What Is A Husband?

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post entitled, What Is A Wife? This would be the answer for what the women would like to know. There is balance in all things in Christ.

Most women have this image of what we would like for our husbands to be. If our biological fathers were wonderful in our childhood, the imagination doesn't have to go far. The only difference is along with that perfect personality it would be nice if only he doesn't wear his socks to bed, has washboard abs, a 6 figure income and enjoys it when his wife spends his money. I know, I know, then we have to grow up incorporate the Word and get real about the matter (Romans 12:2 AMP). Its the last part that many of us find difficult - the getting real part.

Getting real for some, especially if the wait is longer then anyone would have expected, is to settle and be flexible in not getting what we were hoping for. This isn't something I am guessing at but have seen, have done it myself, and have asked questions for the answers to be just what I wrote - settle. When making that decision to settle, it is because some other thought caused the original thinking process to change. The thought being that it is impossible to hope to gain such a person. It is the knight in shining armor, the gentleman that will not only be the ideal husband and father but will cause you to be the envy of all of the church ladies who married beneath them (Jeremiah 17:7 AMP). It is the not having to deal with flicked boogers, scratching himself in front of people, ear hair, belching, passing gas without  regard to whomever else is in the room, and so many other things men go through when they leave their 20's and 30's. I know, it isn't a pleasant thought; nevertheless, its better then being a spinster - right? Well, it is the end result in some of the thought processes with leaving the original hope that we can have all things too.

Why did you change from hoping for the best? Is it because of where you live? Is it because your environment is conducive of not creating men as described above? Is it because you don't feel you are worthy of better? Is it because you have been told it is better to marry then to be the age you are without a husband or children? Is the person you are with not someone who you are particularly attracted to? Have you already settled for Mr. Right Now? Is it too late to make the wrong right?

First, let's get some things straight about the original thought you had with the knight in shining armor or the wonderful characteristics you were hoping for. Remember when Jesus said that we should have the faith of a child (Matthew 18:2-4 AMP). It is because children only have innocent intent. Their thoughts are not bamboozled with negative words. Many times children have hopes that they keep to themselves because they would like to keep those hopes. Recall what happened to Joseph when he told his brothers what he had dreamt. His flesh and blood sought for his demise (Genesis 37:11-18 AMP)! Jesus also told the adults that it would be better for a millstone to be put around the neck of the person that offended the little ones and be thrown into the sea (Matthew 18:6 AMP). Why? Because the thoughts and faith of a child is what God has put in them. It is their vision, their hope of what they can have if they are diligent (Hebrews 11:6 AMP). Children know nothing of prejudice, hate, and malice unless taught by an adult. Keep your original hope alive and live it through all the way until the end no matter what has been told to you.

A minister assumed that I was interested in a particular man. I never said anything to him. Yet he took it upon himself to preach to me about who and what I am and if I am worthy of this man's interest. I wondered who did he think he was for telling me such things. He even got personal into what I looked like and if I could ever be worthy of this particular man's interest. I found the whole thing fascinating. Because I never spoke to this man or the minister in the first place, I never had to defend myself. I allowed God to be who He is (the Author and Finisher of my faith) and watched the show. Both individuals are no longer a part of the ministry where I was attending. That was God getting His revenge and it was so much sweeter then anything I could have ever done (Romans 12:19 AMP)!

I did learn from that experience. For the longest time I thought I had to be a certain sort in order for me to meet that sort of man. Yet Ruth was a Moabite and came to a place with her mother-in-law, Naomi, to meet Boaz (Ruth 1:22 AMP). Boaz was the wealthiest man in the area. Ruth had nothing. Esther came with her Uncle to enter a pageant to see who was it that would be chosen to be the King's new queen. Esther wasn't a queen herself until she was chosen to be (Esther 2:7 AMP). The minister preaching said that the man he assumed I was interested in was a prince among men. Then he compared who he thought I was to what he thought this man to be. He had no right. He didn't know me. He was dealing with his own insecurities and using me as his scapegoat. God showed him otherwise though.

In the dating process, there will be all sorts of men that will say whatever they can to gain your interest. He might be the knight in shining armor or a wolf in sheep's clothing. It is up to you to have your artillery at the ready (Ephesians 6:11 AMP). You have to be prayed up. In everything you do acknowledge Him. When you wake thank Him for the day and pray for what you would like to happen in the day. It might be such a small thing but faith starts off small too. Once you make this a habit, watch and see how God will change the course of your life and put you in an environment that is rich with all you need to gain all you had hoped for - originally. Pray for those that put those negative thoughts in your mind (Luke 6:28 AMP). Remember the verse about the millstone? Pray.

Finally, there is a verse that perfectly describes what a husband is. Most pastors don't preach this message (well, none that I have heard in the 30 plus years that I have been attending church services) much. I believe it is because they would have to answer to it themselves. Nevertheless, it doesn't make it not true. He must love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave His life up for her (Ephesians 5:25 AMP). This is a powerful statement. It says so much in one sentence. Is there such a man that can do what Jesus did for the church? If he didn't have the ability, God would have never put the verse in scripture. He (as well as you) can do all things through Christ which strengthens you (Philippians 4:13 AMP).

Let's make it a visual: If you meet this wonderful man and he has a good career and has established himself in the company where he is but you were given a wonderful opportunity in another part of the country, would he leave his job and go where you need to be? Or would he expect for you to leave the opportunity that you have to stay where he is? Here's another visual: If a man you are engaged to gets an inheritance of 6 figures and is thinking it would be to his best interest to have you sign a pre-nuptial agreement, do you think he had this epiphany from God or from his own mind and are you in agreement with what he suggests? The last visual: If while the two of you were dating and both of you were working at places that you both enjoyed, when you got married he decides that he would like for you to be a stay at home wife. Something neither of you discussed while dating. If it is upsetting to you, should he still expect for you to be at home? Yet these things have happened in the lives of married couples. The woman believes it is her duty to compromise every single time for her to be the help that her role is, yet, the man has not compromised anything. He is the head of her and expects what he wants. She is to be submissive to him and to do as he wishes. There is no compromise, yet the woman compromised with her original aspirations to marry such the man. Inner turmoil begins in such a union and spawns into something else that is not favorable (James 1:20 AMP).

The Word says that he who can find a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22 AMP). He would then have to make a search. Unfortunately, this has been preached to look at the outward appearance. Being under a new dispensation in Christ, we have to look deeper into that verse to see that he would have to find the wife from within. Does she have a heart to be a wife? If he finds such a woman, then he obtains favor from the Lord. He would have to rely on God for that. In so doing, he has favor. He doesn't get the favor unless he can do those things. Therefore, it would be in your best interest to note what he is asking and what he expects. If he cannot give up anything for you, then he is telling you the love for you is not there. He loves himself more then you (2 Timothy 3 AMP). There is no settling in that believing he will change eventually when you marry him.

Here's another visual: Whatever a man considers to be a part of his livelihood is what he has become comfortable with. He planned  for it. He worked for it. He is content with it. If it is compromised, he will do whatever is necessary to maintain to keep it. Enters a woman he hopes to be his wife. Which is more important? Would he give up his livelihood for this woman? He will obtain favor from the Lord with her. Does he already have favor from the Lord? How could he without a wife? Does he wish to obtain favor from the Lord? Would he give up his livelihood for that favor?

These would be interesting date questions. It is actually what the Lord asked the rich young ruler (Matthew 19:16-26 AMP). Look what happened to him. What kind of husband do you think he would have made? Selah.

Make Up Your Mind!

I have joined several Christian groups on Facebook and for the most part, I check in to see if there is an interesting conversation or question posed. Most of the groups aren't doing anything but compiling members. One or two have some finding scripture, posting it, and then waiting to see how many "likes" they receive. I give the groups a few months to see what comes of them, I even ask a question to see if there are any responses. Without a response and seeing how old my question gets, determines how long  I remain a member.

On one of the groups, my questions are rarely ignored. I asked one concerning my sister. She asked me for some advice but when I gave it to her, she became annoyed stating, "I didn't ask for a minister, I asked my sister. Why can't you talk like a normal person?" I was shocked to say the least. Treading on eggshells, I replied, "that's what I would say to anyone who asked me the same thing even if they wanted to know what I would do in the same situation." That response upset her even more.

The questions asked in the various Christian groups seem to also be a slippery slope. Those asking may not be Christian yet they choose a Christian venue to get answers. I was reading some of the questions asked and tried not to answer them. I read some of the answers, most of which were actually good yet others needed another question to explain what they were referring to. I posed the question about my sister on the site knowing that there would be a lot of readers and only the select few would venture to answer. Again, surprise is what I got when someone agreed with my sister.

Its not that I can't take criticism, I welcome it through introspection so I can be what God calls me to be (Proverbs 4:26 AMP). However, if you can dish it out, be ready for the questions that come right after so I can have a complete understanding of the critique (Proverbs 4:7 KJV). The "middle of the road" philosophy has been spotted with other associates of mine. In conversation, I noticed that certain behaviors can be overlooked and holy is used as the band-aid to cover rather then changing the behavior. For instance, we all know fornication is wrong in the sight of God; yet, if the relationship is headed toward marriage anyway, then....well, it'll be alright (1 Corinthians 6:18 KJV). Really? This sort of thinking is often without correction and considered socially acceptable. When did societal norms become acceptable in the church (Romans 12:2 AMP)?

A married minister was leading the congregants in prayer. Before the actual prayer, he caught the eye of one of the single ladies and winked at her. The Senior Pastor was told. He said, "well Minister Such and So has come a long way from where he used to be in that other ministry. It was just a wink." Services continued without a hic-cup, a dismissal, or a reprimand - nothing. Later, that same single lady was caught with other married men in the same ministry.

In finally reading some of the answers to my question and answering questions in their comments, one of the answers was what got me to write this post. To paraphrase what was written by one of the members: We all can write  a religious answer but lets just be real for once. What does that mean?

Religion is obtaining the textbook knowledge and using it as lip service. When you can use that knowledge and believe it for practical application in your life - that's Kingdom Living. Its obtaining the truth, retaining it, and living it. Answering questions with God in mind so He can be pleased (1 John 3:22 KJV).

When I talk, it is just the same as how I write (Colossians 4:6 AMP). When reading this blog, I try my best to make it easy and simple to understand (Proverbs 23:23 AMP). The foundation of the ideas is in the parenthesis with the Word highlighted and linked to the text so the reader will see I am using the only truth that faith filled believers have. We are to be like Christ, hence the name Christ-ians! How more real can that be?

Cheaters!

You know who you are! You have been this way for quite sometime. Yes, you did the acceptable thing in Christian circles by going to the altar so all could see you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal Savior, but only you and God see how you really were then and now as you read this post (Romans 12:2 AMP).

As you looked around the church and see how many members conduct themselves, what were you thinking (Luke 6:45 AMP)? Did you really wish to be more like them in Christ, or did you just need one of them in your household so you could continue on in your dirt but be considered clean because of who you married (1 Corinthians 7:13-17 AMP)? Why aren't you ashamed yet? Look at what you have done to make that innocent person miserable? Does it matter to you? Has it ever mattered?

If not, you need to know something: just as real as God is to the people you decided to infiltrate, He will become real to you. He is good and His goodness continues as a Father. Would that you could be shielded by the one person you married. What if the one person you married called on Him for help? Shall I pray for mercy and grace upon your soul (1 Timothy 2:3 AMP)? Idk...I detest cheaters so.

Why? because if you cheat, you'll lie. If you'll lie, you will steal. If you steal, you will kill (John 8:44 AMP). All of these actions are the characteristics of the enemy (John 10:10 KJV). Entertainment of the these fruits is the same as the personality of sinners. Who do you think you are fooling (Galatians 6:7 AMP)?

Marriage: The Mirror Image

The common quote that is said amongst the Christian circles is, those that are single wish to be married and those that are married wish to be single again. Instead of tongue and cheeking it, why not look into the reason why anyone would say such a thing. First, was the person saying it as being married or single? Did he/she believe that to be true? If so, what is the plan for the rest of his/her life?

It has to be the eternity thing that has people saying the strangest things having nothing to do with Christianity. The Word tells us to be content in whatever state you are in (Philippians 4:11 KJV). Is speaking about the opposite of your marital status being content? It doesn't sound like it to the listener.

I was talking to a man who looked to be in his late 30's to early 40's. He is a married man and says that he is a Christian yet how he thinks is baffling. He told me that the internet has saved many marriages though, at the time, he didn't wish to be specific. I knew what he meant but really needed him to say it. eventually, he did so with guilt and shame. His salvation of marriage claim is porn. His reasoning comes from believing the 3 things most important to women and the 3 things most important to men. According to him, for women the 3 things are: security, family, and maybe sex. For men, according to him: sex, money, and if needing a third thing it would be children. I continued to listen to him as he made sweeping generalizations of what he believes women are thinking as opposed to men. I asked him if he and his wife had different perspectives why did he marry her? He used the analogy of starvation and sex to answer my question. This, I have heard before and is still no less comical to think of, especially from those calling themselves Christian. Nevertheless, when deciding to act on passions created without discipline, clarity is what is being sacrificed. The fog lifts when marital habits are put in place. Differences that should have been seen while dating are clearly defined in a marriage (1 Corinthians 7:28-36 AMP). Matters easily resolved by continuing the dating process are now much more difficult with vows professed in the presence of God, family, and friends. Because of these opposing matters, his resolve is pornography. With the admission of weakness, pornography only exacerbates any underlying unresolved issues. In other words, giving the enemy a place to do what he does (Ephesians 4:27 KJV). The enemy has only one job and is only terminated from it when the true believer gains new information from the Word (John 10:10 KJV).

In another entry on a different blog to Christian singles, I wrote about a co-worker coming into the realization of man being at fault for the state of the world. Men don't like to hear this, yet they know it is true. It wasn't unusual to hear men trying to defend their position and place blame on women or whomever else comes to mind; however, when I drive the conversation back to the Word, they almost look disappointed no matter the maturity level of faith what cannot be skirted is men was created first. He is the head of the house hold and the head of the woman. If he doesn't like what is going on - he can change it (Genesis 1:26 KJV). If he doesn't do anything about it, he can only blame himself (Mark 11:23 KJV).

With these things in mind, I asked this man who claims the salvation to marriage is porn, "why not tell your wife what you do?" His expression at that question was as if I asked it in Swahili. "I would never tell her that", he said. I didn't continue to ask him anything else about the matter. Whether he knew it or not, he just made drastic changes in his marriage. Its not only the pornography but the secrecy about it that will bring him a harvest he will definitely not like. God is not mocked; whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap (Galatians 6:7 KJV). Seeing that he has sown this seed, what is his wife doing?

Who Gets You In Trouble?

I have listened to many ministers online, on television, on radio, and on tape (DVD and CD). I have been disappointed at some of the messages I have heard and have wondered why a minister that is supposed to be thoroughly knowledgeable in the scriptures, see the change in men because of the Word; and will still say things that have no reference to scripture. The truth as we know it is in the Word. Why would any pastor, preacher, minister, apostle, prophet, teacher, or evangelist speak anything different from what the Word tells us to do (John 17:17 AMP)? It makes no sense to me especially after the successful speaker has established a large following. That large following is there because of his/her initial belief in the truth. Any deviation from the Word will eliminate the large following. God is not mocked. God is good (Matthew 19:17 AMP).

This morning I turned the television on to listen to a pastor that I have heard time and time again. Usually most of the pastors that have had a television program like to use a by-line to grab the attention of the listener before he/she contemplates turning the channel. It is a marketing strategy that is used in most media. The thing is, the attention grabber has to be something that cannot be the same for the unbeliever that spotted the headlines of a newspaper. In the gospel media, no matter what the intent, the attention grabber has to be within the scope of the Word, otherwise it is deceptive. Deception is the definition of a lie. God has nothing to do with that (1 John 1:5 AMP). This morning the attention grabber was, "doing God's will doesn't mean you won't have trouble." He continued to expound on the trouble rather than God's will (1 John 2:16-17 AMP). Because of what I know in Christ, the speaker lost my attention. This was my second (or more) chance I gave to this speaker. A few days ago in trying to catch this speaker's program I heard a portion of the message: "the devil wants you to believe...." and then he expounded on the devil's wants rather than the will of God. Again, the speaker lost my attention and I either switched the channel or turned the television off disappointed with the lessons.

From that disappointment I thought about the listeners in the congregation, on the internet, and those that download messages to hear over and over again believing it to be the truth (James 5:19-20 AMP). There were, no doubt, steps to take to continue on in such denial of what the Lord says to do (Luke 6:46 AMP). First, when hearing something any clergy says, it must be positive and in the direction of the life that the Lord came to give us all (John 10:10 AMP). Listen to what is being emphasized. If it sounds more like the embers to a pity party rather than the supplies to an all day victory celebration, you must make the decision if it is in your best interest to stay in that ministry.

Second, if any speaker starts speaking about the devil, his antics on what he can do, and the fear that comes with those antics, please listen for the balance in that message. Know that the devil doesn't do anything that he isn't directed to do (Job 1:7-10 AMP). The devil cannot come unless there has been disobedience somewhere. The devil cannot disrupt the guidance of the Holy Spirit. The devil cannot infiltrate the anointing (Acts 10:38 AMP). The enemy is the enemy because of righteousness. The opposite of righteousness is unrighteousness. Confess your faults and righteousness is resumed (1 John 3:8 AMP). This is what must be stressed over and over again. Enough with the devil already (James 5:13-16 AMP)!

Finally, doing God's will maintains peace. He is a good god and would not have you to perish. He would that all men come into the knowledge of the truth. Why? Because it would be to the benefit of all men (2 Peter 3:9 AMP). If a speaker tells you that he/she will have trouble in listening to God, why then would anyone wish to be Christian? How would an unbeliever then wish to hear anymore that is being said? The truth is, if one experiences trouble when he/she is doing all that he/she knows how to do in Christ, the trouble experienced isn't trouble at all but the flesh trying to resurrect (John 6:63 AMP). If you recall in the Old Testament, Jonah was swallowed by a whale because he refused the will of God. Jonah wished do his own will. Another familiar book is with Sampson. He was blessed of God. When he stopped listening to the instruction of his parents, his troubles began. He found honey in a carcass and ate it also offered the honey to his parents. He then told the secret of his strength; as a result, he was held as prisoner and was made blind. With this same topic, we cannot forget Joseph. Joseph carried the blessing of God with him, how different or free from trouble would his life been if he kept the intimate details of what God gave him to himself? From being left for dead to being accused of rape, Joseph had trouble along with Jonah and Sampson. Was that because of God's will or their own will?

God gives us instruction to do what is good and acceptable in His sight. In being a man-pleaser, we open ourselves for trouble to come. Man might give that temporary praise but is the one who created man pleased? Will there be consequences for that action. The Word tells us that there is (Ephesians 5:6-17 AMP).

With sound instruction comes maturity. Maturity is a process as a baby learning how to walk. The baby falls now and again but never gets to the point of not wanting to continue. The bumps and falls along the way are necessary lessons learned even at that age into what not to do. The baby has a goal to stand upright and walk without falling. He/she wishes to hold his/her head up and be upright. Once the practice of walking is secure, the baby is no longer called a baby but a toddler. He/she doesn't wait to learn that walking is just the beginning. Running is the next level. Most toddlers are not satisfied until that level of running is met as well. These stages of natural development is also seen spiritually.

Spiritually, our baby steps are the 10 Commandments. We learn them and then tests come for us to apply what has been learned. God becomes real to us all when we pass the test (1 Thessalonians 2:4 AMP). Trouble comes when we resort to the natural skill we had before coming into the knowledge of the truth. From that trouble comes a trial (James 1:2-4 AMP). If the Word is still not used, then punishment is the result (James 1:13-16 AMP). Jesus is Lord and our defense (Psalm 94:22 KJV).

Keeping these things in mind and using them as a part of our daily living gives us all things that is described in the Word (Matthew 6:33 AMP). God's will is for us to live, to the full, and in abundance. The tests are good. Sometimes babies and toddlers fall. Trials come and they are good too. If we believe, we will receive and get back up, dust ourselves off, to maintain the faith. We have to get to the next level. Just like a natural baby or toddler, we seek what the next thing is for us to conquer. Once we have moved from the milk of the Word and can chew on the meat, we entire into liberty that Jesus spoke of. He said that the lambs can come in and out of the gate (John 10:1-9 AMP). This means we are so saturated in Christ, that no matter what we do, because of righteousness we will always be in Him. We cannot be influenced to be anything else but Christian (1 Corinthians 8:9 AMP). This by no way mean, once save always saved. God is not mocked (Galatians 6:7 AMP). If one believes that God will continue to see acts of disobedience as unrighteousness and confession is the cure - do not be fooled. God's tolerance of belligerence and disregard of the faith is documented over and over again. Ministers that preach otherwise - be warned (Matthew 7:21-23 AMP)!