Got Trouble?

Whether I wrote about this particular incident in this blog or not, I don't recall; nevertheless, it is still apropos here. It took some doing to convince me to go to ministerial school, yet after much prayer I believe I was led to the school's office for the application. There were a few tunnels to burrow through and some hills to climb, but I suppose it was a part of the process if really interested in being a minister. After which, there was also an interview with a panel of clergy. This was not an issue but was appreciated understanding that the wheat needed to be separated from the tares (Matthew 13:24-30 KJV). It took some doing and after two tries (reason being, I wasn't as acquainted with the church's ministers as others and didn't think it was necessary to be), I was finally accepted.

During initiation into the school, there was a small skit that the secretaries to the ministers put on to let all of the new students realize that because we were doing as the Lord has led to do, we should now be ready for all sorts of trouble that was about to happen in our lives. The skit was entertaining and I don't think any of us believed that there was going to really be anything so different that we would not be able to handle as we have been doing with the obstacles that many of us face in our ordinary lives. We applauded their talented efforts and was ready to move on to see what was next.

There were a lot of rules. None of which carried a complaint. We all knew better not to do that. We all started to get used to the new routine that was added into our schedule and the classes proceeded according to plan. Then one of the students lost her job because of the downsizing that was occurring within the company she was working for. This same student a few weeks later discovered that her home was going into foreclosure. A young couple in the class was going through turmoil because the wife had fallen ill and was rushed to the hospital for surgery. It was reported to the class that the illness was serious. In the later weeks, I recall there was car trouble for some students, family issues with others, financial matters all around, and many, many requests for prayer.

Personally, out of nowhere I fought with insomnia. Well, maybe not out of nowhere... you see, from the time I saw that skit, crap started to creep around and I didn't pay attention to it. First, being a Director of a Learning Center, I felt secure with my position. My employer, the owner, expressed how pleased he was with my performance and how I have saved him hundreds of dollars. My administrative assistant whispered to me that this pleased employer was interviewing to replace me. I didn't believe her until I saw one of the interviewees. I asked my employer and he concurred with what the administrative assistant said. Meanwhile in the classes, my employees weren't getting along and one in particular had a complaint every time I saw her. If it wasn't in her own home it was the children she was hired to watch. When I decided to pack my personal belongings to leave knowing that brown nosing could have saved my position, I just couldn't do it. At home, my children were being accosted by bullies in the school. I had to come see to it. My daughter defended herself from a boy that slapped her and the teacher claimed she saw the whole thing. So why didn't she stop the boy from slapping my daughter? The teacher's gaping mouth not realizing that she told on herself was all I need to start an physical altercation - but didn't. My son was enjoying being kicked out of school for his comedic antics. The neighborhood children were plotting to attack my other son - just because. I was told, its what children do these days. My ex-husband began calling me 2-3 times a week to let me know that he could be a better parent and that I should sign over physical custody to him. Believing that my sons needed to have that male influence, I allowed for them to be in his custody. Within days, he started the process for child support and then increased it. I was in court so often, it is a wonder they didn't call me by my first name. The Lord blessed me with another job, but it was just enough to pay for tuition for ministerial school and gas money. The car I was using belonged to a family member that needed to be picked up at a certain time. Understanding that I also had to transport my children, using the car wasn't an issue until this family member was assigned to be moved within the company. Her schedule changed and therefore, mine had to also in order for me to keep using the car. I couldn't do it. She asked for her car back. I had to make sure my children could get where they needed to be, I had to be at work and still go to ministerial school. Did I mention the studying and I couldn't miss one sermon because it could be a topic of discussion in class?  Did I mention that my student loans went into default and the debt collector absconded with my payment? The car I was using got broken into by smashing in the window and my identification was stolen. Because of the theft, my savings was depleted from both accounts immediately after the break in. The teller that allowed the transaction was fired and the manager handling my case was fired as well. The new management finally got my balance out of the negative and was about to replace the funds when he was fired too. I began the investigation process all over again with headquarters; believing I was getting through to completion until the head of investigation would no longer take my calls. I think I hadn't slept in about 5-6 days. I forgot how long I stayed on a fast believing that what was happening was because of something I had not done in Christ. No one really noticed that I lost about 4 dress sizes within a few weeks, that my hair was falling out, and at night when the television was off, it seemed like my reflection was coming through the screen. I called  the church for prayer. The minister I spoke to asked if I was on drugs. I suppose I would have thought the same thing if I saw how erratic I was one day during early morning prayer. A few days before that, I had a test. I knew the scripture that was on the test. I recited it just before sitting in class, yet when it came time for me to put on paper, I handed it back to the teacher completely blank. I couldn't think of one word - not one. I understood why but still didn't like seeing that big red "F" on my paper.  That erratic behavior in early morning prayer got me kicked out of ministerial school and I resigned from my job that was affiliated with the church. I didn't fight my sister when she took me to the hospital for a psychological evaluation. She had no idea what I was going through and I would have done the same thing if it were her.

I don't recall anyone in class asking for prayer with that much trouble. I suppose crap like that was kept to themselves or they just moved and started a new life elsewhere. Would that I could have turned back the hands of time or even the thought of starting over anywhere else would have been so refreshing, yet it left a bad taste for me to run. Within days, I returned to church and dealt with the finger pointing and the mumbling behind my back. It took a couple of years to get things back to normal. In that time, I was telling a few congregants about that skit that was introduced to the new students at the initiation process of ministerial  school. One of my former classmates was sitting next to me and looking as if she was reading her bible,  interrupted me with a statement that caused those hands of time to be turned back. She said, "the trouble they said we were going to have, I didn't receive it." She went back to reading her bible. I couldn't finish what I was saying. I don't even remember what the message was that day, whether I praised and worshiped as I would normally have, or how I got back home. She didn't receive it?!! We can do that?!!

Doing It Afraid

Doing what? Anything. Its just not an option in Christ.

You have to see this in its simplest form so not to have to do something in this matter. But first, I must preface why I am writing this post. This entry is for all of those that have heard the instruction to do it afraid, taught this lesson, or contemplated in this direction and are adhering to it. This entry is for all of us to have the same understanding. If you have Word that teaches different from this, I am more then willing to make a retraction and delete this entry.

First, God did not give us a spirit of fear, which is what being afraid is (2 Timothy 1:7 KJV). So if He did not give it and He is the greater one living on the inside of those that believe, how can fear have residence where it does not belong? If the Word tells us not to give the devil place and fear is having residence in your heart (mind or body), have you disregarded God's instruction?

Knowing that you would rather do anything else then be disobedient to God, we must dissect why this feeling of being afraid has come about. The Word tells us to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all of these things will be added unto you (Matthew 6:33 KJV). We know that the Kingdom of God is not meat and drink but joy and peace in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17 KJV). Therefore, if we walk in the Spirit then we must live in the Spirit (Galatians 5:25 KJV). This means that God will lead us in the direction that we must go. Jesus, being the Prince of Peace and is the Word of God also is considered in all that we do. With this understanding, where would being afraid fit in? Peace is the opposite of fear. If there is a decision to be made and your peace is troubled with fear, then it wasn't of God. It was a suggestion created in your mind from the flesh (Romans 5:-3 KJV). If it also stirs up fear (being afraid), you must immediately rebuke it. Whether that means praying, praising, or thanking God for the Wisdom He gave you to make all decisions, it shows resistance (James 4:7 KJV). For the suggestion of fear, your reaction is resistance. Because of this reaction, you have conquered and defeated the enemy  - again (Romans 8:37 AMP)!

Here is another way to make things easier when the feeling of fear comes about. God created man and all things (John 1:10 KJV). He and only He is God. If He is directing you to do something, then He has given you the strength to do it (Philippians 4:13 KJV). If there is opposition that comes against the thing He has told you to do, you have a decision to make. Is He greater or the thing He created that is coming against you greater? If you walk in the fear that has come against you then you have chosen for that thing to be your god. If that is your god, then you have the answer as to why there is turmoil in your life. Jesus is the Prince of Peace. You cannot have peace any other way. It is why we acknowledge Him in all our ways, for Him to direct our path (Proverbs 3:6 KJV).

I received a testimonial from a man who was promoted from directing traffic in a church parking lot to a deacon. He's married, without children, and was caring for his elderly mother. In so doing, there was a change in staff in the ministry and he was needed to train new people in the position that he was in. The ministers of this rather large church were a little intimidating to say the least to anyone who has no understanding of the aforementioned principle. Because the ministry had grown through out the country, this man's expertise for training was needed much more then ever before. The ministers decided to have a meeting with him and request for this man to travel to these various churches to teach the necessary training for the ministry to be successful. The man knew how important it was for the ministry to thrive but the decision was not troubling to him. He had a wife going to school with a career. He had a mother that he needed to care for and now there is this added responsibility. The ministers made the proposal attractive with an added salary and bonus. But it wasn't something that was attractive to him. He said to the ministers what his responsibilities are. The ministers solution was for the man to pack his family up and have them travel right along with him. He asked the assistant pastor, "would you do that to your wife?" The assistant pastor was quiet. The man got up and left with the job and responsibilities God had originally given to him.

When the man told me this, I was thinking that he had taken the job and was going through all sorts of mess. I thought he had taken the job because of what the Word tells us to hold the ministry in high esteem. This man had the confidence and assurance of righteousness on his side. It was like David and Goliath. A huge promotion along with the money was looming over him. So many other people would see the money as a sign from God that it was the right thing to do to accept the job.  Some would see it as a test. In taking the test, the question asked is, which decision is going to keep me on the path of life? In life there is peace and joy. If you cannot see  the trouble and aren't sure there will be trouble, then prayer, praise, and thanksgiving has to be at work for the clarity to be in place (not fear) when the final decision is made. Others would have also taken the job because of the ministry (Ephesians 4:11-15 KJV). Their premise being, why would men of God lead anyone astray (John 10:12-14 KJV)? The answer to that is, men and women of God have their own tests, temptations, and trials to go through. They are messengers to deliver a message God has given to them. If they aren't obedient to God, they also have consequences as well and even more so because they are in ministry (James 3:1 AMP). You as an individual must see the vision God has given to you. No one else knows what God has given to you. Even if you describe it, the listener will not have the motivation, drive, or enthusiasm to complete the task that you have because they are not anointed to do the same task that has been given to you (Romans 12:4 AMP). Because of this understanding you can be confident in Him much like David (Isaiah 32:17 AMP). You have no need to fear.