come from his mouth startled me, shut me up, and know it or not, it set the course for the direction of the relationship.

I am not placing blame. If most people were honest with themselves at a failed marriage they could see their part in its demise as well. What I am doing is showing those who are married, about to be married, and desires of which, that the men are the leaders of the household. If he never learned that the words of his mouth and meditation of his heart needs to be acceptable in the sight of the Lord (Psalms 19:14 KJV) then he will allow the enemy place (Ephesians 4:27 KJV) and he will show other areas of his life that lack of temperance (discipline).

If we have what we say (Mark 11:23 KJV) then whether it being good or bad one must live by the fruit of his lips. The harvest then being what it is.

Divorce (part 2)

People enter into marriage for a myriad of reasons. Some favorable to God while others...well, we can see with the many divorces that have come about in the last 20-30 years. Paul writes if you cannot contain yourself then marry for it is not a sin but you will have trouble (1 Corinthians 7:36 AMP). That verse all by itself should have given us all reason to stand up and take notice. Trouble? No one purposely tries to get into trouble. Why, why would Paul deem such a thing on men and women of God for generations to come? He also writes when you were single you concerned yourself about the things of God but married you concern yourself about worldly matters (1 Corinthians 7:32-34 AMP). How irritating is that? All of this time while trying to do what's right, the only time you were right is by being single? Now that you marry, you can't focus on the things of God anymore? Really. Is that what Paul meant?

For sometime, I disregarded the verse because Paul had never been married and was speculating. However, as I studied the Word, it kept popping back up. If one marries for the purposes of satisfying his loins, his mind wasn't on the things above but the things south of the border (below). If temperance or the flesh was never really controlled then it will again start to infiltrate other matters in one's life (1 Corinthians 7:37 AMP). If lust was the reason for the matrimony then lust will come again in other things like a business venture, purchasing a house, playing a card game, or even buying a pair of shoes. For instance, you see someone you know doing well. Normally, you would feel fine and congratulate him/her but instead there are these strange feeling that arise. Thoughts come over your mind:

You know they don't have the experience you have. They don't have the education you have. They don't have the connections you have so how could they afford a luxury car, and expensive vacation home or even take a vacation for that matter? Who do they think they are?

Where did those thoughts come from? Don't you see, this is the trouble that Paul was referring. These are the worldly matters he taught in the scriptures. And why? Because there was no discipline before getting married. You answered to lust. Lust simply is not being satisfied (Philippians 4:11 AMP).


No one really likes discipline but it has its place in child rearing both in the natural and in the spirit. A child without instruction or correction grows to be a fool. He is self confident and arrogant. The bible says he is a grief to his mother and in as much a disgrace to his father (Proverbs 10:1 AMP). God chastises those whom He loves and we should not despise it. For in the long scheme of things (usually after the pain) , the correction will be to our benefit.

Divorce occurs after the passion has been fulfilled. We then see what we should have seen if taken the time to date properly. Error is clear but instead of being mature to see a Marriage Counselor, the quick fix is divorce. In getting this quick fix, understand that there will be consequences. I don't know why people don't see that there is a consequence in getting a divorce.... unless discipline was never tended to. Nevertheless, without understanding, these things will be repeated:

1. Dating (courting) occurs for the two people to see what they have in common. Dating is for the purposes of marriage and not to see if the goods are suitable for the other. Divorce is realizing that the person you married was supposed to be for someone else.

2. In getting a divorce, at least one person has been hurt. Most of the time, there is no love in this process and therefore, the one initiating the legal documents doesn't realize or couldn't care less the hurt and pain that has been inflicted upon the other and the children. Know the Word tells us to touch not thine anointed and do His prophets no harm. It also says that it is better that a millstone be put around the neck of the one that offends the little ones.

3. Children aren't as resilient as the previous generations thought they would be. Children can grow up angry and resentful when they have been left with one parent that has to do it all. The Word tells us that a man that does not support his children is worse then an infidel.

Just like man made medication, divorce has side effects that can last longer than the relationship. These are 3 reasons why someone's life is in turmoil and he/she doesn't understand why. Make that confession and clean up. Don't repeat these same offenses again.

Divorce (part 3)

I would like to believe that my marital situation (or lack thereof) was unique and no one knows what I experienced; but that would be a fallacy. For it is written: there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9 NIV). It took 6 years of separation before I signed the divorce papers. I know what God says about divorce and I also know what I felt. Reconciliation, reconstruction, with a plethora of promises had their moments but understanding the problem wasn't there. Agreement for marital counseling came too late, and then while searching through the Word, I found that loop hole I was looking for. The one verse that allowed me to be free from the chains binding me. If one chooses to leave, let him go. For God has called us to peace (1 Corinthians 7:15 KJV). That was it! I signed the papers and allowed the process to end one thing; however, I didn't know it would begin something else.

The quiet that one seeks in a home isn't the same as the righteousness quiet the bible speaks of (Isaiah 32:17 KJV). Mothers know when it is too quiet, depending on the children, trouble isn't too far behind? The head of the household is gone. Did he pray for the children? Was his presence necessary to keep deranged and perverted thoughts from coming to their minds? Saved or not, he is the other half of their emotional, mental, physiological, spiritual, and social health.The bible states that staying married keeps the children clean (1 Corinthians 7:14 AMP). Clean from what?

Think about it. What does a woman have to do when she becomes single with children? Work, stay saved, go back to school, stay saved, pay for day care, stay saved, make sure the children has some kind of recreation, stay saved, tend to the children's extracurricular activities, and did I mention - stay saved? What are they thinking? Who influenced them along the way? Yesterday? Last week? What were they doing at the sitter's? Who were they playing with? What occupies their time now? This was a mother's concern before the divorce.Yes, it might still be a concern but the truth is, it is not paramount. Keeping a roof overhead, clothes on their backs, food on the table, and the lights on are.

God hates sin. God hates divorce(Malachi 2:16 AMP). Hate is a strong word, yet it is apropos. If we could see the detriment before it actually happens, would we do it anyway? When in love our minds aren't as practical as they were before having a relationship. Once in the relationship, we think a little more practical with responsibilities and mindful of the other person's needs. This, somehow goes awry when divorce is the resolve. Practicality goes out the window and the children seem to be the casualties. This is the reason why God hates divorce and it goes even further. Because without both parents many children grow up resentful and the scripture will do what it says. It is better that a millstone be put around his neck and he tossed into the sea then for anyone to offend the little ones (Matthew 18:6 AMP). Divorce isn't as easy as signing a few papers. Think about it responsibly.

Making A Vow For Life - Then Relinquishing It

What we should know, by now, is that God hates divorce. What may be the real question, especially during the time of offense and being away from the very one you vowed to be with for the rest of your life is getting on your nerves, is why does God hate the very thing that could set you free? Understand that it is only the truth that makes and sets anyone free. The truth can only be found in the Word; so let's go there to really and truly be delivered from that which binds you.

First, let's set the stage for those counselors and ministers who try to place a band aid on cancer. Like it or not when a couple comes for godly counsel one must look beyond the religious views of training and delve into what the couple is saying. When two people have contemplated divorce and are Christian, there has been 1 or all 3 things that have taken place:
1. There was no godly pre-marital counseling before the preparation of the ceremony.
2. Lust was involved, so rational and common sense were removed.
3. Divorce was not an impulse decision but something that has been fed by speaking it and thinking it whenever there was an intense argument.

It is already a given that selfishness is the foundation of the decision; reason being, it was the base by which the marriage was developed. Though everyone heard the beautiful words and mannerisms initially, God saw the hearts of them both and they were not stayed on Him. Therefore, the volatile disposition they have towards one another is suppressed for the sake of the counseling session and should be considered before stating a panacea verse that neither one is willing to understand or do based on their previous behavior.

The questions I would have for the both of them in separate sessions would be:
1. Has anyone prayed?
2. Have you crucified the flesh daily and how?
3. Define Love: first from the heart then from the Word.
4. Why is there a difference in the two definitions?

Then based on those answers and understanding (or lack thereof), the two would be brought together to compare notes. Their salvation in Christ Jesus would be a topic and how life was the decision for them both when entering into the commitment of Christianity. The question then would be if they would ever consider going back to their old ways (2 Corinthians 5:17 AMP)? Their answers, even the pauses would register as being very important here. Those answers redirect the journey of the session. Whether the thought is:
- should I answer based on my belief?
- should I answer based on whether I have to stay married?
- should I answer to prove whether I love my spouse or not?
- is this some sort of trick?

The long and short of it is, the counseling of a marriage headed for divorce court cannot be about if he is loving her as Christ loves the church or is she reverencing her husband, It is obvious that the 2 babes in Christ don't have that understanding. So if the counselor/minister doesn't have the patience to get down to the brass tactics of salvation and the benefits of remaining married, if not for themselves then for those around them, the counselor then must flip it to discuss what the couple came to do - get a divorce.

There was a time where the mere mention of divorce scared me. It used to be because of the reminder of what my family went through when my parents decided to do it, but then the Word states that God hates it (Malachi 2:16 AMP). There is a list of things that God hates and we know not to do; yet divorce has become so common, the scariness of it now is, what is the punishment for going through with it anyway?

We know that God hates sin. We know that the wages of sin is death. So with God hating divorce, should we put divorce on the same scale as sin having the same effect? We see that studies have shown that with both parents working, divorce still has a financial drain on the income. The stress factors increase. The health issues men had before marriage return. Women increase in the workplace have shown through career choices that where men's health issues were women are now getting those same issues. She carries more of the load that she is not equipped for - nevertheless she does what she has to do according to standards that are not written in the Word. Look again at the Proverbs 31 woman. In comparison, we can now see that divorce does have the same sort of lacking effects on the separated individuals.

With this in mind, would there ever be a good reason for two Christians to divorce? The vow based on scripture states, what God has joined together let no man put asunder. If divorce is the answer with a couple, did God join them together? The Word says to not be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14 AMP). Could the inequality have been discovered in the marriage? The Word says how can two walk together unless they agree (Amos 3:3 KJV). The Word tells us that arguing doesn't promote righteousness (James 1:20 AMP). We know that righteousness is an element needed for Kingdom Life (Matthew 6:33 KJV). So in seeking those good things, realizing that a mistake has been made; would God still be in opposition of getting the divorce?

The Word tells us if the spouse asks to leave, then don't try to keep that from happening. It also says that the saved spouse should stay with the non-believer because it keeps the non-believer safe and the children clean (1 Corinthians 7:15 AMP). That last statement can be the turning point for some because the question of the life altering decision is for the benefit of the children - that is if the 2 adults aren't too self absorbed.

This blog doesn't promote divorce. What I am allowing the believer to see where those verses in the bible are and to use in prayer when making such a drastic decision. God allows the true believer to do as he/she pleases; however, the Word reminds us while all things are permissible, they are not all profitable (1 Corinthians 6:12 AMP). The struggle when deciding to divorce will be there, but all is not lost.