Where Are The Headaches Coming From?

I don't know if it is still a popular excuse for not being affectionate to your husband, but it use to be. If it wasn't from my married friends, it was heard on television sitcoms. Oddly, the excuse wasn't that funny....on a sitcom or in real life. If there wasn't a medical issue, what is/was the problem? And if used as an excuse, what did the husband do to aid in making his wife feel better?

Are those days gone where women can bring home the bacon, fry it in the pan, and never let her

husband forget he is a man (lyrics to an old cigarette commercial)? At the time of that jingle, women weren't doing it all but fighting for equal rights to have the opportunity to. Why? Because she was tired of being supportive to her husband, taking care of the children, managing the home, while believing her husband is making an income to bring home. The real picture, she either was clue-less or wished not to know that at work, the guys had developed the boys-will-be-boys club. What your wife don't know, won't hurt her was the motto or mission statement. The "boys" do what they did in the fraternity days then come home vaguely describing to their wives what had to be done to make business deals and the networking process. Did she actually know what he was doing? Probably not, but she knew something wasn't right. One the inside, he could tell. All women have that - if you didn't know.

By the time the both of them retired to the marital bed, the stress of not knowing what her husband really did, coping with home management, and whatever he was bringing home with him that she doesn't know about (i.e., STDs, being one with another, absence of him, etc.) could very well cause a headache or what can be translated as "alone' time to sort some things out (Proverbs 14:1 AMP).

You see, what he doesn't consider is that woman who he vowed to love, honor, cherish, while forsaking all others, has a family to raise. She can do her best to wear a mask for the neighbors, family and friends, but it doesn't work with her own children. They know her and as they grow up, they are watching the dynamics of their parents. While the facade rather then the truth continues to play, the children develop their own values based on what they see (Proverbs 22:6 AMP).

God tells us to study and meditate on the Word day and night; then you will have good success (Joshua 1:8 AMP). That good success comes from understanding what was studied. It isn't all pretty. The ugly isn't preached too often because the speaker would have to be made accountable for his own actions and life. Where did Cain get the idea of killing his brother (Genesis :10-12 AMP)? Did Abraham teach Isaac to lie (Genesis 12:19; 26:9 AMP)? Where did Lot's daughters get the idea to have their first born with their father (Genesis 19:32 AMP)? Why would Amnon lust after his sister (2 Samuel 13:1-20 AMP)? Where did these feelings acted out come from? We can generalize to make ourselves feel more comfortable by saying the fall of man was the cause; however, will our lives change if we localize each act? Could we consider our ways more succinctly if we did?

If Adam asked for forgiveness before he laid with Eve, would Cain be a different man? If Abraham relied on God rather than speaking in fear to King, would Isaac have reacted differently as well? If Lot had not just accepted Abraham's overflow but actually picked up some of his habits as a part of his life, would his daughters have done so too? If David would have repented for sleeping with Bathsheba then tricking her husband, would he have lost his son?

The wife having a headache at the time where her husband feels like expressing affection could be a good thing. He could take that time to do some reflecting and gain some perspective on what HE has done that she doesn't know about...but God does.

When she has a headache....again, he could stop and think if he has been satisfying her. If she feels like she is loved and cherished, headaches could become a thing of the past. But if he is only out for his own pleasure and she has to get her's the best way she can, well....look for a life time of headaches to come. Woman was made for man but she wasn't made to be neglected or abused. You think its just behind closed doors? God sees you.

When the woman he married changes, the last thing he should do is complain to her about it. She may have gained 30, 50, 100 pounds but could that weight be to compensate for the baggage he brought home when he did those "boyish" things that she doesn't know about....but God does.

She might not wear the sexy clothes that she use to or talk soft and sweet anymore but she didn't have as much on her mind before she married you. As written in a post titled, A Messy Life, A Messy Wife, the change she has made is because of you. If you are the same man she agreed to marry when you proposed, you will get the wife that you remembered.

Boys Make Excuses Men Make Changes

In watching shows like COPS, JAIL (cops spin off), and Women Behind Bars, its comforting to know that the police have been doing what they were hired to do. Initially, some of the convicts could tug at the heart strings and viewers might even believe each perpetrator going through the process and tries to turn his/her situation around to be seen as a victim. How can they look so believable?

Coming fresh out of college and ready to change the world, I know I'd hear each story and find credibility with them all too. Its called being naive, gullible, immature, and easy prey. Working from the socio-economic perspective that I was placed, many clients were an act or two away from starring in one or more of the previously mentioned shows. Still, in trying to change the world, I came up against a brick wall too many times. I had a specific allotment of days with each client; therefore, I had to make the most it. After prayer and gathering all of the information, I went to work making sure each family or individual got the resources he/she needed and was equipped to meet the goals that had been discussed. I could without a doubt say that each case was well armed and at the ready to conquer whatever necessary to complete the goal. After so many months, it was required of my assignment to do a follow up to see how each case fared with the tools given. Because I was still so pleased with the vocation given to me in helping people, I couldn't see what my clients were doing. There were too many of them that found some thing to complain about (1 is 1 too many). Too many had reasons as to why they couldn't maintain where they were placed. Hardly any of them stayed the course to complete the goal they established for themselves. Still green, I would pull out the case file and go over all of the material to remind them what the prize was when finished and how important it was for their own mental health to do it. They would smile and seem to understand the words that were coming out of my mouth but their actions dictated otherwise.

Sixteen years later, I decided to make a career change because of a specific verse in the bible never made more sense to me until I could stop and consider my ways.

On one the shows previously mentioned, an inmate was about to be released. He had been a repeat offender and warned several times before landing the sentence that he just completed. As he told his story, I heard how he learned the court lingo, the correction officers jargon, and how the inmates use acronyms to communicate. In his time of lock up, he completed his GED and had a certificate from learning a trade. He said he was incarcerated at the age of 22 and he is getting out at 35. He looked hopeful and pleased with himself. His words showed that he has a bright outlook on life. In walking out of the exit he concluded with, "boys make excuses, men make changes. I won't be back. It took 13 years for me to be able to say that." He then turned from the camera to leave. As he walked away, the camera stayed on him while the narrative was from the correction officer asking him the questions in the interview, "yeah, I hope he does make it. Odds are, he won't." The released inmate turns the corner and then it fades to black. The show was over without anything to let the viewer know that he made it or any follow up. Did the optimistic ex-offender make it or did the pessimism of the corrections officer come to pass?

I made a career change after so many years of hearing adults make excuses for bad behavior. From a 38 year old woman who has been cheating the system of thousands of dollars since the age of 16 and teaching her 12 year old son to do the same to an educated woman with a good career and a broken arm contemplating on returning to her live in abusive boyfriend, it was getting to be a bit much. I wanted for them all to change and be better people. I wanted for them to get all they could from what life has to offer. I wanted more for them then they wanted for themselves and it was depressing at the discovery. They didn't teach this in any of the college course work I took.

First, the Word tells us to not to cast your pearls on swine (Matthew 7:6 AMP). Swine are animals and have no idea what to do with treasure. I didn't consider this verse very much in my work because most of my clients professed to be Christian and I used that confession in gathering resources for them. Yet, that verse began to make more sense to me when coupling it with the verse describing an immature Christian unable to eat the meat of God's word. It is the same with the optimistic inmate. He has the tools to make a better life for himself. One of the rules with a probation officer is for the ex-offender to move away from his old neighborhood and not to be seen with his old friends. It is the acquaintances that will have an ex-offender back in prison. Like an addict, he/she must stay completely away from what caused the behavior in the first place. Yet, when the inmate walked away and turned the corner, he did so shoulder to shoulder talking with another ex-offender leaving the facility.
Hebrews 5:11-13 AMP:
Concerning this we have much to say which is hard to explain, since you have become dull in your [spiritual] hearing and sluggish [even ^[a]slothful in achieving spiritual insight].

12 For even though by this time you ought to be teaching others, you actually need someone to teach you over again the very first principles of God’s Word. You have come to need milk, not solid food.

¹³ For everyone who continues to feed on milk is obviously inexperienced and unskilled in the doctrine of righteousness (of conformity to the divine will in purpose, thought, and action), for he is a mere infant [not able to talk yet]!

Appearances are deceiving. Just because he/she looks grown up and talks a good game doesn't mean that he/she is grown up. Where is the fruit? What have you done for the Lord lately? Though this entry makes a good post for Christian singles, it can also serve as to why some of us aren't where we should be. Grow up!

There's No More Sin

Would that we could live in a place where there is no more sin? Would it be that the evil acts would no longer be considered sin or that everyone walks in love and evil is passed away? The true enjoyment would be the latter.

Even if God told us (those that believe) that there is no more sin, would it be too good to be true? Would we speculate instead of believing (Romans 7:12-25 AMP)? If this could be true, do you realize Satan would be out of business? Wouldn't that be awesome if believers put Satan out of business? Recall the storms, the pain, the heartaches, the disappointments, the missed blessings, the angry words, and all of that awful humble pie. Now answer. Wouldn't it be great to put Satan out of business?

Well, it is possible and according to Jesus, using His Words not mine, "it is done."

Remember when Jesus met the woman that was about to be stoned? He told all of those who had a stone in their hand, "he who is without sin, cast the first stone." There was a pause waiting for the first person to throw a rock at this poor woman. She more then likely had her eyes closed believing that the people before her had to be better then she was. When Jesus spoke again, she probably opened her eyes to see there was no one there. Jesus asked her, "where are your accusers?" She had none. Then He said, "I don't accuse you either." Then Jesus said one of the most profound things that we should embrace as we continue to walk in the Spirit. He said, "go and sin no more (John 8:1-8 AMP)."

Because she allowed for Jesus to be her defense and her Judge, she was given grace and mercy (John 5:22-23 AMP). Her sin had been forgiven her then the instruction was made for her to do. Course, Jesus had not be crucified and resurrected yet. Would it make a difference? Of course it does. When Jesus spoke a directive to seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all of these things will be added unto you, it is the key we receive to have not only abundant life but to rid ourselves of the sin nature. The truth be known, we have no excuses for not having what He said is ours -life and to  live it abundantly!

Don't Hire The Problem

This time of year, the decision to live one sort of way or the other never seems to be more prevalent then to say yes with a resounding voice, choose life!

In this season of joy, giving, and delighting in seeing the wide eyes of the children, there are those who have either suffered a loss, dealing with trauma, or haven't sufficiently recuperated from whatever has happened in the past. Take some comfort in knowing, you aren't alone. Singles have the same issues as well and has stumbled onto a "strange' path in dealing with the matter. You can read about that here (Make It Plain Lenora).

Nevertheless, for you, the mature true believer (whether single or not), you have studied, you have prayed, you have asked God, yet you still don't have that Christmas Spirit. The solution is simple though some would think that the weight of the problem demands so much more. Its as easy as considering your ways (Psalm:119:59, Proverbs 4:26, Haggai 1:5-7 AMP)  .

Before you click over to something that's going to tickle your ears or comfort your flesh (2 Timothy 4:3 KJV), just meditate on that for a moment. There is a root to what you are going through (Matthew 15:13 KJV). If you take just a few minutes, this journey could be a profitable one (1 Corinthians 16:12 AMP).

There was a plus sized model that had been hired by the most famous modeling agency in the world. She was in high demand having fashion designers calling on a constant for her to be their shows. From New York to Milan to Paris, she was in high demand and enjoying every minute of it. then one evening as she was coming off of the runway and about to change into another outfit, she heard a fashion reporter say, "she has such a beautiful face, if only she could lose about 30 pounds everyone would want her." The comment caused her to turn to see who said it, while doing so, she lost her footing and stumbled. As she was helped up, she looked to see who it was, but there were so many people back stage, she just couldn't tell. Once changed into the new garment, the stage designer whispered to her, "smile, you look fabulous!" She thought she was smiling. When she stepped out onto the runway, the audience oohed and applauded. The designers saved their best fashions for the end  and she was always chosen to wear the best designs. Yet the model was still contending with what she still needed to do to be the best in her career - lose 30 pounds.

The point to this scenario and the title of this entry is for you to watch who you hire (Ephesians 6:18 AMP). When an employer looks to fill a position, he/she does so because there is a problem. The position was created to resolve the problem. Having that particular job available means a solution has been in place. The employer asks questions to make sure the candidate is well qualified to handle the task. He/she doesn't deliberately try to hire more problems. The well qualified candidate might find other things that can be improved upon and has the solution for that as well. Being highly qualified is an asset to the company and an excellent fit for a long term employee (Matthew 7:18 AMP).

In the perspective of us as individuals, we do hire and fire as well. The comments we hear can be constructive or devastating. Construction is an action word meaning to build and make strong. Devastation is just the opposite. Like an employer, you have the task to hire that which is edifying, exhorting, or comforting (construction). The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy (devastation).

Parents can say some things that aren't always profitable for you, yet you might think, because they are your parents, you have to honor them (Mark 7:10 AMP). We don't choose our parents, we do choose what to think and do (Philippians 4:8 AMP). God is good. Best friends are there because of common interests that surpass any similarities with anyone else. Even so, not being raised in the same family does create a difference and at times can be challenging; yet there is a friend closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24 AMP. When you look in the mirror, what do you see? You have a choice to have a good day or not. What do you say to yourself to seal your 24 hours will look like? Will the day be progressive or destructive.

The model in the scenario was already in high demand. She was doing more then the models who are the ideal weight and dress size. She was setting a trend and getting the entire fashion industry to take notice, but still one comment could have it all destroyed in a matter of weeks, days, or hours. If she hired that comment to be her truth, all she would have left is the memory with more photographs then she would know what to do with. It would be a portfolio to keep reminding herself, what could have been or how much she lost. Regret (Proverbs 10:22 AMP).

God says you are fearfully made, more than a conqueror, and able to do all things. He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5 KJV). Goodness and mercy follow you (Psalm 23:6 KJV) . The Holy Spirit leads and guides you (John 16:13 KJV). Jesus is your Defense, Judge, Salvation, Deliverer, and Lord. Is there a better list of qualifications? Who else is more equipped to do the job? Who have you been hiring? What's been your truth? If you are being honest, we have found the root we previously discussed. Now rejoice and ....Have a Merry Christmas!

Who Signs Up For This?

I write a separate blog for Christian singles for purposes of teaching messages that aren't readily heard over the pulpit. It is to tell the younger generation a couple of things that aren't usually thought of or expected. I have tried to understand why the older generation keeps such crucial information to themselves when we all hope that the next generation has much more success then the previous one - or at least, we are supposed to be thinking this way (Titus 2:3-5 AMP). Is it more amusing to see such young people crash and burn then to see them at peace with all that they have been blessed with? I try to understand why. The only answer I can come up with is - jealousy. If you have a better answer as to why you haven't taught anyone anything - I will make the retraction.

It has to be true in every believer's life, where we have looked around at all that we have been through and can still say that I am standing and still on fire for Christ. But then upon closer scrutiny, maintaining the stance doesn't seem like the victory that it was supposed to be (Romans 12:11 AMP). As you struggled through to get to the calling you know you are destined to do, sinners right and left are making what seems the abundance that is supposed to be yours (Colossians 3:5-6 AMP). While you drive the hoop-dee, Pimp Daddy laughs at you cruising in his Lexus. While your trying to put some pennies together to purchase laundry detergent, the neighbors who aren't thinking about God just came home with bags and bags of designer clothes and shoes. While you look at the spouse you married believing marital life was one thing but the rolls of fat or receding hair line is clearly telling you otherwise and a co-worker with a Cabala red string just came back from a European holiday with his live in girl friend. You just have to ask, what the bleepity-bleep-bleep is going on (Galatians 5:19-21 AMP)?

The subject matter for this entry has much to do with marital life. Its the look on the spouse's face after finding some disgusting habit that he/she never saw while dating. Its the expression of seeing the spouse as some sort of stranger. For some it happens within a few weeks, for others, it not only takes years but also seeing single life as the treasure once had and should have kept.

The institution of marriage is a wonderful thing (Hebrews 13:4 AMP). The sanctity of that union is something that all single people who believe Jesus is Lord aspire to obtain. The issue which draws me to write is the rush of getting that sanctity by any means necessary. When all of the fairy dust is cleared, the wedding favors have been taken or tossed, the bridal gown is put away once and for all, and the attention is resumed on the factors of life - promises vowed are expected to be upheld. That expectation is stressful to those immature not quite ready for absolute monogamy. Seeing skid marks in underwear, having to see your bride shave her armpits, or sitting on the toilet certainly ruins the mystique. If ever wondering why one wishes to maintain a certain sense of privacy, you now have the answer.

While the things aforementioned doesn't seem too big to discuss right now, when going through them, it is all one can think about until something bigger comes along. Which is what I am trying to get to. Originally, I thought I would never think about marriage again. I had been through it and wasn't looking forward to getting back into it. In fact, I made a promise to God when the papers were signed and all things were finalized, I would never do such a thing to myself ever again. I did mean that, much like I meant once I had my last child, I wasn't going to have anymore. But then in reading the Word of God and realizing why women were created, it would be selfish for any woman to make the resounding statement never, ever walking down the aisle of matrimony. Why selfish? Because woman was created for man (1 Corinthians 11:8-9 AMP). If she refuses to do what she is created for, she is going against her purpose. She would then be in opposition to God.

Then one sees where marriage has been going in the last 20 years. It isn't something hopeful to be apart of. Initially, we all think that our marriage is going to be different from everyone else's but most certainly those people having experiences in divorce court believed the same thing at one time or another. Just like a vegetable garden, the marriage has to be worked on so not to be over run by weeds, small animals stealing a meal, over growth of the vegetables, and insect infestation. When Adam was given the garden to tend, it served 3 fold. Adam had something to do, he was developing habits to continue to do, and could see if he slacked off from doing what was needed, something or someone else could come in and take over. This is marriage and the man's responsibility to maintain - or at least initiate the maintenance of it.

Women must see what he is doing before accepting a date much less his proposal. He has to have something to do and is maintaining it. If she is desperate to marry and doesn't see certain matters already in place, she will be the one doing it all. This has happened over and over again. She is exhausted, with children, and doesn't look anything like she did when he first took her "off the market." She becomes resentful and bitter towards him. He doesn't know what has happened to her and why she is angry all of the time. What he will say that destroys the marriage is that she changed. That would not be true entirely and most of the time, he knows it. He changed her because of what he didn't do but promised to when they exchanged vows.

I have a theory about May/December romances. I believe a man gets such the younger woman so she won't realize what the women his age already knows. It is why the men in the ministry I use to attend would go elsewhere to find their brides. They knew that the pastor informed the women of the church certain things that they needed to look for in a man. If he did not have those things, not to give him the time of day. The pastor expounded on a wealth of information, having been a conformed "wolf" himself, according to him. He saw the women of that ministry as his little sisters. It was touching and appreciated, yet the appreciation was short lived because there were marriages going on in the ministry but not to the women that had been in attendance for many years waiting. The wait served as temptation to dummy down for the men and pretend not to know what has been taught to them or continue to wait and past the test. The deception was seed sown to be harvested once the marriage had taken place. Again, bitterness and resentment would be the product of such seed.

In scripture, I was reading of other marriages that did not have the happy endings that is originally thought of when the exchanging nuptials come about. Nabal was an evil man as considered by David (1 Samuel 25:5-32 AMP). He was wealthy enough to give to David's troops after battle but didn't see how he had to be the one to loose his possessions for the sake of men that had done nothing for him. David was ready to drive his sword through this man for having such an attitude. But if it weren't for his wife, Abigail, to run and save her husband from his mouth, she would have been a widow sooner than expected.

Job was on his own having an offering fest for sins that no one confessed to him. How upset could his wife have been losing all of her children and everything she had helped to build with this man? She didn't know what he had done. She was over wrought. Why else would she have told him to do what she did (Job 2:9 AMP)?

How about Queen Vashti? She was minding her own business while her husband the King had declared a 6 month party of drinking wine. No one was drinking but him when he called for his wife. Why wouldn't she go to him? Was it because that is all the King would do is party and drink? Could she have been tired? When she didn't go to him, was it disturbing to him or did it become disturbing when he received the advice from a bunch of princes? After their advice, the Queen was dismissed. She received a bill of divorce. How surprising could that have been (Esther 1:1-20 AMP)?

When we marry, do we do so with blinders on? Are we so in love with being in love or with being married or with having guilt free sex, or with the financial benefits that come with marriage so much so we don't see the hearts of those we marry? The Word tells us that man sees the outward appearance but God sees the heart of man. He tests the hearts of men. With Him being the greater one on the inside of us, do we really have an excuse or surprised at what our mates will do over the years? God tested each and everyone of us. Many of those tests were given while we were going through the dating process, if we are being honest with ourselves.

In reading the testaments from the scriptures, we must be able to see that in sowing good seed there has to be a good product. God said that with every seed of its own kind, will produce that product of that seed (Genesis 1:12 AMP). If love is sown, love is given. If peace is sown, peace is given, If kindness is sown, kindness is given. What choices have you made? It is written, God said for man to be fruitful and multiply. While for years believers  thought this to mean procreation, being under the new dispensation, why not think in terms of the fruit of the Holy Spirit? If we multiply that, how pleased would God be with us?

What Is A Husband?

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post entitled, What Is A Wife? This would be the answer for what the women would like to know. There is balance in all things in Christ.

Most women have this image of what we would like for our husbands to be. If our biological fathers were wonderful in our childhood, the imagination doesn't have to go far. The only difference is along with that perfect personality it would be nice if only he doesn't wear his socks to bed, has washboard abs, a 6 figure income and enjoys it when his wife spends his money. I know, I know, then we have to grow up incorporate the Word and get real about the matter (Romans 12:2 AMP). Its the last part that many of us find difficult - the getting real part.

Getting real for some, especially if the wait is longer then anyone would have expected, is to settle and be flexible in not getting what we were hoping for. This isn't something I am guessing at but have seen, have done it myself, and have asked questions for the answers to be just what I wrote - settle. When making that decision to settle, it is because some other thought caused the original thinking process to change. The thought being that it is impossible to hope to gain such a person. It is the knight in shining armor, the gentleman that will not only be the ideal husband and father but will cause you to be the envy of all of the church ladies who married beneath them (Jeremiah 17:7 AMP). It is the not having to deal with flicked boogers, scratching himself in front of people, ear hair, belching, passing gas without  regard to whomever else is in the room, and so many other things men go through when they leave their 20's and 30's. I know, it isn't a pleasant thought; nevertheless, its better then being a spinster - right? Well, it is the end result in some of the thought processes with leaving the original hope that we can have all things too.

Why did you change from hoping for the best? Is it because of where you live? Is it because your environment is conducive of not creating men as described above? Is it because you don't feel you are worthy of better? Is it because you have been told it is better to marry then to be the age you are without a husband or children? Is the person you are with not someone who you are particularly attracted to? Have you already settled for Mr. Right Now? Is it too late to make the wrong right?

First, let's get some things straight about the original thought you had with the knight in shining armor or the wonderful characteristics you were hoping for. Remember when Jesus said that we should have the faith of a child (Matthew 18:2-4 AMP). It is because children only have innocent intent. Their thoughts are not bamboozled with negative words. Many times children have hopes that they keep to themselves because they would like to keep those hopes. Recall what happened to Joseph when he told his brothers what he had dreamt. His flesh and blood sought for his demise (Genesis 37:11-18 AMP)! Jesus also told the adults that it would be better for a millstone to be put around the neck of the person that offended the little ones and be thrown into the sea (Matthew 18:6 AMP). Why? Because the thoughts and faith of a child is what God has put in them. It is their vision, their hope of what they can have if they are diligent (Hebrews 11:6 AMP). Children know nothing of prejudice, hate, and malice unless taught by an adult. Keep your original hope alive and live it through all the way until the end no matter what has been told to you.

A minister assumed that I was interested in a particular man. I never said anything to him. Yet he took it upon himself to preach to me about who and what I am and if I am worthy of this man's interest. I wondered who did he think he was for telling me such things. He even got personal into what I looked like and if I could ever be worthy of this particular man's interest. I found the whole thing fascinating. Because I never spoke to this man or the minister in the first place, I never had to defend myself. I allowed God to be who He is (the Author and Finisher of my faith) and watched the show. Both individuals are no longer a part of the ministry where I was attending. That was God getting His revenge and it was so much sweeter then anything I could have ever done (Romans 12:19 AMP)!

I did learn from that experience. For the longest time I thought I had to be a certain sort in order for me to meet that sort of man. Yet Ruth was a Moabite and came to a place with her mother-in-law, Naomi, to meet Boaz (Ruth 1:22 AMP). Boaz was the wealthiest man in the area. Ruth had nothing. Esther came with her Uncle to enter a pageant to see who was it that would be chosen to be the King's new queen. Esther wasn't a queen herself until she was chosen to be (Esther 2:7 AMP). The minister preaching said that the man he assumed I was interested in was a prince among men. Then he compared who he thought I was to what he thought this man to be. He had no right. He didn't know me. He was dealing with his own insecurities and using me as his scapegoat. God showed him otherwise though.

In the dating process, there will be all sorts of men that will say whatever they can to gain your interest. He might be the knight in shining armor or a wolf in sheep's clothing. It is up to you to have your artillery at the ready (Ephesians 6:11 AMP). You have to be prayed up. In everything you do acknowledge Him. When you wake thank Him for the day and pray for what you would like to happen in the day. It might be such a small thing but faith starts off small too. Once you make this a habit, watch and see how God will change the course of your life and put you in an environment that is rich with all you need to gain all you had hoped for - originally. Pray for those that put those negative thoughts in your mind (Luke 6:28 AMP). Remember the verse about the millstone? Pray.

Finally, there is a verse that perfectly describes what a husband is. Most pastors don't preach this message (well, none that I have heard in the 30 plus years that I have been attending church services) much. I believe it is because they would have to answer to it themselves. Nevertheless, it doesn't make it not true. He must love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave His life up for her (Ephesians 5:25 AMP). This is a powerful statement. It says so much in one sentence. Is there such a man that can do what Jesus did for the church? If he didn't have the ability, God would have never put the verse in scripture. He (as well as you) can do all things through Christ which strengthens you (Philippians 4:13 AMP).

Let's make it a visual: If you meet this wonderful man and he has a good career and has established himself in the company where he is but you were given a wonderful opportunity in another part of the country, would he leave his job and go where you need to be? Or would he expect for you to leave the opportunity that you have to stay where he is? Here's another visual: If a man you are engaged to gets an inheritance of 6 figures and is thinking it would be to his best interest to have you sign a pre-nuptial agreement, do you think he had this epiphany from God or from his own mind and are you in agreement with what he suggests? The last visual: If while the two of you were dating and both of you were working at places that you both enjoyed, when you got married he decides that he would like for you to be a stay at home wife. Something neither of you discussed while dating. If it is upsetting to you, should he still expect for you to be at home? Yet these things have happened in the lives of married couples. The woman believes it is her duty to compromise every single time for her to be the help that her role is, yet, the man has not compromised anything. He is the head of her and expects what he wants. She is to be submissive to him and to do as he wishes. There is no compromise, yet the woman compromised with her original aspirations to marry such the man. Inner turmoil begins in such a union and spawns into something else that is not favorable (James 1:20 AMP).

The Word says that he who can find a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22 AMP). He would then have to make a search. Unfortunately, this has been preached to look at the outward appearance. Being under a new dispensation in Christ, we have to look deeper into that verse to see that he would have to find the wife from within. Does she have a heart to be a wife? If he finds such a woman, then he obtains favor from the Lord. He would have to rely on God for that. In so doing, he has favor. He doesn't get the favor unless he can do those things. Therefore, it would be in your best interest to note what he is asking and what he expects. If he cannot give up anything for you, then he is telling you the love for you is not there. He loves himself more then you (2 Timothy 3 AMP). There is no settling in that believing he will change eventually when you marry him.

Here's another visual: Whatever a man considers to be a part of his livelihood is what he has become comfortable with. He planned  for it. He worked for it. He is content with it. If it is compromised, he will do whatever is necessary to maintain to keep it. Enters a woman he hopes to be his wife. Which is more important? Would he give up his livelihood for this woman? He will obtain favor from the Lord with her. Does he already have favor from the Lord? How could he without a wife? Does he wish to obtain favor from the Lord? Would he give up his livelihood for that favor?

These would be interesting date questions. It is actually what the Lord asked the rich young ruler (Matthew 19:16-26 AMP). Look what happened to him. What kind of husband do you think he would have made? Selah.

Make Up Your Mind!

I have joined several Christian groups on Facebook and for the most part, I check in to see if there is an interesting conversation or question posed. Most of the groups aren't doing anything but compiling members. One or two have some finding scripture, posting it, and then waiting to see how many "likes" they receive. I give the groups a few months to see what comes of them, I even ask a question to see if there are any responses. Without a response and seeing how old my question gets, determines how long  I remain a member.

On one of the groups, my questions are rarely ignored. I asked one concerning my sister. She asked me for some advice but when I gave it to her, she became annoyed stating, "I didn't ask for a minister, I asked my sister. Why can't you talk like a normal person?" I was shocked to say the least. Treading on eggshells, I replied, "that's what I would say to anyone who asked me the same thing even if they wanted to know what I would do in the same situation." That response upset her even more.

The questions asked in the various Christian groups seem to also be a slippery slope. Those asking may not be Christian yet they choose a Christian venue to get answers. I was reading some of the questions asked and tried not to answer them. I read some of the answers, most of which were actually good yet others needed another question to explain what they were referring to. I posed the question about my sister on the site knowing that there would be a lot of readers and only the select few would venture to answer. Again, surprise is what I got when someone agreed with my sister.

Its not that I can't take criticism, I welcome it through introspection so I can be what God calls me to be (Proverbs 4:26 AMP). However, if you can dish it out, be ready for the questions that come right after so I can have a complete understanding of the critique (Proverbs 4:7 KJV). The "middle of the road" philosophy has been spotted with other associates of mine. In conversation, I noticed that certain behaviors can be overlooked and holy is used as the band-aid to cover rather then changing the behavior. For instance, we all know fornication is wrong in the sight of God; yet, if the relationship is headed toward marriage anyway, then....well, it'll be alright (1 Corinthians 6:18 KJV). Really? This sort of thinking is often without correction and considered socially acceptable. When did societal norms become acceptable in the church (Romans 12:2 AMP)?

A married minister was leading the congregants in prayer. Before the actual prayer, he caught the eye of one of the single ladies and winked at her. The Senior Pastor was told. He said, "well Minister Such and So has come a long way from where he used to be in that other ministry. It was just a wink." Services continued without a hic-cup, a dismissal, or a reprimand - nothing. Later, that same single lady was caught with other married men in the same ministry.

In finally reading some of the answers to my question and answering questions in their comments, one of the answers was what got me to write this post. To paraphrase what was written by one of the members: We all can write  a religious answer but lets just be real for once. What does that mean?

Religion is obtaining the textbook knowledge and using it as lip service. When you can use that knowledge and believe it for practical application in your life - that's Kingdom Living. Its obtaining the truth, retaining it, and living it. Answering questions with God in mind so He can be pleased (1 John 3:22 KJV).

When I talk, it is just the same as how I write (Colossians 4:6 AMP). When reading this blog, I try my best to make it easy and simple to understand (Proverbs 23:23 AMP). The foundation of the ideas is in the parenthesis with the Word highlighted and linked to the text so the reader will see I am using the only truth that faith filled believers have. We are to be like Christ, hence the name Christ-ians! How more real can that be?